Is this cheeky or standard?

[wibblewobblewooo]

Hi, I have name changed as I've but moaned about this in real life and don't want it linked to my mumsnet moaning!

DSC's mum has asked if she can drop them off at 8:00pm tomorrow instead of 4pm as previously agreed, but she is still waning DH to give them their dinner. Surely whoever they are with at dinner time feeds them? They'll be so hungry or pester mum for a snack so not be hungry.

You have young children

Your dh has young children AND a year 4/5 AND a teenager.

So at the very least your dh will have to adjust the dinner regime occasionally to accommodate fact that from now on it is likely that dinner at 6 every other Friday and Saturday is often simply not going to appeal to a tween / teenager.

You went abroad for one night?

We always ate dinner at around 8pm as that's the time my dad got finished with work.

14yo DS will ask to wait until he gets to mine for dinner if his dad is dropping him off later than usual because he prefers the kind of food we eat, knows I'll make something he likes & would rather eat his own eyeballs than sweet potato which is a staple in their meals.

In your situation as a one off I'd just get on with it & if they're hungry when they arrive feed them.

Op, this thread is insane.

Of course it's weird not to feed kids at their usual time.

This with bells on

on so many levels

the timing, the ages, the holiday, everything!

No we went out to eat one night.

So in your entire life

you have eaten out on a foreign holiday once.

and on that one dinner, you assume everyone put eating later than 6pm were watching a football tournament? Otherwise they would have been eating at 6pm?

@WinterDeWinter it gets odder!

You know what the answer would be if you had written this:

Im a step parent and I need to drop step kids off with their mum late tonight. It’s hours later than I normally drop them off, but is it fine I don’t bother to feed them because it’s not our day to feed them?

wonder what the answer would be?
my 13 year old eats at 5 and harasses me from 4 when dinner will be. Doesn’t eat again later as well.

@JubileeTrifle

Did you note that this is not at all a frequent event?

So as an exception the Mother is dropping later, a 9 and 13 year old in the school holidays, during a heat wave, when they probably had breakfast and lunch later than normal (and no doubt an ice cream mid afternoon!), and are older enough to get a packet of crisps, peel a banana or even…. Put a slice of bread in the toaster

That’s not what I am saying. I’m saying if a step parent did this she would get her arse handed to her. Even if she said, it’s a heatwave and they had a snack blah blah

Ah, I have no idea about that. But presume you’re a SM

No. I’ve just seen how SM are treated on here (and I wouldn’t ever be one after what I’ve read)

Actually @JubileeTrifle if a step-parent had posted that, the most common first response would be: “why are you dropping your DSC off instead of one of the parents doing it?”

Come on @DuchessDarty you know that a large proportion of posters would come down extremely hard on a step mother who said that they would not be providing a meal for the SCs because it's not their turn.
Step mothers are held to a higher standard than mothers in many ways on here, despite the fact that step mothers are not the ones responsible for the children.

Yes many people do hold step-mothers to a higher standard. But to be totally honest @Lilithslove, I often despair by some of the attitude towards their DSC shown by other SMs on this board. Many set themselves a low bar IMO. It gives us all a bad name.

You know as well as I do that anyone blaming SM would get descended on. And probably reminded of MNHQ’s recent statement that this board is primarily for step-parents. Even if the posters not agreeing with them are or were step-parents themselves…

The scenario of a SM asking about not feeding her DSC is not equivalent to here because it’s not the Mother asking here. The person not providing dinner is not asking. If the mother was asking, she may well have received a harder time. It is easier to be critical of the person who is asking because you can ask them questions and fill in gaps. With the person not being asked, you have to speculate and go by what the OP is telling you, including their perceptions.

How straightforward and reliable-sounding an OP is also influenced responses, regardless of whether they’re a mother or step-mother.

And btw, not giving dinner does not mean not feeding.

As I and at least one other PP said, it may be the DSC who want to have dinner at their father’s or need the routine of that.

I often despair by some of the attitude towards their DSC shown by other SMs on this board. Many set themselves a low bar IMO. It gives us all a bad name.

Do you think the op is this camp? If not why is this the relevant to the op?

The scenario of a SM asking about not feeding her DSC is not equivalent to here because it’s not the Mother asking here

Ok, imagine if a mother asked if she was being unreasonable to be annoyed that the sm sent her kids back with no dinner because it wasn't her turn. Do you not think she would be unanimously told that she was not being unreasonable.

Or, given their ages, they grab a snack from home!!

Well yes quite! That’s included in what I meant by “not feeding”. The mother may have made suitable snacks easily accessible for them to help themselves, even if she didn’t directly hand it to them.

@Lilithslove

Do you think the op is this camp? If not why is this the relevant to the op?

No I don’t the OP is in this camp. I don’t think it’s relevant to the OP; it’s relevant to what you said. Even if it’s not relevant at all, there’s no rule about irrelevance. Stop moderating.

Ok, imagine if a mother asked if she was being unreasonable to be annoyed that the sm sent her kids back with no dinner because it wasn't her turn. Do you not think she would be unanimously told that she was not being unreasonable.

No I honestly don’t. Not if she was acting on this board. Many of the frequent SMs on here, including myself, would ask her why it was the SM’s responsibility and not the other parent’s.

Stop moderating

Ironically you are moderating with this comment much more than I am. I never told you to stop posting anything ....
**

Fancy not giving your kids any dinner at dinnertime because it's not your turn 🙁

OP why doesn't your partner just say to his ex wife "yes we'll feed them, thats no problem - but won't they be really hungry by then? Are you sure it wouldn't be better for them to eat at 5 as normal?"

Ig-ZACKLY.

@Lilithslove No you didn’t tell me to stop, but what you said is a form of moderating. I’ve seen you and a few others do it a few times recently.

But yes, you’re right, my moderation is bigger than your moderation.