What happens re maintenance in this situation ?

[Chenillerug]

If a father is paying maintenance as has a good income so was paying enough to allow ex to just work part time but now he has given up work to be a carer so I assume it will go through the csa not a private arrangement and how is it worked out?

Ex is very unhappy but we have said although maintenance will drop we could actually have sd more so that ex can work full time which is reasonable but apparently not ?

I wonder if he didn't have maintenance to pay whether he still would have given up work to be the carer?

Pretty standard I would have thought but it’s not “well” promoted. The one I know about was an Australian CS claim. Fellow changed jobs to move in (couple of hundred klm away) with partner when she was heavily pregnant and nearing her due date, former partner lodged an objection and it was found in her favour.

Can't he work from home? Or get a similar job that would enable him to work from home at least part time?

It seems very extreme/irresponsible of him to stop working completely.

All sounds a rather dodgy way to screw as much out of the tax payer as you can. If you're able to care for yourself and your children, to the extent you get paid to do so, then it's immoral for your DH to stop paying for his daughter and offer more contact instead. WTF should life now change for everyone because you can't drive?

If someone told me I had to see my child less for any reason whatsoever I'd be furious.

Surely one of you should be in employment? It doesn't sound at all like you need a FT carer.

In all fairness the ex has had a right touch so far (unless he was earning 80k +). He and OP have the child 3 nights a week (so almost half the week) and give £600 a month. They also have 2 children at home. Bet if they went via csa it would be more like £200 a month.

Child is 6 now. Ex can work full time and OP and her Dp can do the wrap around care.

I probably wouldn't be delighted but I think they have child three nights a week Anyways so I'm assuming no risk.

This child is 6, in full time school.. the ex could work whilst child is at school. Dad could do all the running round now he isn't working, I'm assuming that's been left to the ex in the past.

I don't think the ops partner shouldn't contribute. But I don't think it's fair for the ex to rely on this money and work minimal hours either. Like I've said, there's two other kids to consider now and apparently a wife who needs cared for. At some point the needs of the ex has to be forgotten and three kids and a disabled woman need to be considered. The new wife is no less important than the old wife but everyone is up in arms that the Ex won't be as supported as she has been (she's had it good - house paid for, child our three nights a week and receiving £600 a month whilst working minimal hours)

Again, spot the posters having kids with men who already have kids with someone else

Why is the poster getting shit ?
its not her fault she needs a carer, yes the ex will have a drop in income but it’s hardly the posters fault.

This.

Hope I don't come across as either a first or a second wife.

I am however disabled, working full time (& PIP) and it hugely worries me what will happen when I have to give that up and if it would mean my DP would need to give up work to look after me.

These comments are really shitty and I'm disappointed to read that people are saying ex has had it good, the child is 6 and may not want to be ferried around 6 years old is still small. No judge would deem this in a family court unless this is what Ex wanted.

I understand its a tricky situation but I honestly think what OP has described isn't the full truth I have never read anybody on MN before getting left a house and the child is only 6 and £600 in maintainance. Plus school uniforms and other things throughout the year. They obviously must be wealthy.
No wonder men don't want to pay because the attitude on this thread is that ex has had it good in the family's courts irrespective of what is classed as good amount of CMS. You have a moral obligation to pay for your child so weather its £150 or £600 its not ex relying on CMS.
Paying for your child isn't doing the mother a favour.

Even 30 hours is classes as part time.
OP did not state the no of hours ex works. If you had no mortgage to pay or rent perhaps that's why ex is part time too?

I don't see why a 6 year old should be passed between houses. Poor kid.

@amiold I was not for a minute suggesting OP is posing a risk. However its got to the stage where she is not capable of looking after her own kids and her partner has had to give up his job.

Just wonder what people would do if the OPs DH became incapacitated and unable to work ? Or died the money would also stop ? Or lost his job due to the recession

Or is it just because it's op a sm and it's easier to blame her subtly or quite overtly.

I know mn isn't known as the kindness place on earth but to all the people saying op would be "living the dream" had a funny definition of living the dream...

Life happens bad things happen, ultimately no one should use maintaince as a props everything up if they are a parent.

A bad thing happened. The ex wife can vent a appendix for all she wants. It is what it is.

It doesn't sound like the ex wife or DSC will go without. Op hasn't had this illness at anyone, her DH is supporting her and as a mum who has a Dc with a sm, i would actually be horrified if my ex was not supporting his wife.

But then I work to support myself. Period.

Weather ex works part time or not won't make a difference you do realise don't you? Did you not listen to the budget today?

When you are a single parent it's often not cost effective to work full time. So even if ex works part time she will get UC bringing home almost a full time wage so she will manage that's what I first said to OP at the start.

I didn't see where the OP said the exes house was mortgage free or that he'd 'given' her a house. Can anyone point that out to me? She said he left the family home when their DC was a baby. I doubt they were together for long enough to pay off a mortgage, she could have taken the mortgage over and he had a responsibility to provide a home for his child.

To give up a well paid job so he is not in a position to provide for his DC is despicable IMO. If the OP is that disabled that she needs a carer, she should be asking social care for help, or her own family, or buying help in until social care can do a needs assessment. It does not make sense that anyone would do that unless they think they're going to be financially better off. Do you have a mortgage OP or do you rent and will you get full housing benefit and council tax support?

Why should the ex have to work more hours when she's also got all the household chores and bringing up of a 6 year old to do to enable her DCs dad to stay at home to look after another adult and 2 subsequent children. The £600 he was paying was not a gift it was a responsibility!

What if the ex can't get a full time job or increase her hours? Absolutely shit thing to do.

All I can add is that if I were the dad in this situation I would be pulling out all the stops to work flexibly, request parental leave, request a leave of absence, anything except give up work. Acknowledged as a high earner, €600 a month was obviously doable until now, while also supporting his new family. So let’s say he was on £75k, he’s now proposing to stop social insurance contributions and pension contributions and continual service without, it seems, any thought to how the three children are expected to have secure futures. The expensive years are ahead! Of all possible solutions, this seems like the worst possible path to choose, with both households experiencing a massive drop in incomes, and only the ex being relied upon to increase income, the price being she would have to see less of her child. I note that the ex is working, although some have mentioned her doing ‘minimal hours’ (not sure where this assumption came from): I dearly hope she is on a career track to financial security as it is apparent the rug can be pulled from under her in a way that leaves me aghast.

I think its wholly wrong to claim carers allowance (stating you provide 35 hours care per week) whilst at the same time saying someone must be your carer and that you need 35 hours care.

If you are that disabled you need 35 hours care you.would be incapable physically of providing the same.
Its immoral.

I feel for his ex as this just reads as another feckless father trying to avoid paying child support by playing the system

Your husband must have a very well paid job Op, because to be paying child support of £150 / week ( with two other children at home ) he would need to be earning £150,000 PA after his pension contributions.

Im assuming he puts a minimum of £20k a year into his pension, so he earns at least £170,000 a year.

You’d think that with that kind of income he could afford to pay for a carer for you. Or a nanny to care for his children with you.

How odd that he wants to give it all up.

To be paid £150 per week for the single extra night you have your child more than their father is a pretty cushy financial set up for the ex. Let's not piss about.
If she swapped it about and worked full time and became a "weekend mum" she would see her child more, not less.
I'll be saving my sympathy for the OP, who has a serious health condition, the child with severe autism and the man who did not cause or choose either of these things but will nevertheless have to deal with it all and balance the needs of all three of his children.

I don't think it's fair to your SD. It's hardly quality time with her father when he's running around looking after two really ill people. Basically the ex is stuck between a rock and a hard place... accept less money and make it work or accept less money get a full time job and hand SD over to a father who hasn't realistically got a spare minute to give her. For example... how is ex going to work full time around school pick up and drop offs? Is your dp going to pick up 3 children from I assume different schools whilst caring for you too? Doesn't make sense.

You don't have to go through cms you can still make a private arrangement.

Also I'm not sure if you feel this is your only option but the other option is to contact your local authority and ask for a needs assessment under the Care Act 2014. There is eligibility criteria one of which is around parenting your own children. You might be ablento get a direct payment to employ a PA to support you with things like meal prepa.amd personal care and also support you to parent your kids. The support is means tested on your income and savings only not of your husbands and if you live in your house it is not considered. You'd likely be better off financially via this route, your husband could keep his job etc also your social worker could try to involve children's services to ensure your child has the right support with their autism.

I'm sure OP would love to not need her husband to care for her but unfortunately she does. So the ex will just have to deal with it. It's not her fault no, but it is what it is, same as if the husband had died or become unable to work for any other reason.

OP - he's offered to look after his child more so that's all he can do really. And then yes I'd personally offer to go through CMS if it makes mum happier or just send her the online calculator and a breakdown of the figures so she can see how much she's getting. I'd be wary of paying more than that as a regular given thing as frankly if two of you are on benefits you might need the money yourselves for housing and food etc. He could always say he'll check at the end of each quarter if he can send any more her way.

As far as I'm aware doesn't exist in the UK.

Happy to be corrected but if true pretty sure I would have read about it

It's the reality of many families though. Fair enough if mum doesn't like the idea but dad's offer is fair