AIBU? (Stepmum edition) To go to the office during half term

lentilly · 2022-10-21T20:00:09+00:00

I work a mix of WFH and in the office and so does my DH we arrange it so we aren't both WFH at the same time as we had enough of that in lockdown. It has just come to light that he assumed I would be doing my usual days during half term but I was planning on going into the office more! I didn't want to be in a house with the noisy DSC. Anyway aparantly this is not being a team player as means he can't go into the office..hang on a minute who did he think would be around when the kids where here and he wasn't...that's right me.. AIBU (stepmum edition) to say no I'm going into the office everyday they are here.

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

bumpytrumpy · 21/10/2022 21:02

YANBU

He should be taking time off to actually parent his visiting children, not hiding in the office.

reallyworriedjobhunter · 21/10/2022 21:03

YANBU. He sounds hilarious.

Midnights · 21/10/2022 21:03

YANBU - I wouldn't fancy WFH with a house full of DC, no matter who's they were. He's not being a team player by not planning things with you, that's his problem 🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster

lentilly · 21/10/2022 21:03

bumpytrumpy · 21/10/2022 21:02

YANBU

He should be taking time off to actually parent his visiting children, not hiding in the office.

To clarify his plan was to have half the days when he was "WFH" as holiday. The other half he thought as I was "here anyway" it would be fine.

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Lilithslove · 21/10/2022 21:03

If you have usual days that you go in and stay home and didn't mention that you were going to go in more I can see why he assumed. I don't think you're unreasonable to want to go in but I don't think he's unreasonable in expecting you to stick to your usual patten as you didn't tell him that you weren't.

Original poster

lentilly · 21/10/2022 21:04

Lilithslove · 21/10/2022 21:03

If you have usual days that you go in and stay home and didn't mention that you were going to go in more I can see why he assumed. I don't think you're unreasonable to want to go in but I don't think he's unreasonable in expecting you to stick to your usual patten as you didn't tell him that you weren't.

That's what he thinks. It's the assumption that I would be ok with it even if I were WFH that is annoying me.

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katmarie · 21/10/2022 21:05

Nope. Working from home with kids around is a pain in the arse. I would go to the office too, if nothing else, just take sure I could do my job in peace.

DoodlePug · 21/10/2022 21:08

He's not unreasonable to think that you'd be doing your usual working pattern since you hadn't said otherwise but he's v. Unreasonable to think that you will parent his kids when you are wfh.

Possibly if these kids are older teenagers who just need an adult around to stop them burning the house down it would be reasonable to ask.

Greengr · 21/10/2022 21:13

He's having a laugh!

Original poster

lentilly · 21/10/2022 21:13

DoodlePug · 21/10/2022 21:08

He's not unreasonable to think that you'd be doing your usual working pattern since you hadn't said otherwise but he's v. Unreasonable to think that you will parent his kids when you are wfh.

Possibly if these kids are older teenagers who just need an adult around to stop them burning the house down it would be reasonable to ask.

They are older and yes if he had asked it might have been different but it might not have been tbh as they fall out with each other and I don't want that happening while I'm having a zoom meeting

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Chasingsquirrels · 21/10/2022 21:13

How old are they?

Although am smiling at - older teenagers who just need an adult around to stop them burning the house down - older teenagers has to be 17+!

Original poster

lentilly · 21/10/2022 21:15

The fact he has decided to take days off while they are here should have been indication enough to him that no it is not ideal to be trying to work with them around in our current house with its fairly open plan living (not fancy).

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AnneElliott · 21/10/2022 21:16

He's BU. They're his kids so he needs to parent them or actually ask if you would be prepared to help out.

SpacePotato · 21/10/2022 21:24

So he won't WFH while they're there but fully expects you to?

AnneLovesGilbert · 21/10/2022 21:27

YANBU. As if he thinks you can wfh while he and his kids loaf around the house on holiday. Or that you’ll watch them while he escapes to the office for a break.

Original poster

lentilly · 21/10/2022 21:27

SpacePotato · 21/10/2022 21:24

So he won't WFH while they're there but fully expects you to?

He does have plans to take them out. He was thinking they'd just hang around the house while I WFH. But no asking me! Just assumed I'd be in.

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Original poster

lentilly · 21/10/2022 21:29

AnneLovesGilbert · 21/10/2022 21:27

YANBU. As if he thinks you can wfh while he and his kids loaf around the house on holiday. Or that you’ll watch them while he escapes to the office for a break.

That's exactly it. He wants to carry on going into the office on his usual days. This isn't our shared kid though! It's his. Nothing to do with me!

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Original poster

lentilly · 21/10/2022 21:30

I've suggested he swaps his days so he is wfh and has the days he would usually be in the office off! Seemed the most obvious solution to me!

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AnneLovesGilbert · 21/10/2022 21:30

Hopefully he’ll use this as an opportunity to decide to communicate better in future, especially if he’s asking for a favour.

Chdjdn · 21/10/2022 21:31

I plan on going to the office more next week because I find it hard with noisy teen DSD at home but she can stay by herself so it’s not something I thought to discuss with DH.
If that was a hope of his then he should have talked to you about it when he was planning his week; I do try to work with DH on these things as we don’t really take on the “their his kids” approach that I see on here as that’s not helpful to our family dynamic but there’s mutual respect in each others work and time in that. I’m surprised that it’s got to the Friday before half term for you to ask him what his plans with the DC were for half term

girlmom21 · 21/10/2022 21:32

YANBU. They're not your kids to supervise and if you're working you're not there for supervision of his children anyway.

Original poster

lentilly · 21/10/2022 21:34

I’m surprised that it’s got to the Friday before half term for you to ask him what his plans with the DC were for half term why does it surprise you? I had assumed he had it sorted like he has every previous half term or holiday. The only reason he's decided this one is different is because he has them the whole week in a row as the kids are fed up of chopping and changing 3/4 days here and there.

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AnneLovesGilbert · 21/10/2022 21:35

I’m surprised that it’s got to the Friday before half term for you to ask him what his plans with the DC were for half term

OP is understandably surprised he’s waited till today to tell her he was banking on her taking care of his kids. They are his kids. It’s his job to sort suitable supervision/childcare for them. With plenty of notice.

Original poster

lentilly · 21/10/2022 21:37

AnneLovesGilbert · 21/10/2022 21:35

I’m surprised that it’s got to the Friday before half term for you to ask him what his plans with the DC were for half term

OP is understandably surprised he’s waited till today to tell her he was banking on her taking care of his kids. They are his kids. It’s his job to sort suitable supervision/childcare for them. With plenty of notice.

I am indeed! I mean not being funny but it's Friday night so if he wanted me to help him with his kids he should have asked by now not just let it come up in conversation when I'm planning the shopping.

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Riverlee · 21/10/2022 21:38

Lilithslove · 21/10/2022 21:03

If you have usual days that you go in and stay home and didn't mention that you were going to go in more I can see why he assumed. I don't think you're unreasonable to want to go in but I don't think he's unreasonable in expecting you to stick to your usual patten as you didn't tell him that you weren't.

That’s what I was thinking.