Page 13 | Left DSC home alone

Work1 · 2022-08-04T09:24:19+00:00

This happened yesterday but I'm still fuming about it to be honest. I was due in work at 9am, husband starts at 7am so I've been dropping DSC at their holiday club on my way to work a few times when they've been at ours and we've had to go into work. They don't particularly like going but it is what it is. Anyway yesterday morning DSC (9) was in a foul mood, refusing to get up, point blank refusing to go to club, saying 'make me', saying they were too tired and so on... Anyway, it got to the point where I was going to be seriously late for work and I had to drop our child off too so I just fucked off and left. I rang DH and told him he'd need to come home from work and deal with it and I left and went to work. DSC rang his mum and she's furious he was left alone but I am passed caring. They will now need to sort holiday clubs out or time off themselves as I won't be helping with it again (she's dropped them off with me beforehand too to take them to clubs as she starts work earlier than me). No way was I being late for work because of a 9 year olds tantrum and I wasn't dragging him out to the car either. Instead of being furious with me how about being cross with your child for being so naughty?!

TwoStepsAhead34 · 04/08/2022 13:49

All these posters giving the stick to @Work1 for no reason what so ever.
She did BOTH parents a favour and helped with a childcare. HELPED. Unpaid! And all them "If ThAt WaS mY ChiLd..." or "If ThAt WaS ChildMindEr!" She is isnt looking after your kids and isnt childminder either!!!! So these comments are as useful as chocolate teapot. The child acted like spoilt brat and OP did in my eyes fuck all wrong! She refused to take shit from a 9yo and get the bollocking at work because of a 9yo. I'd done exactly the same and I would give zero fucks too. Let the actual parents deal with this shitshow. @Work1 Sort your own kid(s), get to work on time and be the bitch you are (which you will be anyway, might as fell keep the flag up). I'm 100% in your corner.

worriedatthistime · 04/08/2022 13:50

@aSofaNearYou and is the nspcc guidelines just silly as that uses the term most as well

Original poster

Work1 · 04/08/2022 13:50

worriedatthistime · 04/08/2022 13:49

@pitchforksandflamethrowers how is mum relying on OP its dad that is , he is on dads contact time

As I said in my OP, I also take him on mum's time too and she drops him off with me before she goes to work.

OP posts:

womaninatightspot · 04/08/2022 13:50

My 9 yo would be fine left alone for 30-40 minutes. Tbh in that scenario I’d be annoyed with DS and I’m his mum. It is frustrating when they won’t get up as a parent I use a mixture of threats and bribery followed by duvet removal and shouting that’s probably not available to you.

I’d stand your ground if they can’t behave the parents should sort him out. I don’t think the childminder/ babysitter analogy is fair at all.

Lolliepoppie · 04/08/2022 13:51

I have a nine-year-old. If someone who had agreed to look after him just upped and left him alone, I would be deeply unhappy.
Mine would be frightened being unexpectedly left alone for 40 minutes: it was unnecessarily cruel.

Sounds like the OP is taking out her frustration with being used for childcare on the child.

CharlieAndTooManyCharacters · 04/08/2022 13:51

iRun2eatCake · 04/08/2022 13:47

YANBU. Let the parents deal with him in future.

Not sure what the big issue is with him being alone for 40mins... my DC walked home alone from school that age

Apparently you should have been expecting a visit from social services. Because the NSPCC guidance says that primary school age children shouldn’t walk to and from school on their own. The fact that many schools are clear that most 9 year olds are ok to walk home alone is irrelevant. It says so on the NSPCC website. And that’s all that matters.

worriedatthistime · 04/08/2022 13:51

@aSofaNearYou so you would try after maybe 10 mins then wouldn't if been left for long or dad could of spoken to him then and said get up and in the car now

RedWingBoots · 04/08/2022 13:51

IWentAwayIStayedAway · 04/08/2022 13:20

in my opinion you've done nothing wrong. if that had been my 9 year old they would be in trouble with me for that behaviour. you were doing both parents a big favour so they could get to work

And that's the stance my own mother took with my SM.

My DP takes the same stance with me and SC.

worriedatthistime · 04/08/2022 13:52

@CharlieAndTooManyCharacters many schools around here don't allow 9 year olds to leave alone so your point is ?

aSofaNearYou · 04/08/2022 13:52

worriedatthistime · 04/08/2022 13:50

@aSofaNearYou and is the nspcc guidelines just silly as that uses the term most as well

JC you're like a broken record on this thread. Yes, we get it, the NSPCC don't recommend it. Any official body like that will recommend the absolute safest course of action, it's up to you if this is deadly serious to you but it still doesn't mean all 9 year old's would be terrified by half an hour in their own house, which is what I was commenting on.

Imthedamnfoolwhoshothim · 04/08/2022 13:52

MaybeIWillFuckOffThen · 04/08/2022 13:42

Parallel parenting is a very constructive and recognised form of child rearing when the relationship between parents vreaks down.

It may be the best way to deal with a bad situation. But responsible adults (in the absence of abusive behaviour) shouldn't allow the relationship to 'break down'. They should do the painful work of reaching an agreement about what is acceptable parenting. Because that's what adults with their child's best interests at heart do.

Yes it would be ideal for the mother to recognise her wrong doing in this situation and appropriately discipline her manipulative child and issue the OP with an apology. However as people often do not act as they should I would strongly encourage firm boundaries and ensure the mother is aware that she has no say in OPs home

I6344 · 04/08/2022 13:52

user1473878824 · 04/08/2022 13:37

“Someone else’s child” is also YOUR step child. I’m horrified by this and I am a step parent. It can be massively shit and difficult and thankless but YOU are the adult who chose to have this child in your life. Christ.

But technically it is someone else's child and I am also a step parent. If DH and I broke up tomorrow, I'd never see DSD again because she's not my child...

worriedatthistime · 04/08/2022 13:53

@CharlieAndTooManyCharacters and actually the nspcc doesn't say that about walking to school

MaybeIWillFuckOffThen · 04/08/2022 13:53

@aSofaNearYou

Lying down and taking "getting it in the neck" from the SC and/or their parents is of no interest to many step parents, we're not auditioning to be carers of "traumatised" (broad assumption) children, we're simply in a relationship with their parent while they crack on with raising them.

And this is why there are so many shit stepparents and so many dysfunctional stepchildren. Because all the adults only care about themselves and their wants, with nary a thought for the poor kids dragged along in their wake who get NO choice as to who they are forced to share their parents and homes with, who get dragged from pillar to post, who get half-siblings who get to be with their parent 100% of the time when they only get to be with them 20% of the time, etc etc. "Oh kids are so adaptable," said no therapist ever who has to deal with the psychological fallout of this sort of shitshow decades down the line.

pitchforksandflamethrowers · 04/08/2022 13:54

@worriedatthistime she's dropped them off with me beforehand too to take them to clubs as she starts work earlier than me

From the op. The first one. But again biting there hand that feeds you.

If paid for childcare can be withdrawn, so can op. Totally guilt free.

@MaybeIWillFuckOffThen there's a difference between saying I will take this child to childcare to help and man handling a child out of bed. Child didn't want to go, parents time to step up. As parents

Becky6758 · 04/08/2022 13:54

Pumpcake · 04/08/2022 13:36

That's not an excuse obviously, it takes the same amount of time to tell the dad you're leaving. If you do it at the right time, it's fine, if you leave it until the last minute it's not fine. Instead of wasting time arguing with the child for longer just phone the dad and attend to your other children, leave difficult child in bed for dad to deal with.

Why are you defending OP's choice to spend more of her precious time on this shit show. Can you really not see how none of this would have happened if the phone call had been 45 mins earlier?

Does every shitty choice made by a step mum have to be defended just because stepmum vs first wives? Or can we not just say a simple practical solution would have been to quit at a more appropriate time? Stepmum doesn't have to deal with difficult kid, stepmum gives her own kids more attention, dad can deal with situation more quickly, mum isn't upset her child has been left alone, step kid isn't manhandled, stepmum isn't late for work, stepmum isn't stressed by a 45 minute battle and arrives at work in a better frame of mind, step kids mum isn't having a go.

Why do you want all those bad things to happen becky? Why don't you want stepmums to have an easier life? Do you just enjoy getting angry over nothing?

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I’m defending the OP beacuse I don’t think she’s done anything wrong.

And I have No idea what your last paragraph is talking about. I’m not angry. Going off a bit on one there ain’t you I see.

Imthedamnfoolwhoshothim · 04/08/2022 13:55

Lolliepoppie · 04/08/2022 13:51

I have a nine-year-old. If someone who had agreed to look after him just upped and left him alone, I would be deeply unhappy.
Mine would be frightened being unexpectedly left alone for 40 minutes: it was unnecessarily cruel.

Sounds like the OP is taking out her frustration with being used for childcare on the child.

If a kid is afraid of being alone they would hopefully have the intelligence and disciple to leave when instructed. If this was your child making the same decisions I would hope you would swiftly correct the behavior.

OP didn't up and leave. She went to work.

Pumpcake · 04/08/2022 13:55

aSofaNearYou · 04/08/2022 13:49

@Pumpcake OP said he gets up half an hour before they need to leave. So given his dad was half an hour away, there was no way of contacting him before needing to leave him alone. And obviously you would try for at least a few minutes before giving up.

Yes, because the child chooses to. Ffs, the OP should tell the child at the right time for her to get up and get ready, when child says no, OP calls dad.

Why is all this drama being defended? He's a 9 year old boy he doesn't get to choose his get up time when he's being ferried to clubs by a step parent. It's either get up and ready now or call dad and he deals with it. Why do you want OP to put up with more of this stuff? It's not her job, her only commitment is wake up child and drop child off. It's up to her what times these things need to happen, not up to a 9yo boy. If his parents want him to sleep in then they will have to be the ones to drop him off then won't they.

This shouldn't be hard for any of you to understand.

WiddlinDiddlin · 04/08/2022 13:55

YANBU..

His parents deemed you sufficiently responsible to make decisions on the care of DSC.

You made the decision to inform his parent he would be alone until they returned to him, and to go to work.

If they do not want you to make such decisions in their absence then the solution is not to leave him with you in their absence.

I am sure if you thought he would burn down the house, be incapable of calling for help etc etc, you'd have done something else.

worriedatthistime · 04/08/2022 13:55

@I6344 my neighbours child is not my child but if I am looking after them they are my responsibility
My dh is a coach for a sports team none of them are his kids but they are his responsibility up to 18 even as just an unpaid volunteer when under his watch

aSofaNearYou · 04/08/2022 13:55

MaybeIWillFuckOffThen · 04/08/2022 13:53

@aSofaNearYou

Lying down and taking "getting it in the neck" from the SC and/or their parents is of no interest to many step parents, we're not auditioning to be carers of "traumatised" (broad assumption) children, we're simply in a relationship with their parent while they crack on with raising them.

And this is why there are so many shit stepparents and so many dysfunctional stepchildren. Because all the adults only care about themselves and their wants, with nary a thought for the poor kids dragged along in their wake who get NO choice as to who they are forced to share their parents and homes with, who get dragged from pillar to post, who get half-siblings who get to be with their parent 100% of the time when they only get to be with them 20% of the time, etc etc. "Oh kids are so adaptable," said no therapist ever who has to deal with the psychological fallout of this sort of shitshow decades down the line.

If you think so 🤷‍♀️

It's down to DSS's parents to prioritise whether they think having a step parent in their life is detrimental to them.

Original poster

Work1 · 04/08/2022 13:56

To the PP that asked, yes DH knew I was leaving when I rang him and did not object to me doing so. Not that it would have made a difference.

OP posts:

Becky6758 · 04/08/2022 13:56

It’s still someone else’s child. I’m a step mum and no matter what she’s not my child.
Shes

Pumpcake · 04/08/2022 13:56

Becky6758 · 04/08/2022 13:54

I’m defending the OP beacuse I don’t think she’s done anything wrong.

And I have No idea what your last paragraph is talking about. I’m not angry. Going off a bit on one there ain’t you I see.

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Because I'm talking to someone that doesn't understand how time works on a thread about getting out of the house on time.

Lilgamesh2 · 04/08/2022 13:56

YANBU. Sometimes you just gotta play hardball.

I hope his dad read him the riot act?