I wish it was just me and my bio kids

[unsta]

Does anyone else feel like this?
I'm young so think I took on too much with DC and DSC as well. I was naive that it'd all blend together at some point and I've tried so, so hard... but it's been years and I hate to admit it, but I so desperately wish that I was in control of my life, my own house, my own time, the parenting of my own children.
I feel like when it comes to DSC, my autonomy over my life, house and parenting has just completely blurred and I just feel like a guest in my house and an imposter in my life.

If there was a way to just have my bio children while keeping my relationship then I'd jump at it and I feel so awful admitting it.

Well I don’t see why she should. If her partner is seeing his child EOW for example then I can’t see why he can’t provide for his child himself. It’s not a lot to ask really, is it?

And also I should add to this. If he’s seeing his children more than EOW then he will be paying less in maintenance. That gives him even more money in his pocket to directly pay for things for his child. Even more reason for him to be the one to buy that winter coat for his child instead of his partner.

And you would say the same of a woman?

Of course I would! Why wouldn’t I?
I’m only giving that as an example because it’s more common for a man to be the NRP. But I know it’s not always the case.

Did that also coincide with you getting older? Because I no longer cuddle and kiss and sit my teenage SDs on my knee as it would be weird at 13 and 15, not because I was only pretending to like them ...

I am a step parent. I am also someone’s step child. My step dad is fantastic and has equal standing in his own right with my biological parents.

But my god, being a step parent is hard work. I often really don’t enjoy it. My step children have been parented very differently to how my own child has been, and to how I think is “right”. But nevertheless it is me who has steered their father towards buying them better clothes, reading with them, eating better food, taking them out and not letting them sit on devices 24/7. It was me who insisted something was amiss with one’s breathing until a gp appointment was made and a referral to a specialist was made. Neither of the biological parents were arsed about any of that. Their mother still isn’t. But she’s glad he’s with someone who is already a mother 🥴

So do I find being a step parenting challenging, sometimes extremely. However I care about those children and want the best for them as I do my own child. I don’t want them to look like uncared for also rans who don’t get the same opportunities my child does. I want them to have it all too.

So if it's a step mom she shouldn't have to put up with the inconvenience of step kids.

Whereas conversely a step Dad being around step kids more of the time is fine?

@Talon01 Er no, I didn't say anything even remotely like that?

you and your ex allow new SM to have space, most of us are demonised for even wanting it. You all sound great.

IME my DH supported DSS, his Mum and by extension DSS’ step dad because he wasn’t bringing any money in and DH provided a house and paid a hefty sum each month in CMS. So not always the case.

I think when you have had SM hell then get a second chance - you damndest to make it work. Sadly for second SM she has to deal with the EX SM ( hope that is not too confusing!) and all the issues we had are still there and amplified.

One is high maintenance stress and drama and the other we all work to make sure the kids are happy, have boundaries and we are all consistent. Now if second SM would stop making hot chocolate better than me -ie whipped cream and marshmallows then life would be perfect, as I am frequently told mine if just not as good!!

It takes work from everyone, compromise and a touch of laughter!