Left DSC home alone

[Work1]

This happened yesterday but I'm still fuming about it to be honest.

I was due in work at 9am, husband starts at 7am so I've been dropping DSC at their holiday club on my way to work a few times when they've been at ours and we've had to go into work. They don't particularly like going but it is what it is.

Anyway yesterday morning DSC (9) was in a foul mood, refusing to get up, point blank refusing to go to club, saying 'make me', saying they were too tired and so on...

Anyway, it got to the point where I was going to be seriously late for work and I had to drop our child off too so I just fucked off and left. I rang DH and told him he'd need to come home from work and deal with it and I left and went to work.

DSC rang his mum and she's furious he was left alone but I am passed caring. They will now need to sort holiday clubs out or time off themselves as I won't be helping with it again (she's dropped them off with me beforehand too to take them to clubs as she starts work earlier than me). No way was I being late for work because of a 9 year olds tantrum and I wasn't dragging him out to the car either. Instead of being furious with me how about being cross with your child for being so naughty?!

SS would do bugger all. They are constantly involved in my DSDs mums life because she is awful to the kids. But deem there's no issue and believe me, she does a hell of a lot worse than leaving a 9 year old alone for 30 mins

You did the right thing. Not your child not your responsibility. They both need to make the effort not leave it up to you to parent a child that isn't yours.

Also my child was only left for 20s so half the time

In hindsight, I would have called DH or the mum just before you desperately needed to leave so he wasn't home alone. Just so if anything bad happened, it wouldn't be on your shoulders.

But it's so hard when they aren't your children and you can't parent them as you would have your own.

I'm glad you have put your foot down and won't be doing it for the little shit anymore 😂 He can learn to behave and not take the piss because he is aware you aren't his mum or dad.

@frazzledasarock no they did an investigation still as such and got involved she was told she couldn't leave them again otherwise they would step in

And good luck making that case in court. Parental alienation is not a reasonable response to a 9 year old spending half an hour in bed alone 😂

@BiscoffSundae exactly yet i have been accused of basically lying , they can get involved and do

@worriedatthistime another poster suggested OP take a day off work.

I don’t think I could be fuming at anyone leaving a badly behaved NT 9 year old alone in a familiar, safe space while he waited for his dad. Even if they were upset about it.

They were fine. Sometimes children should feel upset. If they treat others badly, it will mean that they don’t get things the way they want it. He wasn’t in any danger. He was likely just looking to enlist his mum and have his feelings that he shouldn’t have to do what he’s told validated. He presumably knew his dad wasn’t happy with him either. So it’s almost certainly classic playing your divorced parents off one another, with the added benefit of scapegoating your SM.

He’s 9. His father has left him before so clearly doesn’t think he lacks the maturity for it.

The idea that any of this is of any interested to overstretched social services is laughable.

My 9 year old DS moans and grumbles about having to get dressed to go to holiday club. But outright refusing and saying 'make me', he wouldn't dare. I can't imagine my DS ever being as openly defiant as your DSC. You're right, he's parents need to step up and deal with this.

Surely it should be dads responsibility to at least wake him up and tell him to get ready before he leaves for work.

I'd feel uncomfortable leaving a 9 year old for that long, especially as it should have been clear much earlier that he wasn't getting ready so dad needed to sort it, but for a last minute decision I don't think OP did anything wrong!

@I6344 each case is different though and each social worker
We were all gob smacked when my friend was told not to leave hers and they were a fair bit older

If this is such a big deal to SS, then why aren't they knocking in the doors of every parent who lets their kid play out at the park for half an hour unsupervised, or walking themselves to school?

Personally I wouldn't have left him alone for safety reasons.

However, if I were you I'd refuse to have any supervisory responsibilities for him going forward. He is disobedient, and that is for his parents to sort. If that means their work is messed up then so be it. Step back. I say that as someone who is a Step Mum and often had responsibility for my 2 step kids including all weekend on my own when DH was travelling.

@frazzledasarock a day off is crazy and that should def only fall on his mum or dad
Its bad enough having to take a day off for your own

So if the person who was supposed to be looking after your child suddenly left them alone for 30-40 mins, you'd be fine with that? And if something happened to the child I'm that time, you wouldn't blame the person who left him?

You've said this a couple of times but let's dig a bit here. Your friend was reported for leaving her slightly older child/children unattended. But under what circumstances? For how long? At what kind of times? Leaving them alone at night to go boozing? A weekend in Ibiza leaving a 14 year old home alone? Leaving a 10 year old alone all day during the week while she went to work 9-5? Leaving little Kevin alone to go on a family holiday to France while two inept burglars were trying to kill him?

Or was it leaving a 9yo in bed for half an hour til their parents got home?

The fact that the child phoned his mother to tell on his stepmum and dad speaks volumes about the dysfunctional dynamic there.

Totally agree.

SS allows children to stay in homes where there is dog shit on the walls and worse. They aren't going to act on a 9 year old being left home alone for 35 minutes and their parent being on their way unless there's a drip feed like the child has no sense of danger.

My experience of ss doesn’t relate to people’s on here though people on here usually claim kids are left in squalor with drug addict parents with drugs and dog shit lying all over the place and don’t forget piles of filthy nappies and dead pets 🙄 kids with no beds sleeping on the floor etc and ss do nothing apparently.... not my experience irl and I’ve known ss to get involved for much much less.

Probably because the kids parents haven't shown them that you don't behave this way with adults. Any adult.

If my DD did this I would be looking at my own parenting skills as to why they were so rude to a adult.

As a parent I can pick my child up and move her into the car. Can you imagine if she did that there would be cries of child abuse going on.

How can people not see that a step parent doesn't have the same ability as a adult.

If I was a babysitter which I'm not and one of my charges refused to comply with a totally reasonable request as op did I would call the parents to and refuse to look after them again. That said I'm being paid for my time. Which op is not

They might get involved but that doesn't mean there will be any serious consequences. It's OPs prerogative to be more concerned about consequences at work.

That's true I didn't think of that. My DCDs half brother set the kitchen on fire at age 3 because he hadn't been fed and he was hungry. SS investigated and said there was no risk. The mind boggles

If the reason they left my child was that they risk their job all anger and fury would be directed at the little shit of a child who had somehow mistakingly misunderstood their position and power.

I would be mortified and begging for the forgiveness of the kind person who had tried to do me such a brilliant favour

I'm torn between admiration at your actions and worrying that it's a long time to leave a 9 yr old alone.
However if you hadn't left, I expect his DFs trip from work might have been a bit more leisurely- if at all.
Absolutely refuse to be put in that situation AGM.

Being left home alone is seen as different from kids being out alone, god knows why 🤷‍♀️