Left DSC home alone

[Work1]

This happened yesterday but I'm still fuming about it to be honest.

I was due in work at 9am, husband starts at 7am so I've been dropping DSC at their holiday club on my way to work a few times when they've been at ours and we've had to go into work. They don't particularly like going but it is what it is.

Anyway yesterday morning DSC (9) was in a foul mood, refusing to get up, point blank refusing to go to club, saying 'make me', saying they were too tired and so on...

Anyway, it got to the point where I was going to be seriously late for work and I had to drop our child off too so I just fucked off and left. I rang DH and told him he'd need to come home from work and deal with it and I left and went to work.

DSC rang his mum and she's furious he was left alone but I am passed caring. They will now need to sort holiday clubs out or time off themselves as I won't be helping with it again (she's dropped them off with me beforehand too to take them to clubs as she starts work earlier than me). No way was I being late for work because of a 9 year olds tantrum and I wasn't dragging him out to the car either. Instead of being furious with me how about being cross with your child for being so naughty?!

Refusing to take him to club again - fine.
Leaving him at home on his own - not fine. Whether you like it or not, you accepted being in loco parentis when you married his dad.

@Jomo01 and what exactly is wrong with a child knowing who their own parents are and not being fed sweet little lies to make the adults feel better about their choice to split the original family?

This is despicable! You say he’s NOT your child, but when u marry someone with kids, that makes it YOUR responsibility. U can’t just leave because u don’t like his attitude. I hope u go to jail

Why would the OP go to jail?

She's done nothing illegal, and she passed responsibility back to the childs father when she phoned to say he'd need to return as she had to leave.
He then accepted that responsibility by agreeing to return home immediately.

Now I have got this stuck in my head. Thanks!

She should have really waited until he'd got back though.

Why. Dad was on his way. All the child had to do was stay in bed and not move. Which they were quite happy to do.

Sigh. More people who can't seem to differentiate between a marriage certificate and adoption papers. 🙄

Sorry but it seems like you don’t care about your DSC by the way you talk about them. “Someone else’s child?” Really? The second you married someone with a kid, that kid should be seen also as your kid. You are an adult who acted like a child and it’s pretty sad.

Jail? Really?! Ffs 😆

The second you married someone with a kid, that kid should be seen also as your kid.

Nope.

Imagine..
Inmate "what you in for"?
Op"leaving a 9yo Home Alone"
Inmate "surprised a mner didn't come round and assassinate you"..

@Ashleybear7

The second you married someone with a kid, that kid should be seen also as your kid.

You do not adopt a child when you marry their parent! You can apply to adopt the child if the parent is dead or out of the picture. You have to be married and living with one of the parents for 2 years before you can even apply.

If the child's Mother is involved in the child's care, she will object strenuously to her child being seen as 'your child'. She may try to legally block you from having any care responsibilities - or even being in the same house as the child! If you and the child's father split up, you will probably never see the child again.

Now, you were saying?

www.adoptsouthwest.org.uk/adopting-a-child/types-of-adoption/step-parent-adoption/

.

@Ashleybear7 do you think that if there are two tickets for something to do with DSDs then I should get equal priority to their parents attending? Do you think I should weigh in on decisions about where they go to school and get equal say? If I become old and infirm do you think my DSCs should take care of me in the same way as they would their mother? If I disagree with their mother should my opinion have equal weight to hers?

If the answer to any of these is no then how does that square up with them being seen as my kid?

@SpaceshiptoMars and @Lilithslove - you both make great points. I've said before, as a stepmum and also mum to a daughter who also has a stepmum, I would be furious if the stepmum claimed my daughter was hers in the same way as her own kids are. Some absolutely nuts opinions on here as always.

“You must also be married to, or the partner of, one of the child’s parents for at least two years and also lived with the child full-time for at least six months.”

This is such a radically different scenario to the married to a nonresident father with EOW or similar contact situation that describes the vast majority of stepmother’s lives. That matters because they very much do not become your children - however much posters might like to claim they are.

Quite simply, and in very important ways, stepchildren are not your children. They just are not. It’s not even generally desirable (to them, to their mother, to the rest of the world) for them to be your children.

The whole idea seems to function mostly as a way to ensure stepparents always lose. They can be blamed for treating stepchildren as not their children, and blamed just as much for pretending they are their children.

I would have said @SudocremOnEverything that the whole point is to ensure that stepMOTHERS carry in doing the wife work with children that are nit their responsibility.

You never hear that ‘treat those children as if they were yours’ from stepfathers. It’s always stepmothers.

They definitely don't become 'your children' DC's step mum is amazing to them and she often checks in with me if I'm ok about something - hair cut, stick on nails that sort of thing. She doesn't need to as i trust her judgement but it's also nice that she does and it shows she doesn't think of them as 'her children' which tbh would be overstepping!

which tbh would be overstepping!

Let's lose that 'overstepping' phrase, shall we? It has unpleasant historical associations with servants and blacks 'overstepping' into parts of the house they are not allowed to go.

As welcome as a bucket of cold sick, really, just like you won't like being called biomum!

@liveforsummer 'taking it too far' will do just fine!

I would say exactly what you said to her and your husband if they moan at you.
fuck off and teach your kid to behave then. X

Somebody got out the patronising and aggressive side of the bed this morning, didn't they!

Doesn't matter. YOU married into this life. YOU took the responsibility of this child's well being and transportation to childcare services. Newsflash: you were selfish and immature and shouldn't be in charge of children because you can't do the job. Doesn't matter if you get paid or not- you got married and agreed to taking care of that child. And just leave a child alone in general especially when you could've built a relationship with that child in that moment - when things aren't going the way they should - it's time to figure out why and use that opportunity to make things better and build the child's emotional intelligence. You just showed a child that when you don't get your way to just give up and abandon. That was your actions. You also showed that child that when he throws a tantrum he will get his way with you. Congratulations you taught weakness in 3 different ways.