Page 22 | Left DSC home alone

Work1 · 2022-08-04T09:24:19+00:00

This happened yesterday but I'm still fuming about it to be honest. I was due in work at 9am, husband starts at 7am so I've been dropping DSC at their holiday club on my way to work a few times when they've been at ours and we've had to go into work. They don't particularly like going but it is what it is. Anyway yesterday morning DSC (9) was in a foul mood, refusing to get up, point blank refusing to go to club, saying 'make me', saying they were too tired and so on... Anyway, it got to the point where I was going to be seriously late for work and I had to drop our child off too so I just fucked off and left. I rang DH and told him he'd need to come home from work and deal with it and I left and went to work. DSC rang his mum and she's furious he was left alone but I am passed caring. They will now need to sort holiday clubs out or time off themselves as I won't be helping with it again (she's dropped them off with me beforehand too to take them to clubs as she starts work earlier than me). No way was I being late for work because of a 9 year olds tantrum and I wasn't dragging him out to the car either. Instead of being furious with me how about being cross with your child for being so naughty?!

Becky6758 · 04/08/2022 23:39

ThePumpkinPatch · 04/08/2022 23:30

@Becky6758 It's neglect and endangerment of a child.

The situation OP left her step son in clearly was not endangering or neglectful. 🙄

CharlieAndTooManyCharacters · 04/08/2022 23:40

2 hours is considerably longer than 30-40 minutes.

CharlieAndTooManyCharacters · 04/08/2022 23:41

Even without any other context (and there will have been context - how would the police even have been involved otherwise?) it’s not the same situation.

CallOfTheMild · 04/08/2022 23:46

ThePumpkinPatch · 04/08/2022 23:38

@CharlieAndTooManyCharacters No you're wrong! He left her alone for two hours. Nothing else.

Do you mind me asking how old she was, and of what your Ex was eventually convicted?

Sorry if it brings back awful memories.

Imthedamnfoolwhoshothim · 05/08/2022 00:00

ThePumpkinPatch · 04/08/2022 23:24

The charge is listed as "...was charged with "Assault / ill-treat/
neglect / abandon a child / young person to cause unnecessary suffering / injury*, on
(Removed date) with regards to neglect of his daughter....."

Oh yea that's totally the same as this. Carry on, you're not making a fool of yourself at all.

ThePumpkinPatch · 05/08/2022 02:02

@Imthedamnfoolwhoshothim You're the only person making a fool of yourself by condoning the neglect of a nine year old child! Whether they're a baby, 6/7/8 or 9, they cannot sufficiently protect themselves! Yes, of course a 9yr old is more competent than a toddler but neither has the capability to protect themselves from certain dangers - therefore it's still endangering a child!

In my last house, my neighbour left her 11yr old in charge of her 9yr old to go on a date. The 9yr old subsequently fell down the stairs whilst 11yr old was sulking on her phone in her room. Thankfully he was fine but only because I happened to be knocking on the door to ask a favour at the exact moment he fell!! Of course I'll be accused of lying about this but I know fine well it happened & won't ever forget it. Including the sound of his little skinny body hitting the stairs & crashing into the front door as I stepped up to the other side of it.
She wasn't prosecuted but as she took him to hospital when she got home & was honest, they of course referred to SS. They investigated & warned her that it was unacceptable and if they investigated anything similar from her in future that her kids would be considered to be In Need. She was also given an NSPCC brochure explaining how to determine when your child/ren is ready to be left alone! I know all this as she told me herself whilst raging!

ThePumpkinPatch · 05/08/2022 02:20

@CallOfTheMild 5 weeks old believe it or not. I was in A&E. He couldn't come with me of course, due to having a newborn and hours & hours in A&E not being ideal for a baby, so he'd stayed at home with her. Next morning he 'assumed' I'd be home soon and buggered off to work, leaving her in her little seat................. She was still feeding every 2 hours at this stage, had reflux(!) & still suffered a little with Colic so was very unhappy to begin with!! She was so so incredibly dehydrated when I found her, poor thing. Any longer and she'd have been gone.
He never saw her again. Kicked him out immediately and called Solicitors.

So yes, wildly different than leaving a 9yr old alone of course. However I remember the Police Officer saying to me that it doesn't make any difference whether they're newborn or 11, whilst yes an 11yr old is distinctly more competent & capable than a baby (obviously), neither can fully protect themselves or make proper balanced & mature decisions about how to protect themselves, from things such as fire or intruders etc.
Too many people seem to think that as soon as their child sounds & acts like a teenager, that they are one!

ThePumpkinPatch · 05/08/2022 02:22

*Swing seat

Oblomov22 · 05/08/2022 03:55

What does your Dh intend to say to step son, when he comes ti your house next, re all this. What is Dh going to do, to stop this from happening again?

Coyoacan · 05/08/2022 04:04

That sounds absolutely horrible, ThePumpkinPatch but there is no comparison.

I would not leave a nine-year-old alone for too long or on a regular basis, but that is just because I wouldn't want them to feel lonely, not because I'd expect them to set fire to the house.

Original poster

Work1 · 05/08/2022 04:35

Yes leaving a newborn baby for 2 hours is entirely the same you're right!

OP posts:

Ithinkwemightgetaholiday · 05/08/2022 04:50

ThePumpkinPatch · 05/08/2022 02:20

@CallOfTheMild 5 weeks old believe it or not. I was in A&E. He couldn't come with me of course, due to having a newborn and hours & hours in A&E not being ideal for a baby, so he'd stayed at home with her. Next morning he 'assumed' I'd be home soon and buggered off to work, leaving her in her little seat................. She was still feeding every 2 hours at this stage, had reflux(!) & still suffered a little with Colic so was very unhappy to begin with!! She was so so incredibly dehydrated when I found her, poor thing. Any longer and she'd have been gone.
He never saw her again. Kicked him out immediately and called Solicitors.

So yes, wildly different than leaving a 9yr old alone of course. However I remember the Police Officer saying to me that it doesn't make any difference whether they're newborn or 11, whilst yes an 11yr old is distinctly more competent & capable than a baby (obviously), neither can fully protect themselves or make proper balanced & mature decisions about how to protect themselves, from things such as fire or intruders etc.
Too many people seem to think that as soon as their child sounds & acts like a teenager, that they are one!

That is so far from the OPs situation, cannot believe you're even comparing it...and think it's relevant. Leaving a newborn alone is the kind of thing I'd have had nightmares about when mine were babies.

Original poster

Work1 · 05/08/2022 05:50

I know. The comparison is ridiculous.

OP posts:

MiddleParking · 05/08/2022 06:11

“5 weeks old believe it or not” is the most amazing plot twist I’ve ever seen on mumsnet 😂

MsTSwift · 05/08/2022 06:25

That made me laugh! Two week old! we are talking about a great hulking 9 year old! Too silly!

Know it’s a tangent but people do need to loosen the apron strings gradually during late primary by 11 they are expected to get themselves to and from secondary there needs to be a gradual build up to this or you end up like the odd family in our neighbourhood who both walk their teens to school.

MsTSwift · 05/08/2022 06:25

Sorry five week but same difference!

SpidersAreShitheads · 05/08/2022 06:26

Becky6758 · 04/08/2022 23:26

Why should the OP care what the mum thinks or wishes? She doesn’t answer to her. She called her DH and he didn’t object to her leaving.

Stop being so melodramatic. The child wasn’t at risk, he was left in bed in his own home.

Next time he might think twice about misbehaving.

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The reason why OP should care is that most blended families try to work together and respect each other's wishes - or the decent ones do at least. The only time that's not possible is when party is being wildly unreasonable, or just acting like a bellend.

Not wanting your 9 yr old child to be left at home unattended isn't unreasonable. There are lots of parents who would consider this to be way too young - especially for longer than a few minutes. I can't see therefore why it would be unreasonable to try and accommodate the mother's preference.

If it's so perfectly safe, why don't parents everywhere leave their 9yr olds at home for hours? Because let's face it, it can be bloody inconvenient having to factor in a child when you're trying to get stuff done.

We both know the answer. It's because a 9 yr old is too young to be left safely at home. They're not old enough or mature enough to deal with any mishaps that can occur.

I'm sorry you think a child's safety is being melodramatic.

If this child had been used to being left at home for long periods, it would be different. I'd personally still think it's too young but if it had been carefully managed and built up to, then it's very different from flouncing out and leaving a young child at home for a significant period of time, especially when they would have no idea when an adult would be there.

The fact that the child refused to get out of bed and created a really difficult situation is entirely another point and obviously needs addressing. And likewise, the OP clearly doesn't want or feel able to step in as many other step parents do, and that's fine. It's her right to opt out, and clearly that would be the correct thing to do for the future.

Ontomatopea · 05/08/2022 06:28

SpidersAreShitheads · 05/08/2022 06:26

The reason why OP should care is that most blended families try to work together and respect each other's wishes - or the decent ones do at least. The only time that's not possible is when party is being wildly unreasonable, or just acting like a bellend.

Not wanting your 9 yr old child to be left at home unattended isn't unreasonable. There are lots of parents who would consider this to be way too young - especially for longer than a few minutes. I can't see therefore why it would be unreasonable to try and accommodate the mother's preference.

If it's so perfectly safe, why don't parents everywhere leave their 9yr olds at home for hours? Because let's face it, it can be bloody inconvenient having to factor in a child when you're trying to get stuff done.

We both know the answer. It's because a 9 yr old is too young to be left safely at home. They're not old enough or mature enough to deal with any mishaps that can occur.

I'm sorry you think a child's safety is being melodramatic.

If this child had been used to being left at home for long periods, it would be different. I'd personally still think it's too young but if it had been carefully managed and built up to, then it's very different from flouncing out and leaving a young child at home for a significant period of time, especially when they would have no idea when an adult would be there.

The fact that the child refused to get out of bed and created a really difficult situation is entirely another point and obviously needs addressing. And likewise, the OP clearly doesn't want or feel able to step in as many other step parents do, and that's fine. It's her right to opt out, and clearly that would be the correct thing to do for the future.

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That's between mum and dad to sort out their different parenting styles though. Dad said it was ok

frazzledasarock · 05/08/2022 06:30

Half an hour is not a long period of time. He was in bed.

he had access to a phone and knew how to use it.

His dad clearly felt he was safe enough for OP to go to work whilst he made his way to the house.

Ontomatopea · 05/08/2022 06:31

Work1 · 04/08/2022 13:50

As I said in my OP, I also take him on mum's time too and she drops him off with me before she goes to work.

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I'd stop doing that then.

Cadot · 05/08/2022 06:59

It was wrong and neglectful to leave a 9 year old alone when you had accepted responsibility for the child. Even if you are not the parent.

You should have waited until the father got home and then refused to be responsible in the future for the child.

Being late to work is obviously not good but it would be a once off and preferable to abandoning a very young child.

Becky6758 · 05/08/2022 07:04

SpidersAreShitheads · 05/08/2022 06:26

The reason why OP should care is that most blended families try to work together and respect each other's wishes - or the decent ones do at least. The only time that's not possible is when party is being wildly unreasonable, or just acting like a bellend.

Not wanting your 9 yr old child to be left at home unattended isn't unreasonable. There are lots of parents who would consider this to be way too young - especially for longer than a few minutes. I can't see therefore why it would be unreasonable to try and accommodate the mother's preference.

If it's so perfectly safe, why don't parents everywhere leave their 9yr olds at home for hours? Because let's face it, it can be bloody inconvenient having to factor in a child when you're trying to get stuff done.

We both know the answer. It's because a 9 yr old is too young to be left safely at home. They're not old enough or mature enough to deal with any mishaps that can occur.

I'm sorry you think a child's safety is being melodramatic.

If this child had been used to being left at home for long periods, it would be different. I'd personally still think it's too young but if it had been carefully managed and built up to, then it's very different from flouncing out and leaving a young child at home for a significant period of time, especially when they would have no idea when an adult would be there.

The fact that the child refused to get out of bed and created a really difficult situation is entirely another point and obviously needs addressing. And likewise, the OP clearly doesn't want or feel able to step in as many other step parents do, and that's fine. It's her right to opt out, and clearly that would be the correct thing to do for the future.

Show quote history

30-40 minutes is not a long period of time.

OP rang dad and he didn’t have a problem with her leaving.

Step mums do not have to take mums consideration into account full stop. You can still be a decent step mum.

She didn’t flounce. She left to get to work…. On time.

The talk of ‘ why don’t everyone leave 9 year olds for hours’ isn’t comparable. It wasn’t hours, it was a short amount of time. People do in fact leave their children for short amounts of time to pop up shops.

I'm sorry you are being melodramatic.

Becky6758 · 05/08/2022 07:05

MiddleParking · 05/08/2022 06:11

“5 weeks old believe it or not” is the most amazing plot twist I’ve ever seen on mumsnet 😂

Same!!! I Can’t believe it’s even been brought up!

Yousee · 05/08/2022 07:08

Gosh, the circles are dizzying on this thread.
The father was fine to leave him, he knew he would be home soon.
The child was not abandoned. He was in bed. In his home. While his parent made his was home.
9 is not a very young child.
Half an hour is not a very long time.
Whether the mother is happy is not OPs concern. The father was happy.
Whether the mother bans OP from caring for her child again is not OPs concern. OPs life gets easier, mum and dad's life gets harder. Oh well.

Cadot · 05/08/2022 07:10

The father thinking it's ok doesn't make it ok.