What happens re maintenance in this situation ?

[Chenillerug]

If a father is paying maintenance as has a good income so was paying enough to allow ex to just work part time but now he has given up work to be a carer so I assume it will go through the csa not a private arrangement and how is it worked out?

Ex is very unhappy but we have said although maintenance will drop we could actually have sd more so that ex can work full time which is reasonable but apparently not ?

If your dp has no earnings then she can't have CM can she or very basic as others have said. I'm afraid she'll just have to suck it up as if you can't work because you need to care for others that cannot be helped. The ex can absolutely still get UC but depending on the ages of the kids she may be expected to work more hours and the government are currently putting up the amount of money you need to be earning in order for them not to hassle you to look for more work. To be honest if kids are older, then she should be able to increase hours.

But it doesn't sound like he's the one getting PIP ?

Sound to me like excuses galore and an attempt to avoid paying maintenance for your DHs child.

Switch to 50/50 then no maintenance is due

@Endofmyteatherr also, i answered you at 23:41 last night saying I wouldn't be delighted. Your comment I replied to was deleted so maybe that's why you didn't see the response

Yes BUT OPs condition has deteriated since............

This has been pointed out several times to you now.

@Endofmyteatherr what's the Ops condition got to do with it though? The child's dad is giving up work to be there and do the care

It's just a way of maximising income from benefits really for some, but in this case they will not be better off on Uc as carers allowance is deducted completely form Uc and they won't both be able to get the carers element of UC so they aren't really getting any extra. carers allowance defines any kind of care even just supervision etc so that is how disabled people manage to claim it themselves for caring for others. I helped an elderely couple the other day who are both disabled and saying they care for each other 35 hours a week gets them a lot of extra pension credit. Neither could barely walk but saying they care for each other for 35 hours, I guess 2 disabled people do the best they can to care for each other, one may be physically disabled one one have dementia or something and needs supervision. It is very common for people claiming disability benefits to claim carers for someone else.

@Endofmyteatherr lots of assumptions as me as a mother. Incorrect but not the first time for you, probably why you're getting your comments deleted.

If the ex doesn't want dad to help out with my more days she doesn't have to. Judge could 1
Quite easily go 50:50 if the child wanted that. So not that ridiculous.

Either way. The ex will be getting less money.. what she's entitled to. Her turn to suck it up

@Endofmyteatherr as a mother I say this

The mother may not want her child to go to the dads more days.

Children aren't property. Dads are on equal footing in terms of contact and thankfully that's also now being recognised in court.

Being a mum doesn't give you complete control of how little or how much another parent sees their child. Anyone that does do that without valid reason (aka abuse) is damaging their children and putting their own self interest above the needs of a child.

Is the ex actually complaining or is she just shocked? Because your making it as though the family are at war or something. You are assuming the child MUST be passed around and because I don't agree with your mentality and I have touched a nerve you have reported my comments.

I'm sure this will be sorted if the dad was paying £600 in a private arrangement he cannot be that bad. But this urgency to get the ex to do 50/50 so dad is off the hook is below the line also.

We can can agree to disagree on this matter. We clearly hold different values on this matter.

@Endofmyteatherr he maybe only paid £600 because he had to or because cms took it at source.

Lots of variables really but if they can't afford it that's the end of it

From reading OP again it doesn't sound like the dad was ever using CMS. CMS do annual reviews and the money is worked out.

Your obviously correct though.

I also said the child may not want that either. The ex is hardly denying dad contact is she so let's not go down that road. The courts would not force 50/50 because dad has decided to give up his jib to look after OP.

In all fairness dad has enough people to look after and the courts would consider that also.

All OP has said is that the EX is unhappy - as would any normal person if they found out their monthly budget had just been slashed for what ever reason.

That the OP and her D~P then decide to suggest to the EX you can see your child less and work more when the likelihood is for a young child she has a lower paid job to enable her doing the drop offs and pick ups from school, she herself may not be healthier enough to work full time - who knows.

This is all about OP and her family - ignoring the effects it will have on part of that family. So if Dd is taking OP and son to hospital appointments and it is 0900 at the hospital, who is going to be taking the SD to school - does that then become the EXs job because the second family are nor important but she is now working more to pay for the joint child that the DF can no longer afford.

Not been thought out by OP and her family with the SD being the one who is going to have her life disrupted the most in both households

@Endofmyteatherr I read what you, said I was correcting. Contact and parental rights or lack of them is not decided by mum and at the age of 6 not by the child.

We have no idea what the ex will say re contact so it's probably best we don't fabricate a situation that doesn't exist.

@hourbyhour101 yes you are right. However your reasons isn't really a valid one either to present in a family court. At 6 a judge wouldn't rule that and in a family courts parents are encouraged to come to an agreement together. A mother has to legally make a child available but the mother does not have powers to force a child to go anywhere. The courts always work on the best interest of the child but it does seem others don't want to see that here.

It's not necessary for dad to be doing an extra day just because OP is ill a day dad has chosen to give his job up.

This is what I've tried point to several posters. There would only be a need for the ex to agree to OPS proposal if the ex was really really struggling to cope with her child or she needed money to pay her rent but that is not the case here. It's an odd proposal and very unessacery.

@Endofmyteatherr I'm so sorry I must be confused. Are you saying a Uk court would side with the mother in every occasion or that a legal status of a parents rights aren't valid ?

A 6 year old can put in input but since young children are easily influenced (usually ,not my Dd 🥴 with will of iron) the courts tend to take their opinions with a dash of salt. Courts get involved when a agreement can't be met mutually. So iMO it's v valid.

Op can't stop being sick, DH has become her carer to his wife and that will effect the maintenance. However they can help is by having the child more which is a option and a creditable one at that.

Also parent alienation is a thing ( that cuts both ways) and courts do enforce this as it's hideous to the children

A child having equal contact the same as the mother to their other parent, is in a child's best interest (baring abuse). How people want to split the difference imo is a matter of opinion.

He's not been paying the bare minimum amount of CMS, the house that houses the children with mum is paid. Mum is inconvenienced but I'm pretty sure no one in their right mind would want to give up a high salary to look after their spouse and live on the pittance that's given. He's not self employed trying to game the system.

His wife is sick.. If mum is really annoyed there is bugger all she can do about it bar work more and potentially DSC can stay more to help with childcare for work. That's it and as unfair as that is, so it's op being sick. Life happens.

I'm pretty sure given the situation, I'm sure op and her DH would prefer to be in mums shoes rather than their own.

Btw I watched my sm suffer and die from cancer and if my mum had acted like some of the hideous comments on here on behalf, I genuinely would have lost all respect for her.

Thankfully there are people who are able to act outside of their own interests with empathy and kindness.

Not that this thread is showing humanity at its best light.

@hourbyhour101 I have stated that the dad seemed not bad. You are very confused because my angle is completely different to where you are coming from. Its been highlighted that £600 is a lot of money and things have to change granted. It's a huge leap and your being very presumptious that the ex now of a sudden MUST agree to dad's offer of doing one extra day a week.

Dad has enough people to be caring for and the courts would look at this point also I'm not sure things would go in dad's favour based upon this reasoning however if OP wasn't ill and he genuinely wanted to increased contact of course that's reasonable. But don't try make dad increasing contact is for the mothers benefit and the child's because OP stated no where that the mother NEEDED extra help it was merely an offer which is fine to offer. The ex doesn't have to accept though!

@hourbyhour101 👏🏻👏🏻

Typical Mumsnet arguing that mums should have it better than dads.

Awful about your step mum 😞

I don't think morally it's right for him to become a carer to the OP when it means his child will suffer financially. He should continue to work and buy in support.

However, seeing as he will now be spending 35+ hours caring for his wife plus a further 35+ hours caring for his younger child, (possibly more as I’m not sure if they claim it for more than 1 child) whom she gets carers allowance for but cant now care for because shes too ill, when will he have the time to look after his eldest child? He’ll barely have time to breathe!

OP, why dont you employ someone with the carers allowance thus enabling your DH to continue working and bringing in a good wage?

@hourbyhour101 there's no evidence to suggest that equal contact is best for young children.