Page 2 | Christmas Cards

JujuRain · 2022-12-08T08:18:11+00:00

Writing Christmas cards the other evening next to DH on sofa. When I'm writing cards to his side I always include DSC of course, when I'm writing cards to my side (family and friends) I often only put me, DH and our child. He saw this and was pissed but a lot of my family and friends have never even met DSC never mind know them but he didn't seem to think it mattered. Who really cares when getting a card from a friend whether their DSC who they've never met has 'signed' it?!

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toomuchlaundry · 08/12/2022 13:59

Mind it’s a bit shit if the SC only come EOW

romdowa · 08/12/2022 14:02

Just sign jujurain and family? Then every one is happy!

123woop · 08/12/2022 14:04

My friends and family who are step parents always sign it from the whole family (unless the kids are grown up and haven't been cared for by aforementioned step parent!)

Persephonegoddess · 08/12/2022 14:10

Having been the stepchild in this situation, it does make you feel shit when half the Xmas cards received to your home! exclude you.

bluepen12 · 08/12/2022 14:19

How old are they? I would ask them if the want to be signed on the card if they are old enough

PeppermintChoc · 08/12/2022 14:22

aSofaNearYou · 08/12/2022 13:56

This doesn't bother me. I don't want my family and friends to feel obliged to invite my SC who they have never met to their special events. I don't want my decision to date someone with a child who visits EOW to come with obligation for anyone I know.

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Agreed.

Christmasnero · 08/12/2022 14:29

I dont think wanting your children to be included on the list of family members is him being precious
yes it is wife work but this is not where to draw the line
not doing his family cards is a cut you can make
not shopping for PILs Xmas gift is a cut you can make
but cutting dsc out of cards isn’t nice, especially as there’s no real time or effort cost on your part. It would mean little to include them but a lot to exclude them. As a DSC I always knew I wasn’t part of the family, those little ‘insignificant’ things all add up and build a picture about your place in the home. I’d never do that personally.

Snugglemonkey · 08/12/2022 14:36

I would put DSC. Why not? It is a statement that you do not and not a nice one.

Sammi178 · 08/12/2022 14:43

I think this thread is clear that although I agree that having been a step-child doesn't alone warrant being able to have an opinion on a lot of this boards issues and/or mean you know what step mothers are feeling, but as a step mum & step child it 100% certainly helps me understand how my step child could potentially feel.

Sometimes it's these little things (that can easily be rectified) that add up to a big overall feeling and trust me, as I've said before, reading a card when you're the only person excluded hurts. A lot. I still remember it 20 years later.

Lkydfju · 08/12/2022 14:47

It’s not about how the people who receive it think; it’s about your DH not feeling that you think his DC is part of the family.
im definitely not someone who makes everything about my DSD and I don’t really agree that you have to treat them the same as your DC as it’s a different relationship but I also put DSD on cards that were from us as a family as she is part of our family

aSofaNearYou · 08/12/2022 15:00

It’s not about how the people who receive it think; it’s about your DH not feeling that you think his DC is part of the family.

He does have to mindful of his partners relationship with her friends and relatives, though. If anyone I send cards to is like the people on here they may be aware there can be a lot of politics around SC. This can inherently breed awkwardness. If I suddenly sign off all my cards including this child they don't know they might think it's a pointed comment about how they never ask about him, or buy gifts for him etc like they do for my DDs. I don't want that. My relationship with them is based around the premise that I have two of my own kids, my partner has another but he's not around all that much and I don't expect anything from them in regards to him. He won't ever be there when we interact and I don't want them to feel that any of this is a problem.

I don't expect to have to create an awkward situation with my loved one's to pander to my DPs notion that his child is central to how I interact with MY friends are family. He isn't, and that's just something he needs to be realistic about. And to his credit, he has no trouble with that.

gogohmm · 08/12/2022 15:28

My dc are only on cards to his family and friends who have met them and vice versa. Most friends we do not include the kids on at all (children are adult but at home, dsd and dd live with us, obviously we are the soft ones!)

mondaytosunday · 08/12/2022 15:51

He wrote his own cards but I did put my stepsons names in the cards I wrote to my friends and family because that's what my family was made up of.

chocolateasaltyballs22 · 08/12/2022 16:51

Well you know the only real answer is to not bother with Xmas cards but that's a whole other argument. I do the same as you on birthday cards. My family and friends don't know my stepkids so it would be odd to include them on cards.

alasangne · 08/12/2022 16:53

aSofaNearYou · 08/12/2022 15:00

It’s not about how the people who receive it think; it’s about your DH not feeling that you think his DC is part of the family.

He does have to mindful of his partners relationship with her friends and relatives, though. If anyone I send cards to is like the people on here they may be aware there can be a lot of politics around SC. This can inherently breed awkwardness. If I suddenly sign off all my cards including this child they don't know they might think it's a pointed comment about how they never ask about him, or buy gifts for him etc like they do for my DDs. I don't want that. My relationship with them is based around the premise that I have two of my own kids, my partner has another but he's not around all that much and I don't expect anything from them in regards to him. He won't ever be there when we interact and I don't want them to feel that any of this is a problem.

I don't expect to have to create an awkward situation with my loved one's to pander to my DPs notion that his child is central to how I interact with MY friends are family. He isn't, and that's just something he needs to be realistic about. And to his credit, he has no trouble with that.

I agree. Wouldn't want people receiving it think OH SHIT I BETTER GET THESE RANDOM KIDS IVE NEVER MET A PRESENT.

alasangne · 08/12/2022 16:54

Persephonegoddess · 08/12/2022 14:10

Having been the stepchild in this situation, it does make you feel shit when half the Xmas cards received to your home! exclude you.

But life in that home goes on without you for the time you aren't there. We don't sit here frozen in time until DSC are here

alasangne · 08/12/2022 16:56

toomuchlaundry · 08/12/2022 13:22

If you have distant friends/family who haven’t met your partner or joint children do you not include them on your cards either (for those posters saying you don’t include DSC if friends don’t know them)

No I just sign them from me

CourtneeLuv · 08/12/2022 16:58

"Lots of love, JuJuRain and family"

Job done.

Lilithslove · 08/12/2022 19:35

getoutof · 08/12/2022 12:43

I was a step child and for all I didn't even know some of the senders it still upset me to be excluded from cards. It's not hard to write an extra name or two. Just add them.

How did you even know that your name wasn't on them? Did your step parent hand you the cards to read before popping them in envelopes?

Seems unlikely.

ZenNudist · 08/12/2022 19:37

Your dh is right. Include all family members.

excelledyourself · 08/12/2022 19:39

Shown yourself up there a little @Lilithslove

ACynicalDad · 08/12/2022 19:40

Include all kids, it costs nothing it values them all.

huuskymam · 08/12/2022 19:44

I'd just put juju, hubby's name and kids (no names). That's everyone covered no matter who is getting the card.

Mumoftwoinprimary · 08/12/2022 19:49

CourtneeLuv · 08/12/2022 16:58

"Lots of love, JuJuRain and family"

Job done.

This. Saves any debate.

MelchiorsMistress · 08/12/2022 19:52

Other people won’t care, but your DH clearly does so why wouldn’t you just do that tiny thing that includes his children to make him feel better? They are part of the family and should be included in cards both given and received by that family.

I wouldn’t like it in his position either. If someone else is going to sign my name for me along with their children, then of course I’d want my children included too.