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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Left DSC home alone

775 replies

Work1 · 04/08/2022 10:24

This happened yesterday but I'm still fuming about it to be honest.

I was due in work at 9am, husband starts at 7am so I've been dropping DSC at their holiday club on my way to work a few times when they've been at ours and we've had to go into work. They don't particularly like going but it is what it is.

Anyway yesterday morning DSC (9) was in a foul mood, refusing to get up, point blank refusing to go to club, saying 'make me', saying they were too tired and so on...

Anyway, it got to the point where I was going to be seriously late for work and I had to drop our child off too so I just fucked off and left. I rang DH and told him he'd need to come home from work and deal with it and I left and went to work.

DSC rang his mum and she's furious he was left alone but I am passed caring. They will now need to sort holiday clubs out or time off themselves as I won't be helping with it again (she's dropped them off with me beforehand too to take them to clubs as she starts work earlier than me). No way was I being late for work because of a 9 year olds tantrum and I wasn't dragging him out to the car either. Instead of being furious with me how about being cross with your child for being so naughty?!

OP posts:
Sarbears28 · 04/08/2022 16:51

Work1 · 04/08/2022 12:02

I'm sure the people saying 'it wasn't my decision to make' would be saying the same I'd I'd physically forced him to the car too.

Seems like the only reasonable thing to do would have been to sit quietly and be late for my own job. Fuck that.

This is exactly what you should have done, a step child should be the same as a biological child. There is no difference between them in terms of what you would/should do for them. You are a parent to them. I'm with your dh in this. The child is 9. Their emotions are all over! If you couldn't deal with him you should have waited until someone who could turned up, not just left.....speaks alot about your character.

CallOnMe · 04/08/2022 16:52

Mum or dad are going to have to get a job that starts later.

What would they do if you weren’t around?

I don’t think you should have left the child alone but I think it’s ridiculous to have a job that starts at 7am as a parent, when most school clubs or childcare starts at 7 or later.

CallOnMe · 04/08/2022 16:54

I'm very hopeful be will have learned how things work by the grand old age of 9 and a bit shocked that expectations are so low for so many 9 year olds, apparently.

😂😂
Please come back in a few years time and tell us how you get on.

cansu · 04/08/2022 16:56

I think I would on this occasion phoned either the mum or dad and asked them to speak to their child. They could then have decided to come over or they would have got the child into the car. I don't think you should have left them alone regardless how annoying and inconvenient it was because you were responsible for them at that moment.

lollolll · 04/08/2022 16:58

You also sound fairly peripheral adult to the family unit. Its not about the parents but your DH...you say you have a kid then ask him why he hasn't raised his own kid better. You do sound a bit like a petulant teenager. You agreed to look after the kid, no one forced you so you're responsible. You got an issue with that take it up with the adult i.e. your partner.

Galvanisethis · 04/08/2022 17:02

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

I bet you were an annoying little shite, like we all were at that age.

Mollyplop999 · 04/08/2022 17:04

I would have done exactly the same in your position. I'm appalled at how judgemental some people are on here. As you've said what are you meant to do, physically dress him and drag him into the car?? I can just see how that would end.

Galvanisethis · 04/08/2022 17:05

cansu · 04/08/2022 16:56

I think I would on this occasion phoned either the mum or dad and asked them to speak to their child. They could then have decided to come over or they would have got the child into the car. I don't think you should have left them alone regardless how annoying and inconvenient it was because you were responsible for them at that moment.

This is the approach I would have taken. I also wouldn't enter into being a step parent without accepting that the children might cause me issues at times, that's children and being responsible for them doesn't just stop when they're 'naughty'. I certainly wouldn't leave a 9 year old alone, one that's clearly upset, no matter how annoying they were being.

KosherDill · 04/08/2022 17:07

Totally on your side here, OP, and I would've done the same.

Clearly he doesn't respect you and it would be a very cold day in hell before I'd help his mother with anything -- especially if he calls her to "report" on me.

People saying you should have dragged him are being ridiculous. I'm a petite woman and there is no way I could get a nine-year-old out of bed and to a car by force. Nor would I wish to try.

Getting to work on time is important and you need to preserve any 'grace' from the employer for when your own child's needs cause you to be late or absent. Right now his mother is getting a totally free ride in that regard. It's time she take responsibility for his morning logistics, whatever that means for her own employment situation.

As to his safety, FFS. He's nine, not two. I was babysitting infants at age 10. He can manage alone in the house for a few hours.

Stand firm. He and his parents all owe you a big apology.

Ontomatopea · 04/08/2022 17:07

Galvanisethis · 04/08/2022 17:05

This is the approach I would have taken. I also wouldn't enter into being a step parent without accepting that the children might cause me issues at times, that's children and being responsible for them doesn't just stop when they're 'naughty'. I certainly wouldn't leave a 9 year old alone, one that's clearly upset, no matter how annoying they were being.

Show quote history

I'm a step parent. I accept they cause me problems sometimes but I don't accept they are my problems to deal with. They have 2 parents.

Nanny0gg · 04/08/2022 17:07

Skodacool · 04/08/2022 16:05

OP rang DSC’s father. His child, it’s up to him to take responsibility.

Show quote history

He still needed time to get back though

GelatoQueen · 04/08/2022 17:08

I think you are bang out of order OP leaving a 9 year old alone for that length of time. 5-10 mins at a push maybe. As other posters have said there were much better ways of dealing with the situation. You showed really poor judgement.

PattyMelt · 04/08/2022 17:08

I think you did fine. His Dad was on his way home and you left for work.
The only way I'd drop him ever again is if he is up dressed and ready to go by the front door when Dh leaves for work. If not your Dh can stay with him until he is ready.

Ontomatopea · 04/08/2022 17:08

Work1 · 04/08/2022 13:33

Imagine any other childcare provider doing this

Then pay a professional childcare provider. I'm not a paid babysitter thank you.

I'd consider starting charging. DH buys me something nice when ive babysat his kids

LumpyandBumps · 04/08/2022 17:14

KosherDill · 04/08/2022 17:07

Totally on your side here, OP, and I would've done the same.

Clearly he doesn't respect you and it would be a very cold day in hell before I'd help his mother with anything -- especially if he calls her to "report" on me.

People saying you should have dragged him are being ridiculous. I'm a petite woman and there is no way I could get a nine-year-old out of bed and to a car by force. Nor would I wish to try.

Getting to work on time is important and you need to preserve any 'grace' from the employer for when your own child's needs cause you to be late or absent. Right now his mother is getting a totally free ride in that regard. It's time she take responsibility for his morning logistics, whatever that means for her own employment situation.

As to his safety, FFS. He's nine, not two. I was babysitting infants at age 10. He can manage alone in the house for a few hours.

Stand firm. He and his parents all owe you a big apology.

You have said everything I didn’t have the patience to write. 🙂

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 04/08/2022 17:24

Ss may phone and 'investigate' then say don't do it again but they'd do fuck all if you ignored them. People do far worse than leave a 9 year old in bed for 30ish mins and nothing happens

pitchforksandflamethrowers · 04/08/2022 17:27

I bet you were an annoying little shite, like we all were at that age.

Speak for your self. Not every child is brought up to be disrespectful to adults. Blended family or not and I was a SC.

Atomicspider · 04/08/2022 17:37

9!? that’s terrible of you. I’d be horrified if this was my child.

Iloveacurry · 04/08/2022 17:41

I really don’t blame the op for leaving him. He wasn’t going to come to any harm in bed. He was being a pain in the arse. And there’s only so much a SM can do. But it’s funny how he magically managed to wake up and phone his mum when the op left him, when all he really wanted to do was stay in bed! Definitely don’t be helping three mum out again op.

Icecreambythesea · 04/08/2022 17:42

I'm completely on your side here OP. It's not like you could have hauled him out of bed and into the car. I'm sure his mother would have had something to say about that! It's up to his parents to deal with this behaviour, not you. Why should you risk getting is disciplinary at work because of his poor attitude.

Pumpcake · 04/08/2022 17:45

aSofaNearYou · 04/08/2022 15:47

@Pumpcake Bloody hell. Nobody's pestering you, YOU keep making comments about other people clearly not caring about OP, people are defending themselves against you. How odd.

You have kept addressing me and tagging me, I've only replied to yours and others bombardment. My post was not to anyone but the OP and defend against what?? I haven't said anything wrong or attacked anyone. I did mention that pp doesn't understand how time works but in my defence she can't seem to understand the difference between last minute and earlier. Every single person I've replied to has tried to nitpick I'm not here starting on anyone.

If you understood my point and can't actually find anything wrong with my suggestion maybe just leave me alone and stop trying to police every post that isn't unconditionally positive.

ElevenSmiles · 04/08/2022 17:47

Who was OP helping out ?....The Dad

frazzledasarock · 04/08/2022 17:55

Dependant leave is unpaid. So really depends on your employer. OP could have lost out on pay on that as well.

frazzledasarock · 04/08/2022 18:03

Also there’s a lot of crap about treating your DSC as you would your own children.

my own children I’d bodily haul them out of bed shove them in the car in pjs and march them to the summer camp.
my own kids actually would not dare tell me I couldn’t ‘make them’.

you cannot do the above to somebody else’s kid. You just can’t. And nobody here would if your honest.

BloodAndFire · 04/08/2022 18:16

Ontomatopea · 04/08/2022 17:07

I'm a step parent. I accept they cause me problems sometimes but I don't accept they are my problems to deal with. They have 2 parents.

Show quote history

If you found yourself in charge of a random 9 year old child, or indeed a vulnerable adult, who needed your help (e.g. lost in a shopping centre) you wouldn't be their parent either. But as an adult, you would (hopefully) not just wash your hands of it and walk away.

It's not a step parenting issue, it's a decent human being issue. My son is 8, he's pretty streetwise and mature and would probably be fine left on his own at home. But I don't leave him alone, and would be unbelievably angry and upset if someone else, whose care he was in, chose to do so.

Leave the relationship if you want. Refuse to ever do anything for your step child again if you want. But leaving a 9 year old child alone like this is not ok.