Is this cheeky or standard?

[wibblewobblewooo]

Hi, I have name changed as I've but moaned about this in real life and don't want it linked to my mumsnet moaning!

DSC's mum has asked if she can drop them off at 8:00pm tomorrow instead of 4pm as previously agreed, but she is still waning DH to give them their dinner. Surely whoever they are with at dinner time feeds them? They'll be so hungry or pester mum for a snack so not be hungry.

Surely 8pm is a perfectly normal time for dinner for a 9year old and 13 year old in the holidays?

Mine wouldn't have wanted to eat at 6 at that age. The teenager would have needed another meal before bed!

Maybe she meal plans and hasn't factored in that day because she wasn't due to have them? Maybe she has a really hectic schedule that day and thinks it's easier if their dad just feeds them whatever he'd had planned, just a bit later?

This is so trivial, it's hard to get one's teeth into, but YABU.

I'm with you OP it's odd.

If they were out and there was nowhere for them to eat fine.
She's just dropping them later because she doesn't want to do 2 journeys. They will all be at her house for normal dinner time and not leaving until after that time but because it's not her turn for dinner she's going to make them wait.

That's petty and mean and the kids will be hungry

What’s to stop those aged children making themselves a slice of toast or a bowl of cereal or grabbing a bag of crisps to tide them over until dinner at a perfectly civilised 8pm?!

Won’t they ask for something at her’s if they’re hungry? Seems odd. In this weather we’re not eating cooked meals anyway and we eat around 6 most days but she’s being weird so best not to rise to it then see what the DC want when they arrive.

9 and 13

i would hope they could make themselves a snack

You must understand the last part of your post means you're the same as her? no I'm not. I have absolutely no responsibility to feed these children at an appropriate time. I'm not driving to get them why the fuck would I?!

I mean it's no problem and like PP said DH will just whack a pizza on

if the teenager was hungry before then, surely he could whack a pizza on (and his sibling grab a slice too!)?

Yup. She wants to drop something off on the way at about 7.

You would think so. In which case why is she insisting DH provides dinner?

so she’s going to forbid her 13 year old from making himself a slice of peanut butter on toast?

Has your DH actually asked her why?

Only she knows the answer to that.

she is going to scream “NO!!” If he 9 year old asks her for a packet of crisps or pours himself a bowl of cereal.

Or maybe because it’s the holidays… they didn’t have breakfast until mid/late morning, lunch at 2.30, an ice cream at 5 and then… gasp, they’re not hungry until about 8

You'd think so. But why is she insisting dad sorts it?

And yes everyone, this is trivial, but who said the little things can't seem weird or bug us.

To be fair if you'd said in your OP that she was only not feeding them out of principle because it's not "her" turn that evening as opposed to a logistics issue then you might have had different responses from the outset.

Having said that, had you actually included that in your OP I'm sure some posters would have piled into you for starting a thread just to diss your DSC's mum blah blah.

At least next time someone insists on here that a SM "should treat them like your own" you can refuse to give them dinner because it's someone else's responsibility safe in the knowledge that MN thinks it's normal 😄

How the fuck do I know? She's refusing them dinner.

My 13 year old had

Breakfast at 10.30am
lunch at 2.30
a packet of crisps and a banana at 5
dinner… about to be served.

It sounds really petty on her side that she won’t feed them because it’s “your night” if they’re used to eating at 6ish

how do you know they’ve asked and she’s refused?!

How the “fuck do” you “know” they asked and she refused?

13 and 9! They would just grab some crisps and cereal or a banana if peckish.

No need to ask why. She said it's his turn.

I can look at it the other way op. My ex would say 'oh they've had a late lunch' and drop them home at 7pm on a Sunday (after collecting them at 10am Saturday) so I'd still have to make sure I had dinner organised for them on a Sunday night when they got home. This was once a fortnight. So really, unless it's a regular thing or there's more to this than meets the eye, I'd say it wasn't really a big deal.

Op

this doesn’t happen frequently
the children are 13 and 9 and perfectly capable of grabbing something to tide them over

how far does she live from you?

I have to say though that the heat has knocked everyone's appetite out of kilter in my house. No one can face eating before 9 but my kids are 20, 17 and 13 so obvs a bit older - but it might just be that they weren't hungry earlier rather than anything more sinister.

So do you genuinely feel that she will let her kids starve because it’s his turn?