What happens re maintenance in this situation ?

[Chenillerug]

If a father is paying maintenance as has a good income so was paying enough to allow ex to just work part time but now he has given up work to be a carer so I assume it will go through the csa not a private arrangement and how is it worked out?

Ex is very unhappy but we have said although maintenance will drop we could actually have sd more so that ex can work full time which is reasonable but apparently not ?

It doesn’t mean you can’t raise your children. I’m a (working) carer for my husband, he is on adoption leave and doing the majority of our daytime childcare needs. Having a disability or an illness doesn’t stop you raising your children.

Oh I know a couple very well who claim carers for each other, one because they can’t leave the house and the other because they apparently can’t leave the house alone, not sure how they got away with that one

So you are going to be the “ carer” for your own children, he is going to be the carer for you and neither of you are going to work , is that right ?

And you are trying to work out how little maintenance your partner can pay for his older children.

Have I got that right ?

Or are you asking if you can have a family based arrangement for child maintenance ? If so the answer is yes if the receiving parent agrees.

I understand that this might seem like a good plan in the short term. But giving up paid employment in order to avoid paying child maintenance ( above a few pounds a week ) is a very bad decision long term for your own family, it will hurt you a lot more than his ex ( who I assume is the target ).

Even if you get benefits now, that might change over time. The longer that both of you are out of the labour market, the harder it will be to get back in. Your own children may end up in poverty .

Why?
Why does it make you sick that a man decides to stop work to care fir his disabled wife? Would you not accept that from your partner? Or is it a case that the OP was supposed to make herself unsafe instead?

No i just wasn’t sure if because we will get full benefits if we had to go through the csa - if we don’t then we won’t as we wouldn’t just pay £7 a week!

@WakingUpDistress exactly. The mum has happily took £600!! A month even though this couple have two other kids at home and is now up in arms because she won't get it no more and will be expected to work!

I know people like that.
one has a physical disability. The other a serious MH issue.
so yes they care fir each other because their needs are completely different. And yes it’s all over board.

It seems that many people in this thread have no idea what being disabled means or how the carer/disability system works…..

This isn't what the OP has said at all! They’re not doing this to get out of paying maintenance; they’re doing this because she has a long term condition that’s recently got much worse, so needs extra support…

“Your” family??
This apparently doesn’t necessarily include his own child??
Forget the issues with his ex and only working part time.
Does this decision negatively affect his child???!!
If so then it’s a poor choice and he’s not a very good father.

That's pretty unfair, op has repeatedly said they still intend to pay something. The ex is pissed off she might have to (as a pp put it) get off her arse and work more hours, which she could do as the DH will be able to have child more often. The ex has already had notice. She should be looking for a job with more hours. Why do some women think that part time work is a right?

Are your children at home his children too?

Either way, it really doesn’t sound like he can afford to give up work. His obligation to pay for his child hasn’t ended because he got a partner that needs a carer.

No you don’t have to go through csa. I can see why she’s annoyed that he’s given up his job and is permanently reducing maintenance to care for someone’s child and his partner, and then to boot she has to work more and see her child less. I can see it’s a difficult situation for you but it’s easy to see why she’s annoyed

No it shouldn’t affect sd we would never reduce contact (every fri aft from pick up to Mon morn drop off currently) in fact we have offered more if that would help as what we can’t offer in money we could offer in time (one of our dc attends the same school so it would be no trouble)

Yes they are his

Well he can afford to give up work as he will get carers allowance, and out of that he will continue to pay maintenance, but he won't be able to pay as much as he is now. But he will be able to facilitate the mother working more hours by having the child more. Where is the problem with that?

Sounds like my mum and whoever she’s seeing at the time.

Got fed up of her moaning every couple of months that whatever benefit had stopped.

Your partner quit work and now cannot provide child maintenance? What on earth were they thinking? Are there no other options? I can’t imagine quitting work when I I have a child to provide for, it would be an absolute last resort. Is part time not an option

I think some of these responses are awful. Can you imagine being in the op's position and having to come to terms with not being able to care for your own children independently?

It sounds like that's her reality right now, as well as needing care herself.

At no point in any of her posts is she trying to pay as little as possible. She's trying to understand their position.

The mum might not be happy, it's understandably difficult that things affecting another family unit will have a direct effect on her. Hopefully the dad can do some of the running around that the RP can often struggle with when their ex works full time.

It's a shitty situation for everyone, some compassion all around is needed.

You’re sort of dodging the question. Is this decision going leave his child materially worse off??
With the mother struggling to pay for the things the child needs??
Again, is he going to be covering 50% of the costs of raising this child??
Clothes? Trips? Clubs? Food? Toiletries? Shoes? Washing? Etc etc………?????

Well Thankyou to those who answered my query at least I now know we can continue with a private arrangement and we will obviously pay more than £7 a week

sd is an important part of our lives and we do all we can to be fair and equal and we are doing our best with some difficult circumstances this wasn’t a decision taken lightly at all

But the OP has said this is what is right for their family, but the husband hasn't considered all of his children in this. or is entire family. Just his new family.

And if he's on carers' allowance and she's on PIP and gets carers allowance, how are they able to give her £50 still?

And like pp have said, I really don't understand how she's well enough to be a carer, but also needs a carer. So both of them are entitled to carers' allowance.

But it's not someone else's child, it's his other child. And surely it's good the child that he has with his ex will get to have more time with its dad? The child is 6. It's at school. It's not going to massively reduce the time mum spends with it. It means dad will be able to help with before and after school care so mum can work few more hours.

But if sd is already with you every weekend and you expect her mum to work more hours while you have sd for extra time, when will sd actually spend any real time with her mum?

This!

I hadn’t realised it was a joint child until after I posted. And yes I understand the logistics of it thanks, I still can see why the mum is annoyed about having to change her work hours, if it’s even possible, and have a reduction in income because of something that’s totally out of her control, it’s understandable she’s unhappy.