Page 8 | What happens re maintenance in this situation ?

Chenillerug · 2022-11-18T18:03:03+00:00

If a father is paying maintenance as has a good income so was paying enough to allow ex to just work part time but now he has given up work to be a carer so I assume it will go through the csa not a private arrangement and how is it worked out? Ex is very unhappy but we have said although maintenance will drop we could actually have sd more so that ex can work full time which is reasonable but apparently not ?

Original poster

Chenillerug · 18/11/2022 20:23

fjäl · 18/11/2022 20:22

@Chenillerug so why is your husband not considering looking for a WFH job? To provide for all 3 of his children.

We have decided on this course of action at the moment as it’s what will work best for us given the circumstances if anything changes we will rethink but currently it’s the better option than ‘buying in’ the help needed

OP posts:

Original poster

Chenillerug · 18/11/2022 20:25

Greysanatomyfan · 18/11/2022 20:22

So why was he only paying 150 a week?

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Because he had provided them with a home and they agreed together ex wanted £150 a week and for sd to have contact fri-Mon

OP posts:

expat101 · 18/11/2022 20:25

if the child support payment is dropping because your DH has left his employment for a lower paying situation, he can be assessed under “capacity to earn” and be ordered to pay the full CS amount regardless of what income the new situation generates.

all it takes is for the ex to apply for a review of the formula…

Theunamedcat · 18/11/2022 20:26

expat101 · 18/11/2022 20:25

if the child support payment is dropping because your DH has left his employment for a lower paying situation, he can be assessed under “capacity to earn” and be ordered to pay the full CS amount regardless of what income the new situation generates.

all it takes is for the ex to apply for a review of the formula…

Really? In the UK?

toomuchlaundry · 18/11/2022 20:27

Better for whom? Not really better for his oldest child? If he was a high earner surely buying in help would be cheaper than going down to carers allowance

JackieDaws · 18/11/2022 20:27

LunchBoxPolice · 18/11/2022 19:01

But if sd is already with you every weekend and you expect her mum to work more hours while you have sd for extra time, when will sd actually spend any real time with her mum?

So they can get primary residence and all the extra UC and child benefit that comes with the child. And depending on how old the child is, an extra pair of hands looking after everyone. Win win situation.

Dontbelieveawordofit · 18/11/2022 20:27

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Theunamedcat · 18/11/2022 20:28

It always suprises me that people who are cared for can also be carers in there own right surely if you can provide 35 hours of care a week.....

Endofmyteatherr · 18/11/2022 20:33

I think OP doesn't seem like a bad person to be honest however I'm unclear as to why exactly you have posted it doesn't make sense. You seem to know about benefits quite well enough to fit your own circumstances so what exactly is the £7 query and the ex about? I don't get it.

You have had a come back for everything that has been asked

I suspect you have left some details out deliberately as you know full well what MN can be like. "FAMILY HOME" but your ex and other half split up after how long of been together? Because the child was only 3 months.

Woolandwonder · 18/11/2022 20:34

Chenillerug · 18/11/2022 20:23

We have decided on this course of action at the moment as it’s what will work best for us given the circumstances if anything changes we will rethink but currently it’s the better option than ‘buying in’ the help needed

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It sounds like a really difficult situation. I do think you might need to explore all options fully though, eg him dropping to p/t, wfh, working nights, as it sounds like it's going to be a struggle for both you and his ex without his financial contribution.

Silvers11 · 18/11/2022 20:35

Hoppinggreen · 18/11/2022 19:42

I would expect that in order to claim carers allowance you should be able to actually care for the people you are being paid to care for. If you can’t (even if only sometimes) then you shouldnt be able to claim it.
If the man in this case earns well then it would be a better option for him to pay for a mother’s help or similar who can care for the children and OP on the days she can’t?
Then he could continue to financially support his child as well

This - in spades. Much better for him to stay earning what he does, continuing to pay his ex - and also pay for extra help for the OP when needed

Apart from anything else you need to be providing at least 35 hours per week care to the person you are claiming for. From what is being said here, this is not the case. I'd also be surprised if the OP continued to get the Carer's Allowance for her son if her DH is awarded it to care for the OP

Original poster

Chenillerug · 18/11/2022 20:35

Endofmyteatherr · 18/11/2022 20:33

I think OP doesn't seem like a bad person to be honest however I'm unclear as to why exactly you have posted it doesn't make sense. You seem to know about benefits quite well enough to fit your own circumstances so what exactly is the £7 query and the ex about? I don't get it.

You have had a come back for everything that has been asked

I suspect you have left some details out deliberately as you know full well what MN can be like. "FAMILY HOME" but your ex and other half split up after how long of been together? Because the child was only 3 months.

I just wasn’t sure if our new UC claim meant we would be forced to use the csa as all income would be from UC so would they be in charge of where it goes if that makes sense but I know now it’s optional to use the child maintenance service or continue a private agreement

OP posts:

amiold · 18/11/2022 20:37

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 18/11/2022 20:06

It doesn't really matter who ended the relationship. That doesn't change his parental obligation to do his very best for the existing child and to avoid entanglements that undermine that effort.

Agreed. And same for mum. And very best may be working more to provide more

Original poster

Chenillerug · 18/11/2022 20:38

Endofmyteatherr · 18/11/2022 20:33

I think OP doesn't seem like a bad person to be honest however I'm unclear as to why exactly you have posted it doesn't make sense. You seem to know about benefits quite well enough to fit your own circumstances so what exactly is the £7 query and the ex about? I don't get it.

You have had a come back for everything that has been asked

I suspect you have left some details out deliberately as you know full well what MN can be like. "FAMILY HOME" but your ex and other half split up after how long of been together? Because the child was only 3 months.

They had been together a few years and split because ex wanted to so he left like she told him to. Went back to live with his parents then after a year we met and when I got pregnant he moved in with me. He owned a property jointly with ex which she has remained in and is hers now and I owned my house so he moved in with me , that’s partly why we could afford so much as we had no rent or mortgage to pay so could prioritise maintenance

OP posts:

Soontobe60 · 18/11/2022 20:39

Chenillerug · 18/11/2022 18:43

Because dh is here all the time now and we would be happy to have sd more

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If he’s had to give up work to care for you AND your child as you’re not able to care for them, then how on earth can he also care for another child? I can imagine his ex is livid!
DH “I’ll have to stop paying you £600+ a month because I’ve had to stop work to look after my new wife and her child, but don’t worry, now I can have my own child a bit extra so that you can work more hours. Oh, and once I’ve managed to persuade you that I can have my child a few extra nights, I’ll be claiming CMS from YOU.”

Original poster

Chenillerug · 18/11/2022 20:39

I just wasn’t clear on if we would be allowed to continue a private agreement but it seems we can that was why I posted

OP posts:

LimeCheesecake · 18/11/2022 20:39

Why is it a better options than buying in help? He’s not just missing out in current wage - but pension contributions and career progression.

putting aside the issues for your step child for a moment - your young child with severe issues meaning that at preschool age you are entitled to carers allowance for them - seeing people with adult children with disabilities, money gives choices.

Think long term - a WFH job, paid help in the house (a mothers help would be ideal), much better than relying on a benefit system long term. Particularly given the government we have.

I can see if your health has declined rapidly this might seem like the best option, but for all of you it seems a poor choice.

Original poster

Chenillerug · 18/11/2022 20:40

Soontobe60 · 18/11/2022 20:39

If he’s had to give up work to care for you AND your child as you’re not able to care for them, then how on earth can he also care for another child? I can imagine his ex is livid!
DH “I’ll have to stop paying you £600+ a month because I’ve had to stop work to look after my new wife and her child, but don’t worry, now I can have my own child a bit extra so that you can work more hours. Oh, and once I’ve managed to persuade you that I can have my child a few extra nights, I’ll be claiming CMS from YOU.”

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He wouldn’t claim maintenance from ex !

OP posts:

Talon01 · 18/11/2022 20:41

expat101 · 18/11/2022 20:25

if the child support payment is dropping because your DH has left his employment for a lower paying situation, he can be assessed under “capacity to earn” and be ordered to pay the full CS amount regardless of what income the new situation generates.

all it takes is for the ex to apply for a review of the formula…

Isn't that a US thing

Dontbelieveawordofit · 18/11/2022 20:41

Ex remained in the family home they had together so they are well provided for
Because he had provided them with a home

so was family home mortgage free or is DH still paying for mortgage? if neither of these, he didn't 'provide' them with anything, he moved out.

currently it’s the better option than ‘buying in’ the help needed

Can you clarify in what way its better than 'buying in'? you get PIP and/or DLA for you and DC exactly for these kind of outgoings

he moved in with his parents when they split up and then subsequently moved in with me

so he basically a cocklodger then?

Original poster

Chenillerug · 18/11/2022 20:41

LimeCheesecake · 18/11/2022 20:39

Why is it a better options than buying in help? He’s not just missing out in current wage - but pension contributions and career progression.

putting aside the issues for your step child for a moment - your young child with severe issues meaning that at preschool age you are entitled to carers allowance for them - seeing people with adult children with disabilities, money gives choices.

Think long term - a WFH job, paid help in the house (a mothers help would be ideal), much better than relying on a benefit system long term. Particularly given the government we have.

I can see if your health has declined rapidly this might seem like the best option, but for all of you it seems a poor choice.

For personal care aspects for both of us it is the better option for us to have him here to help as a ‘stranger’ would not be ok for ds or me

OP posts:

Original poster

Chenillerug · 18/11/2022 20:43

Dontbelieveawordofit · 18/11/2022 20:41

Ex remained in the family home they had together so they are well provided for
Because he had provided them with a home

so was family home mortgage free or is DH still paying for mortgage? if neither of these, he didn't 'provide' them with anything, he moved out.

currently it’s the better option than ‘buying in’ the help needed

Can you clarify in what way its better than 'buying in'? you get PIP and/or DLA for you and DC exactly for these kind of outgoings

he moved in with his parents when they split up and then subsequently moved in with me

so he basically a cocklodger then?

It was their joint home they had purchased together and when dh left it was given to ex and the mortgage paid off by him and help from his parents (he’s an only child and I think they did this so they also got contact as ex was refusing and this changed her mind)

OP posts:

MissAmbrosia · 18/11/2022 20:45

If he's a high earner, and you have no mortgage then surely it would be better to buy in the extra help you need and for him to continue working. If I was to go from my monthly salary for example, to UC levels, that's a LOT of care. Something doesn't add up.

LimeCheesecake · 18/11/2022 20:45

Your ds is still pre school age, why would a stranger not be ok? (Assume they wouldn’t be a stranger for long and he’d get to know them). what would you have done if you hadn’t met your now dp? Would you not accepted care from outside?

Endofmyteatherr · 18/11/2022 20:46

How old is your step child? Children are not a commodity. What is the child happy to do? Personally if I was the ex I would not be very happy not just the money. Its the way you casually just say you will be happy..but what about the child?

Sorry but surely if you are as ill as you are saying some days it's not appropriate for you wanting to add more children to the mix.