What happens re maintenance in this situation ?

[Chenillerug]

If a father is paying maintenance as has a good income so was paying enough to allow ex to just work part time but now he has given up work to be a carer so I assume it will go through the csa not a private arrangement and how is it worked out?

Ex is very unhappy but we have said although maintenance will drop we could actually have sd more so that ex can work full time which is reasonable but apparently not ?

Well I have sympathy for her, she and him have a child or children and have an arrangement and suddenly he's said he's not paying anything?

So yes, she might be able to work, but that's not the point. The point is that he has a legal and moral obligation as a father to provide for his children. All of his children.

How much are you currently paying and how old is the DC?

i don’t think any level of maintenance affects UC at all ?

I just wasn’t sure if we had to go through csa as on full benefits (a case if they are paying us so will wmat to make sure we pay what they say) or if we could work out our own amount. For years we have paid £150 a week so to drop to £7 would be awful I’m not sure entirely of exact figures but we would probably be able to pay something like £50 a week instead ?

He needs to speak to cms and request a mandatory consideration

I'd pay what the cms tell you to pay and provide extras as required (school trips, uniforms, clothes etc)

You'll get lots of stick on here over this but only you know your situation.. if mum has been fair in the past then dad should reciprocate this as much as possible. If she's took him for every penny and expected him to keep her post separation I'd honestly give her the £7. Of course, Mumsnet will go against this but as a woman it really infuriates me that people expect to use their kids as income and dress it up as "he won't give me money to control me post separation"

No ! We would never do that we said it will be reduced but we would never stop paying

6

@Chenillerug do you have children at home?

Yes 2

Childcare costs are just part of what it takes to maintain a child.
What about the costs of food, clothes, trips, clubs etc etc
Who is paying for these things?
Are they shared? If not then I can understand her being very Pissed off.
I believe that once you are a parent then that child should be no1 priority until they are an adult.
All decisions should be made by carefully thinking through the impact on the child. Providing 50% maintenance for his child should be more important than you.
In my opinion.
Sorry.
If he is paying for these things 50/50 then fine. You do you.

The point that we are trying to make is that if he went through official channels then he'd pay £7pw which is why ex isn't happy. Even if you paid £50pw, your partner could stop paying that and there would be nothing that she could
do.
Have you given her a few months notice or has he already stopped work ? If he was made redundant then there couldn't be a notice period but if he's planning to quit then it might help if there was at least a couple of months notice ?

We would never stop paying that would be so wrong and definitely something we would not do

How are you well enough to be a carer for your DC and yet need a carer yourself? Not sure how that works!

Completely agree. If this is the truth are the children safe in this arrangement?

I have been a cater for my severely autistic child for 3 years now but I have a long term condition that has worsened so dh can now be my carer as well it just depends on the level of pip. I’ve had to stop driving too so there wasn’t any choice

Yes because dh is now here as well. I m not sure exactly how it will work with the UC as currently it’s me as a cater for dc- on ctc. Dh now a carer for me but my pip has gone up so it may be for UC purposes I’m not expected to seek work ? But I can still claim the carers allowance ?

How can you claim carer’s allowance for your child if you aren’t well enough to look after yourself? 🤨

So your partner is going to be caring for you, your disabled child plus his own child? Presumably if you now need a carer you won't be able to provide adequate care for your child.

This was why he gave up as I haven’t been well and we needed him here to make things safe so after he took some annual leave we made this decision as the safest for our family

And how would you be able to have your partner’s DC more?

As they get dla I was claiming it for a while , then when I’ve got more unwell and pip went up dh gave up and now claims for me

Because dh is here all the time now and we would be happy to have sd more

Oh come on.

This man isn’t trying to avoid paying maintenance. He is managing a difficult situation with the OP needing carer. It could have been him having an accident and unable to work or getting ill. These things happen. That’s called life.

On the other side, choosing to work part time and making yourself reliant on CM is crazy.

@Chenillerug If your partner and is ex don't get along then I understand why she's stressed that she has to rely on goodwill. People make promises like they will be an involved parent after a split and it often pans out very differently (this is a dig at my ex not your h btw )

I recognised I needed more support so dc are definitely safe ! We are eligible to claim carers for ds in my name so why wouldn’t we ? Dh can’t claim it for both of us only only person each

Op your post makes me feel sick. To just drop maintenance!! Is the father now not intending to pay anything? Why are you not the carer when he has financial responsibilities. I’m so glad my ex h is a better person than your partner.