Left DSC home alone

[Work1]

This happened yesterday but I'm still fuming about it to be honest.

I was due in work at 9am, husband starts at 7am so I've been dropping DSC at their holiday club on my way to work a few times when they've been at ours and we've had to go into work. They don't particularly like going but it is what it is.

Anyway yesterday morning DSC (9) was in a foul mood, refusing to get up, point blank refusing to go to club, saying 'make me', saying they were too tired and so on...

Anyway, it got to the point where I was going to be seriously late for work and I had to drop our child off too so I just fucked off and left. I rang DH and told him he'd need to come home from work and deal with it and I left and went to work.

DSC rang his mum and she's furious he was left alone but I am passed caring. They will now need to sort holiday clubs out or time off themselves as I won't be helping with it again (she's dropped them off with me beforehand too to take them to clubs as she starts work earlier than me). No way was I being late for work because of a 9 year olds tantrum and I wasn't dragging him out to the car either. Instead of being furious with me how about being cross with your child for being so naughty?!

Bet you wouldn’t left them at home on their own if they were your own flesh and blood 🙄

I know how time works.
The op called when she had time. Simple really.
dad didn’t have a issue with it either when she called.

Dsc's DD will just have to start work later when Dsc is staying.

If that doesn't suit, too bad.

How about reading my posts? I've already answered this.

@Cheesecakeandwineinasuitcase that is the crux of the matter isn't it
But it seems its ok if its someone elses
Op and her dh made the decision it seems but people think the mum has no right to be cross , but if she doesn't leave him she has every right
And should be having a discussion with her ex

@Pumpcake I'm not trying to say Op should have to deal with more, you are really trying to twist people's words by repeatedly saying that. I'm saying that in the situation she was actually IN, where he had only got up half an hour before needing to leave, there was never any chance she could have called her DH with enough time for him to come home before she'd had to leave the child alone.

Yes she could have called earlier, but she probably made the judgment call that he would have eventually done what he was told rather than ring at the first sign of defiance, as many would. Having already made that decision and it not paying off, I don't think she was wrong to leave him. It's easy to say in hindsight that she should have called straight away, she obviously didn't know he was going to dig his heels in.

9 year olds are far too old for tantrums! And why should OP have to put up with it if he is going to make a fuss every time, let his parents deal with it.

I think as you've said you rang his dad to say what was happening and he said he was happy for you to leave him then that's his choice as a parent and YANBU. If it was simply on your own back then I agree with other that it's not ok, as an adult looking after a child no matter how badly behaved they are you can't just put them in an unsafe situation. I'd probably have had to be late for work and then drawn a line in the sand to never do it again.

It is someone else’s child though.
As a step mother it’s not your child.

All these posters giving the stick to @Work1 for no reason what so ever.
She did BOTH parents a favour and helped with a childcare. HELPED. Unpaid! And all them "If ThAt WaS mY ChiLd..." or "If ThAt WaS ChildMindEr!" She is isnt looking after your kids and isnt childminder either!!!!

When I was a child I was often left in charge of my little half-brother (9 years younger). Not exactly my choice, but whatever - I had to look after him. When he was 3ish he went through a biting phase. I suppose I would have been able to just head out to town without him once he bit me, because I was helping, for free, with childcare, not actually my child, not actually a childminder.

It doesn't matter who you are or on what basis - you agree to look after a child, you look after the bloody child until you've handed them over to an alternative caregiver. You can't just sack it off when it gets inconvenient. Well apparently you can, as long as it's "not your child, nothing to do with you!" and you're not getting paid.

@Pumpcake some children are able to be left alone at 9 for about an hour in the day, and others aren't.

The NSPCC guidelines are just that guidelines. They aren't law.

I have family and friends who have to do a lot of child protection work. They have left some of their children at 9 on their own for about an hour in the day. Other children who are their siblings could not be left alone at that age.

She had time to argue with him for 20 mins but not time to call dad, sure. It really is just for the sake of arguing isn't it. And I'm not sure that you do understand because when you first replied to me you seemed to think I was complaining that she hadn't called at all.

The phone call takes the same amount of time whether you do it at 8am or 8.20am. However, if it's done as soon as the child refuses you get to miss all the drama. You prefer the OP ask the child multiple times, have the child reply no and make me for 20mins before a phone call. Really supportive.

@worriedatthistime I'm a SW, I wouldn't be concerned about the child being left for 30 minutes in this scenario. If I was involved in the family for other reasons I would be more concerned about the childs behaviour and the dynamics of calling mum to complain and then mum shouting about it. However, none of what thr OP has said would result in opening up the child to our system.

Maybe not, but the response might not have been much kinder. My own child would have been dumped at camp in their PJs if they tried this. A 9yo should be well aware that adults have commitments and have to get to work on time.

@Imthedamnfoolwhoshothim
You’re confusing a 9 year old child with a fully functioning adult.
A child who most probably did not seriously believe the OP would walk out on him or fully consider the consequences of his behaviour.
Because he’s only 9…and has probably had adult supervision every day of his life up until then.

Doesn't matter to me what other people do or don't do with nspcc guidelines. OP is upset, OP has had mum moan about child being left unattended. OP could have not had that happen. There was a simple drama free solution and 4 of you don't want to hear it for some reason. Makes me think these defenders don't actually give a shit about the OP.

It’s a bit different to say you are popping to the shops will u be ok till I get back. Leaving them snacks and with something to do. Having a morning of get out of bed, no make me and that person walking out is a different situation completely. He may not have been upset as op said but im pretty sure he wasn’t lying there not giving a shite about it all.
Would I leave a 9 year old to pop to the shops no. This was in response to others who deemed it ok. When I was at school a friends mum ‘popped out’ and was knocked down and died. As an adult I always think how terrified that girl must have been as time ticked on and mum didn’t return.

You took it out on the child instead of the parents - that’s where you went wrong

@MaybeIWillFuckOffThen you should not have been put in that position. That was shitty of the adults in charge.
There is a huge difference between a 3 year old and a 9year old though. I don't think there's one single poster who would defend OP leaving a child as young as that.
Also, OP didn't go off on a jolly, she took her own child to nurse and went to work.
Paid childcare are literally already at their job. Being paid. Not having other shit to do.

Completly different dynamics when it’s a SC, With my own child I’d have literally dragged them to the car and dropped them off at holiday club in their PJs if I had to, however if she had done this there would be cries of abuse.

I’m going to guess that also falls into the category of things you don’t really know about but are absolutely certain you should tell everyone about.

Schools adopt a range of different policies. Some say not in primary school. Or not until
Y6. But there are a lot of schools that let parents decide for children in Y5 (the relevant year group for the SS in the OP) and even several that stipulate Y4 as the point at which it’s considered fine so long as the parents are confident the child can do the walk on their own.

So my point is that lots of professionals with considerable experience of 9 year olds do not agree with NSPCC’s ‘not in primary school’ guidance. Because there is no legal age limit that applies.

No I am not.
I have an 8 year old so quite well versed on the developmental stage.

He's being manipulative.
I have no doubt a grown up introducing him to consequences did come as a shock to him.
If he had any sense the moment he heard her leave he would've flown into action and begged for forgiveness. He didn't though did he?
He called his mum to snitch.

I really hope that kid was put in his rightful place in the pecking order because I would not be holding back next time

@Work1

I think you mean 'USED to take him & she USED to drop him off.

so DH made him go to club, did he give him a bollocking or just bribe/cajole him into going?

How has DH been with you? Are you 'in trouble' with him or just his Ex?

what is DH proposing SS does by way of apology for being such a brat??

I get he doesn't want to go to the club, but frankly 'tough shit'. His parents & you have to WORK to provide for him, it's not like you're all off on holiday without him.

I HATED some of my childcare arrangements I had as a child. I wanted to stay home alone, but wasn't allowed. I remember asking & asking to stay home alone, I imagine I wasn't always terribly sunny & charming about it! 🤣But FMD if I'd acted like that with my parents, let alone another adult, I wouldn't have liked the consequences!! It just wouldn't have happened, no way would I have been that rude to an adult.

Many kids think they rule the roost these days & many of them aren't wrong. It's madness.

'make me'. Little shit!! I'd have asked him if he was getting dressed or being taken in his PJ's and yes, I'd have 'made him'. Fireman's lift into the car, doors locked. Off we go. I'm only short & not terribly strong, but defiant 9 year olds, bring out the hulk strength.

Depending on the child, leaving a 9 year old for 30/40 minutes is fine.

if I was your DH, he'd also be in a pile of trouble for whinging to Mummy, that he was 'left alone' like he had no part to play in that.

little brat.

stay strong. Do not pick up their parenting slack, especially on HER TIME!!

@MaybeIWillFuckOffThen there's a difference between saying I will take this child to childcare to help and man handling a child out of bed. Child didn't want to go, parents time to step up. As parents

So contact the parents and let them step up. THEN you can step down. You don't just walk off the job.