What happens re maintenance in this situation ?

[Chenillerug]

If a father is paying maintenance as has a good income so was paying enough to allow ex to just work part time but now he has given up work to be a carer so I assume it will go through the csa not a private arrangement and how is it worked out?

Ex is very unhappy but we have said although maintenance will drop we could actually have sd more so that ex can work full time which is reasonable but apparently not ?

The current contact was what ex asked for

Sorry you’re unwell OP, and sorry you’re having to put up with some twats on this thread.

It seems clear to me that by taking care of you and your kids (and if you’re not well enough to be a sole carer or work, what else can he do), and pay more than the minim maintenance, and offer to do more for his other child your DH is a good man.

For paying £7 a week he may as well kit pay anything. Wtf is that going to pay for.

I’m confused as to how you can both HAVE a Carer and BE a Carer simultaneously

I hope your health improves @Chenillerug
It's a hard situation, and as you can probably guess by the harsh responses, there are a fair few non resident parents who have done this to reduce liability. Hopefully you can come to some agreement, and be understanding that the exes whole life and potential plans have been altered by another household that she has no control over.

There are very few people who wouldn't be shocked and resentful at this being dropped on them.

You can claim for one person as long as they get a certain rate of dla or pip. I was claiming carers for dc when I had better health now that mine is worse I can also have someone claim carers for me.

Of course he's considered both children! He's going to have more contact with his daughter! He will still be paying maintenance! But he won't be able to pay as much, but if his contact goes up his maintenance would go down anyway. Mum is just pissed off she's got to work!

But will you be caring for your DC?

If there is any issue I’m sure it will be sorted out with the UC application as I think in that you can either get carers allowance and they deduct it or you just say you’re a carer for someone and get the carers element ? It basically gives both of us exemption from working

Yes - I change nappies etc , give medication, do therapies . Some days if I’m very unwell I can’t but the main thing is I can’t drive now so appointment’s are difficult for me to do

This is why I am confused.
If you need someone to care for you how are you able to care for your children?
I know people who are ill/with disabilities can care for children but if you are so ill/disabled you need a Carer yourself then I don’t see how you can.
I am not having a go at you OP but if the system allows that it’s ridiculous

@yellowstickerbargain 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Exactly this. She wants him to keep her. Now she will have to provide and dad can do the school runs etc but she wanted to be the one to do that and of course she's a woman so dad should pay her to care for their child. It's totally nonsense this bloody cms system

It’s just such awful timing, isn’t it, in the middle of the cost of living/energy prices crisis? I expect your partner’s ex is frightened.

Mum is just pissed off she's got to work!

This is such a shallow and mean spirited assumption. "Mum" now has to find a full time job, which fits round school hours - not particularly easy as most single mothers know - change her entire parenting routine and see her child far less, all to accommodate her healthy exes choices. Most people would struggle with this initially.

Why don't you and your DP have your step child full time? The mother of the child becoming the non resident parent? The mother can get a full time job and see her child on the weekend? Saturday or Sunday or both days?

Makes sense to me. Then she can work as much as she likes without time restrictions or childcare costs. She can pay you and your DP for food, trips, clothes etc, when the child lives with you during the week?

Some days I can care fully for dc (minus the driving!) other days I can’t so dh cares for us both. My condition varies a lot if I have a relapse it can be very hard for a few weeks other times you might not think to look at me anything was wrong ! So I can be a carer and be cared for it’s quite complicated

Who said he's giving up work to avoid maintenance? He's giving up work because he needs to care for someone.

How does this make sense to you? Do you not have children? There is a 0% chance I would give up custody of my child and be a weekend mum to suit my exs life. This is a child who won’t want to suddenly only see his mum 2 days a week, not a dog

So many people needing care in your household, surely another child there more often - aged only 6 - would add a great deal of pressure?

OP, it sounds very difficult for you all. I hope things settle into an arrangement that you can all be happy with.

I'm sure you see why ex is unhappy. She is being forced into a situation unexpectedly. She might not have the earning potential to be able to make up the shortfall in maintenance from your DH. Her DD will be affected. She may need to move house. She may worry that you taking on more childcare might lead to wanting to alter the residency to your family home.

Having said that, you have said repeatedly that you and your DH are committed to paying whatever you can in maintenance.

While your own situation is doubtlessly difficult, I'm sure she will appreciate as much notice as possible and some understanding. And an agreement to alter the dates/times of contact to whatever suits her new working arrangements as well as enabling them to have quality time together at weekends and holidays.

I might be an outlier on this and no offense to the OP, but he had his child before he got involved with OP. It behooves him to avoid situations that would curb his ability to work and provide for his existing child.

I think it's immoral for him to drop out of the workforce to care for an adult he has met in the years since having his child. Regardless of how much he feels for the OP, this is not the time in his life when he can afford to abandon work -- he has a six-year-old child to provide for.

Sometimes we can't have everything we wish for, when other responsibilities take precedence.

Was your DH on a good salary before this?

She probably just wants him to provide basic financial assistance for the child he helped create, and now he has a new family thinks providing a bit of babysitting is adequate.

@SavingKitten but it's fine for a dad to see his child 2 days a week and work full time? It's a reasonable solution.