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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Left DSC home alone

775 replies

Work1 · 04/08/2022 10:24

This happened yesterday but I'm still fuming about it to be honest.

I was due in work at 9am, husband starts at 7am so I've been dropping DSC at their holiday club on my way to work a few times when they've been at ours and we've had to go into work. They don't particularly like going but it is what it is.

Anyway yesterday morning DSC (9) was in a foul mood, refusing to get up, point blank refusing to go to club, saying 'make me', saying they were too tired and so on...

Anyway, it got to the point where I was going to be seriously late for work and I had to drop our child off too so I just fucked off and left. I rang DH and told him he'd need to come home from work and deal with it and I left and went to work.

DSC rang his mum and she's furious he was left alone but I am passed caring. They will now need to sort holiday clubs out or time off themselves as I won't be helping with it again (she's dropped them off with me beforehand too to take them to clubs as she starts work earlier than me). No way was I being late for work because of a 9 year olds tantrum and I wasn't dragging him out to the car either. Instead of being furious with me how about being cross with your child for being so naughty?!

OP posts:
pitchforksandflamethrowers · 04/08/2022 19:41

@AcrossthePond55 good thing she called dad and got the ok to leave him there so she didn't go blank on anyone.

Surprising that even with this knowledge people act as if op had just poof vanished without speaking to her DH. One of the parents gave the ok to that.

So how is op still at fault ?

billy1966 · 04/08/2022 19:43

Emotionalsupportviper · 04/08/2022 19:02

THIS ⬆

Lay even a gentle hand on someone else'e child and you are in deep trouble. Plus - a nine year old boy is heavy - and can kick and strike out. You could get into a situation where you drop him and he gets hurt, or where he just lets himself go limp and heavy and you can't shift him at all. You've then lost - and shown him that you can't physically coerce him. This is worse than not engaging in the battle at all.

Would have done exactly the same as the OP.. Like a PP I babysat younger siblings from being very young (8 yrs old) myself.

Refuse to ever do anything for your step child again if you want.

I think this is what OP intends to do (and I don't blame her). And doubtless if she'd known what a pain he was going to be she wouldn't have been looking after him at all - but there has to be a first time, doesn't there?

Show quote history

So agree.

He said "make me" ?

9 years of age saying that to an adult?

And his mother is giving the OP grief.

I hope the OP is ceasing all care for him.

His mother and father should be focusing on the rudeness of their child, but that would involve parenting.

So much easier to get on their high horse about the OP.

Clearly OP you have been a soft touch and a mug.

I hope this incident gives you the bottle to end all accommodations to your wet hus and and his Ex.

Ontomatopea · 04/08/2022 19:46

pitchforksandflamethrowers · 04/08/2022 19:41

@AcrossthePond55 good thing she called dad and got the ok to leave him there so she didn't go blank on anyone.

Surprising that even with this knowledge people act as if op had just poof vanished without speaking to her DH. One of the parents gave the ok to that.

So how is op still at fault ?

No idea! It's between OP and dad. Dad outsourced his caring to OP and OP ran it past him and he OK'd it. Not OP's fault. It's just a different style of parenting between dad and mum. They should work it out between them

Starseeking · 04/08/2022 19:55

I'd have done the same thing.

And like you, I'd not be doing these favours for his parents again either. He sounds extremely disrespectful with his "make me". I'd have seen red too. Glad to hear your DH's anger is focussed on the right person. A Disney Dad would be furious with you for leaving golden DC while he travelled home.

ThePumpkinPatch · 04/08/2022 20:38

Bloody hell OP YABVVVVVVVVVVVVVU you left a CHILD home alone! You should be arrested for that.

My DD's late father left her home alone when I was in hospital and he was arrested and charged with neglect of a child

ThePumpkinPatch · 04/08/2022 20:39

GreenManalishi · 04/08/2022 10:39

I'm just struck with the complete lack of empathy for the 9 year old. Why would you marry someone with children, go on to have your own children, and then draw a line and opt out when their kids aren't "behaving"? They're not a car you never drive that needs servicing. Baffling. They're absolutely and completely aware of how you feel about them. All of the time. Which might help you work out why he's not "behaving" for you.

This ⬆️

Catfordthefifth · 04/08/2022 20:47

ThePumpkinPatch · 04/08/2022 20:38

Bloody hell OP YABVVVVVVVVVVVVVU you left a CHILD home alone! You should be arrested for that.

My DD's late father left her home alone when I was in hospital and he was arrested and charged with neglect of a child

Really?

Presumably anyone who lets their kids walk home from school or play out should be arrested then?

I assume your late ex didn't do what op did? Because this isn't an arrestable offence.

FurAndFeathers · 04/08/2022 20:56

ThePumpkinPatch · 04/08/2022 20:38

Bloody hell OP YABVVVVVVVVVVVVVU you left a CHILD home alone! You should be arrested for that.

My DD's late father left her home alone when I was in hospital and he was arrested and charged with neglect of a child

Arrested for leaving a 9 year old safely at home for 30 minutes?😂

yeah that’s a totally proportionate suggestion!

pitchforksandflamethrowers · 04/08/2022 21:12

ThePumpkinPatch · 04/08/2022 20:38

Bloody hell OP YABVVVVVVVVVVVVVU you left a CHILD home alone! You should be arrested for that.

My DD's late father left her home alone when I was in hospital and he was arrested and charged with neglect of a child

I'm assuming that then dad would be arrested as he okayed it all 🤔

Righty ho...

AcrossthePond55 · 04/08/2022 21:50

pitchforksandflamethrowers · 04/08/2022 19:41

@AcrossthePond55 good thing she called dad and got the ok to leave him there so she didn't go blank on anyone.

Surprising that even with this knowledge people act as if op had just poof vanished without speaking to her DH. One of the parents gave the ok to that.

So how is op still at fault ?

"So how is op still at fault ?"

I'm not quite sure what you mean, maybe I wasn't clear. Nowhere did I indicate I thought it that the OP was 'at fault'. IMHO she did the right thing. The child wouldn't listen to her, so she called his actual parent, told him she was leaving, he agreed and came home to handle things.

itwasntmetho · 04/08/2022 21:51

ThePumpkinPatch · 04/08/2022 20:38

Bloody hell OP YABVVVVVVVVVVVVVU you left a CHILD home alone! You should be arrested for that.

My DD's late father left her home alone when I was in hospital and he was arrested and charged with neglect of a child

That isn't illegal. That's a really bazaar idea.

pitchforksandflamethrowers · 04/08/2022 22:05

@AcrossthePond55 I completely misread your post. 100% my fault ! Sorry lovely !

Cameleongirl · 04/08/2022 22:07

ThePumpkinPatch · 04/08/2022 20:38

Bloody hell OP YABVVVVVVVVVVVVVU you left a CHILD home alone! You should be arrested for that.

My DD's late father left her home alone when I was in hospital and he was arrested and charged with neglect of a child

Surely your DD was either v. young, e.g., a toddler and therefore at risk, or he left her for hours? Not a 9-year-old for 40 mins?

Original poster
Work1 · 04/08/2022 22:18

You should be arrested for that

Oh for goodness sake get a grip.

OP posts:
Sarbears28 · 04/08/2022 22:49

Becky6758 · 04/08/2022 18:31

No. A step parents is not the same as a parent and you are not a parent to them. There’s a huge difference between your own children and a step child. You do not have to treat them the same. ridiculous thing to say.

Show quote history

Actually yes, it's in the title 'parent'. When you are with someone who has children to someone else you treat them as you would your own children. I do with mine. I feel no difference for all my children, ones I birthed and ones I didn't. I've been in their lives since they were 8months and 2yrs. But I suppose that's the difference with you, OP and I, I see a child to love and care for you both see the child that is your OH's and that's the problem, children see that, they see they are not equal to your 'own birthed' child and act out.

aSofaNearYou · 04/08/2022 23:00

Actually yes, it's in the title 'parent'.

"mother" is in the title "mother in law" but they don't become your mother.

Expecting people to see no difference between their own children and children of their spouse as you do, especially if they haven't raised them since birth, is crazy.

ThePumpkinPatch · 04/08/2022 23:16

Work1 · 04/08/2022 22:18

You should be arrested for that

Oh for goodness sake get a grip.

My daughter's late father (WAS arrested & charged) for exactly that!

ThePumpkinPatch · 04/08/2022 23:17

@itwasntmetho He was charged!

ThePumpkinPatch · 04/08/2022 23:19

@Catfordthefifth She was left for 2 hours. He was charged with Neglect of a child. No idea why I'm being doubted as I'm quite happy to upload redacted proof clearly stating the charge

Becky6758 · 04/08/2022 23:20

Sarbears28 · 04/08/2022 22:49

Actually yes, it's in the title 'parent'. When you are with someone who has children to someone else you treat them as you would your own children. I do with mine. I feel no difference for all my children, ones I birthed and ones I didn't. I've been in their lives since they were 8months and 2yrs. But I suppose that's the difference with you, OP and I, I see a child to love and care for you both see the child that is your OH's and that's the problem, children see that, they see they are not equal to your 'own birthed' child and act out.

Show quote history

Good for you… but many many step mums do not feel like that. it doesn’t matter that ‘parent’ is in the title.

It is not a problem at all to feel different and have a different set up to you.

My step daughter has a mother to treat her as her own and in fact my step daughter doesn’t ‘act out’ at all. She’s a good kid but that doesn’t mean I will treat her as my own in every aspect and there is nothing wrong with that.

She is not my child. She has a mother, I am not that so will Not treat her as so.

ThePumpkinPatch · 04/08/2022 23:24

The charge is listed as "...was charged with "Assault / ill-treat/
neglect / abandon a child / young person to cause unnecessary suffering / injury*, on
(Removed date) with regards to neglect of his daughter....."

Becky6758 · 04/08/2022 23:26

SpidersAreShitheads · 04/08/2022 18:34

Genuinely horrified at the attitude of OP. It absolutely stinks.

No problem at all saying “never again”. Also no problem saying to DH “you come and sort this out right now”.

But choosing to leave a 9yr old at home because you’d be late for work?? Knowing that’s against the mother’s wishes, and the child has never been left alone for that length of time before??????

Actually lost for words that anyone thinks this is ok.

You tell DH you’ll never do it again so you won’t have that issue with work in the future. It’s a one-time only occurrence. What you don’t do is put a child at risk because you’ve got yourself in a temper tantrum.

When you agreed to drop him at the holiday club, you agreed to act as a “babysitter” - I’m using this term because you clearly don’t see yourself as an actual stepmum.

Imagine if you went to pick up your child from after school club and all the adults had left the building and the child was left alone. There would be outrage and it would be a safeguarding issue. This is no different. As the Op confirmed, we aren’t talking about a 9yr old who’s regularly left at home for 30minutes +.

I understand being furious with the situation and refusing to do it ever again but saying “fuck it” and putting a child at risk - your own stepchild - is thoroughly nasty.

And bollocks do you have a good relationship with the child. You’re sneery about them in every comment - poor kid. They deserve much better and you’re patently unsuitable to be a step parent.

Why should the OP care what the mum thinks or wishes? She doesn’t answer to her. She called her DH and he didn’t object to her leaving.

Stop being so melodramatic. The child wasn’t at risk, he was left in bed in his own home.

Next time he might think twice about misbehaving.

ThePumpkinPatch · 04/08/2022 23:30

@Becky6758 It's neglect and endangerment of a child.

CharlieAndTooManyCharacters · 04/08/2022 23:36

ThePumpkinPatch · 04/08/2022 23:30

@Becky6758 It's neglect and endangerment of a child.

Not necessarily.

without any aggravating factors - a young child, a child with a disability that means they weren’t safe, a child being left all day long, a child being left in an unsuitable place, and so on - then it is not illegal or neglectful to leave a 9 year old at home for c. 30-40 minutes.

Clearly your ex let your child down in a significant way. But that doesn’t generalise you any adult leaving a 9 year old on their own in all circumstances.

ThePumpkinPatch · 04/08/2022 23:38

@CharlieAndTooManyCharacters No you're wrong! He left her alone for two hours. Nothing else.