What happens re maintenance in this situation ?

[Chenillerug]

If a father is paying maintenance as has a good income so was paying enough to allow ex to just work part time but now he has given up work to be a carer so I assume it will go through the csa not a private arrangement and how is it worked out?

Ex is very unhappy but we have said although maintenance will drop we could actually have sd more so that ex can work full time which is reasonable but apparently not ?

Ok I smell bullshit. I'm out. A man and his family paying off the mortgage in full early and just giving away a house to the ex wife. Pull the other one.

He’s at a school nursery for a few hours a week we are currently in the ehcp process so he can access longer hours and he’s totally overwhelmed by that adding another new person at the moment wouldn’t be helpful at all

You don't have to go via the cms, the £7 a month is the minimum amount you 'have' to pay. You can agree the £7 or more in a personal agreement.

I posted for advice about maintenance and how it works with UC. I’ve answered honestly all questions asked. I’m going to leave this thread now as I just wanted some UC / csa advice . Things have been hard recently I wish I’d made a CAB appt instead

You do you hun.

So you'd rather your SDC go without just to save you the embarrassment of a 'stranger', who I'm presuming will be experienced in caring for all kind of personal needs, caring for you on an, as admitted by you, occasional basis? And I'm presuming on the days this 'stranger' had to do personal care for DC too, you'll also be present to reassure her?

One question I've not seen asked or answered yet: it seems from all your posts that you've already gone ahead and put all these arrangements in place, DH has already given up full-time work and started claiming carers allowance to care for you and DC part-time etc, so why is the question of CM only coming up now. Did you do all this without doing any research into what might/could happen and without any warning to DH's ex?

A lot of poster can't seem to see any shades of grey in this. Two diametrically opposed views, either DH is being a bad father quitting or child's DM is just after his money. Its perfectly reasonable for the DM to be thrown by this and worried or upset. If wanting a full time job was enough to magic it up like some posters are implying we'd have a lot less unemployment and a lot less under employment. The DM is not being unreasonable if she's finding this change hard. If OP needs an adult to care for her, her DH is not being unreasonable to become her carer.

The situation is what it is, and it sounds like OP and her DH are trying to minimise the impact on DSD. They're responding to things that have happened to them, not making a choice to go on benefits to avoid paying maintenance. No ones winning here, there's not always a bad guy or someone to blame, just a group of adults trying to make the best of a bad hand that's been dealt to them.

He’s not just missing out in current wage - but pension contributions and career progression.

This is a really good point. Judging by the age of the children and his dependence on his parents to provide accommodation and help with his divorce, he could be as young as 30 or certainly under 40. He's giving up the next 30 years of his career? In his prime years?

Honestly OP stop explaining yourself.

Do what is best for you and your little family.

Your partners ex won't have thought about you when taking such a hefty payment from your household. If she is genuinely struggling, living in the house her ex in laws paid for, then she will be entitled to universal credit. She can also work some more hours and dad will have to pull his weight and help her out and have more contact/do more school runs etc.

Do not let anyone make you feel bad for putting your child and your health first.

Lots of ex partners think they are entitled to money from their ex's. What would happen if said NRP died?

CMS will tell him what he has to pay based on the money he has. All these people saying it's not enough are happy to accept more when CMS spew out high figures.

Your husband is not a cash cow.

To add, if they agree on 50/50 care then neither needs to contribute anything to the others household. I'm assuming she claims child benefit and hed not try and half that

@amiold - of course the ex wouldn’t think about the OP - they sorted maintenance before he got together with someone new and had 2 more dcs. She presumably assumed he wouldn’t take on that unless he could afford it, given his responsibility to his existing child. Worrying about how they’d juggle finances wouldn’t be her business.

And where did you get this from? The only person who wasn't working was OP. The DH and the ex were both working. Until he decided not to. Its probably the case that ex could only work part-time because DD only has his first born on a weekend. Now she will most likely go full-time. So where in that did you get post separation only the dad works?

It would make much more sense for him to just call out of work when you need extra help than for both of you to not work and barely make any income at all with 3 children that need financial support

Yes but she knows he's had two more children and has never considered that those children could suffer as a result. Time has moved on since then

This sounds like madness. Just hire a part time carer, and perhaps organise for your DH to wfh a day or two. Personal leave for the appointments you can't get to. Although - couldn't you get an uber/taxi?

You will stop paying, it's naive to say otherwise. On benefits the CSM Amount is £7_ if she currently gets enough to work part time, there is going to be a significant drop in income for your partner when he chooses to go onto benefits full time. The amount of benefits you'll get will not be able to cover CSM as well. I'd suggest your partner gives her as much warning as possible so she can try to sort out if she can increase her hours at work and how to organise childcare, since you will be caring for the children and your partner caring for you, doesn't sound like there will be much time for the other child too.

Its not seen as a hefty payment though because as a parent you have a moral obligation to your child. £600 is a lot of money yes but to be fair the father absolutely should pay he works full time as a high earner. Its the mother always left holding the kids and if you was to spout that sh*t at me..... I would tell you it hasn't compensated presumably it was the ex that did the hard slog in the baby days, drops offs and pick ups. The ex to be fair likely works her hours around school pick ups like a lot of us.

The audacity. Some things are not just about money it's the principle here.

@Endofmyteatherr yes she probably has worked those hours as he's suited up until now. But if she can't manage on the £200 then she'll have to change that so they can both support the children

@Endofmyteatherr also I'm not spouting any shit. CMS will tell him what he has to pay so he won't be getting out of paying in line with his earnings

Pot kettle black or whatever the saying is. The person who should of done the considering here is OP and the other half! OPS ex has gone on to have 2 more children.... despite OPS debilitating condition and her child having additional needs.

That's assuming the ex can just change her contracted hours, source childcare in the school holidays, and term time. Not all schools provide after school clubs mine doesn't.

Like I said it's not just about the money, I think you seem to be making this all about money here? I already stated children are not a commodity.

CMS takes all children into account so based on your assumed figures I doubt OP would get £200 per month.

I find it odd that OP now wants to use CMS all of a sudden don't you?

To be fair to the OP, given her eldest is only 3 or 4, she was probably already pregnant with the 2nd before they realised the extent of the disabilities. And a chunk of his life has been in lockdown so as he’s her first, the OP wouldn’t have been spending lots of time with other young kids to compare development.

but it’s short term, “survival” thinking for him to give up work rather than get in paid help. In the short term it’s the easy option. Long term reduces options.

@LimeCheesecake but what about OPS own condition? Or did she not realise that either that it would impact her looking after her own children? Because you have to admit it's very extreme for the OH to give up his job unless OPS condition is very serious.

It's the youngest who has the disabilities from what I can make out.