What happens re maintenance in this situation ?

[Chenillerug]

If a father is paying maintenance as has a good income so was paying enough to allow ex to just work part time but now he has given up work to be a carer so I assume it will go through the csa not a private arrangement and how is it worked out?

Ex is very unhappy but we have said although maintenance will drop we could actually have sd more so that ex can work full time which is reasonable but apparently not ?

The point is that he was able to provide at a more rational level for this child before he got involved with the OP and decided to leave the workforce to take care of her.

Again, all sympathies for the OP's situation, but the father already had responsibilities. He wasn't, morally IMHO, free to take on others, no matter how kindly he feels toward the OP and her children. He had a job to do and has decided to virtually abdicate that in order to support a different set of people. Not admirable.

@ZeldaWillTellYourFortune a job to do?? So dads shouldn't move on and have other kids so his ex can work part time??

If he’d lost his job, been long term ill, injured or died she’d have to manage, the same as she would if any of those happened and they were still together. He had every right to have more children as does she and sometimes life gets complicated. In this case it has and I’m sure OP and her husband would rather she and their disabled child were healthy enough not to need his full time assistance.

She won't be entitled to a penny usually disability benefits are protected itshow my ex avoided child maintenance for years hos wife was so disabled they had to stop after four children they did offer to look after DD however as they refused to speak to her or communicate with me that would be difficult then they offered to take custody of her I declined

I would expect that in order to claim carers allowance you should be able to actually care for the people you are being paid to care for. If you can’t (even if only sometimes) then you shouldnt be able to claim it.
If the man in this case earns well then it would be a better option for him to pay for a mother’s help or similar who can care for the children and OP on the days she can’t?
Then he could continue to financially support his child as well

It doesn't fall to just the Dads and NOWHERE in my post did I say it does. It falls to BOTH parents. BOTH parents created the child, BOTH parents need to provide for their child. BOTH parents should be working to do so. Which is what has been happening until now. Now Daddy thinks offering babysitting instead of contributing to the financial aspect of his childs life is adequate and mum should suck it up.

to be honest, as carers allowance is an absolute pittance and OPs partner is on a very good wage, it may make more sense for him to keep working, or see if he can do reduced hours, and buy in some help for OP.

This is so sad. If the mother also paid 7 pounds then those children would be homeless and starving . So if the father is not capable of supporting his own children, housing, food, clothes, heat, then the tax payer needs to step up and provide for them. I’m sure it was a hard decision for him to do this though.

If the child was living with you more would you be able to afford the additional expense?

'Now Daddy thinks offering babysitting instead of contributing to the financial aspect of his childs life is adequate and mum should suck it up.'

Is it considered 'babysitting' when the mother does the childcare and gets payment from the ex?

The other solution is very simple… what the OP proposes in fact, they help more, so that the mum can work more if needed. I can see absolutely no reason why the mum
needs to become a weekend mum
and the kids whole life needs to be changed, nothing about the OPs posts suggest it’s necessary. Theyve already found the solution… hence why I think the suggestion the mum needs to give up custody is frankly daft.

No the mum would get universal credits. same she would if dad had died

Luckily I think they may be able to give more than £7

So what about school holidays? Will OP’s household be able to take on the 6yo over the holidays? Will they be paying for uniform, food etc?

@yellowstickerbargain funny how you immediately leapt to the conclusion I was referring to you...mmm, the lady do protest too much

Exactly how is the scenario as presented, whether he pays £7 or £50 a week, classed as equal? Even if the mum is able to take on full-time work and OP takes care of their child the odd extra hour, how does mum working full-time, seeing DC less, being financially responsible for housing needs, clothing, utility bills, food while dad provides nothing except a few hours in a home where all the attention and care us going to be concentrated on poorly half sibling and SM classify as equal?. Doesn't sound equal or fair to me and I'm guessing if it was happening to you, you wouldn't be so keen neither.

But you enjoy your 'first wife' status...while it lasts

@fjäl what has been happening is mum has been working less and subsidised by dad to do so enabling her to do school run etc. now he cannot support due to family dynamic and mum is now required to do more hours. Roles reversed, dad now contributes less money but more time. Mum contributes more money but less time.

That's what I thought too, what condition do you have OP? This is a real plot twist here.
I can see how posters are disgusted on behalf of the ex.... I mean after reading your updates people do have a fair point.

How have you been managing these last 6 years prior OP? Your partner must be a higher earner if he can afford to pay £600 per month for one child!!

I was also thinking that @Endofmyteatherr

How can they provide appropriate care with two disabled people in the house someone always loses out seen it time and time again why do you think they do support groups called young carers in school? Because there is a massive knock on effect on a childs wellbeing when a parent or sibling is disabled

Really? I find this black and white thinking and moralising really hard to understand. Are you really saying that if someone’s had a child or children in one relationship and that relationship ends, neither party should be allowed to enter into a new relationship? Because that’s what it sounds like…

@toomuchlaundry honestly some of the things I read on here.... I do wonder if its true or not. I'm glad me and my ex only share the 1 child together because I wouldn't want this type of dilemma!

Its very drastic for OPS other half to just completely give up his job not even cut his days down or anything?

Not really sure why you are quoting me here when I was arguing that the OP and her carer husband should not be aiming for
full custody of this child… it’s the person I was quoting that things the kid should live full time with their dad and disabled step mum and siblings

Are you being this ignorant on purpose? The father offering to look after his own child does not make up the financial costs of caring for the child as a resident parent!!!

The father pays towards the care of his child. To provide food, clothing, heating, school supplies etc. He's not paying the ex to live a subsidised life. What a completely ignorant, misogynistic comment!

I'm lost.

So in the space of 6 years he's had 3 kids with 2 different women, and will no longer be able to financially support child 1?

Do you now need full time care op? Can he not work at all? It sounds like apart from the driving you can more often than not look after your child on a day to day basis.

I sympathise with you for being ill, but I also feel bad for his ex and the SD in this situation.

It just seems mad for him to quit working completely.

Yes, I am saying that. If the new relationship is going to take away from the support being provided to the existing child, as in this case, it's just wrong. No one is owed a relationship and having f-ed up the first one, and created a broken home for the first child, it's wrong to enter into another set of major obligations just to gratify oneself. Wait till the kid is grown.

Voluntarily diluting the time, money and effort available to support the first child is a bad choice.

This is from the OP: I have been a cater for my severely autistic child for 3 years now but I have a long term condition that has worsened so dh can now be my carer as well it just depends on the level of pip.

I interpreted that as her medical condition and her children pre-dating her relationship with the current "dh." Apologies if that is incorrect.

OP, what is the actual order of events? Are your children fathered by your current husband or did you have them before entering this relationship?

I can see why she would be upset. Meeting you a year after splitting, he must then have had two kids with you in very quick succession if one of them is in the same school as the 6yo and the other one is 3 years old already.

Or is the eldest not his?

She would be justified in feeling he hasn't considered the impact of all that alone, on his first dc.