Page 10 | Left DSC home alone

Work1 · 2022-08-04T09:24:19+00:00

This happened yesterday but I'm still fuming about it to be honest. I was due in work at 9am, husband starts at 7am so I've been dropping DSC at their holiday club on my way to work a few times when they've been at ours and we've had to go into work. They don't particularly like going but it is what it is. Anyway yesterday morning DSC (9) was in a foul mood, refusing to get up, point blank refusing to go to club, saying 'make me', saying they were too tired and so on... Anyway, it got to the point where I was going to be seriously late for work and I had to drop our child off too so I just fucked off and left. I rang DH and told him he'd need to come home from work and deal with it and I left and went to work. DSC rang his mum and she's furious he was left alone but I am passed caring. They will now need to sort holiday clubs out or time off themselves as I won't be helping with it again (she's dropped them off with me beforehand too to take them to clubs as she starts work earlier than me). No way was I being late for work because of a 9 year olds tantrum and I wasn't dragging him out to the car either. Instead of being furious with me how about being cross with your child for being so naughty?!

Becky6758 · 04/08/2022 13:12

Earlymenopausesucks · 04/08/2022 13:04

This would only be relevant if the responsible adult hadn’t left a 9yr old home alone!!

I wouldn’t allow my child to be left in your care again.

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Don’t think the OP wants the child left in her care either so problem solved really. I don’t blame her.

worriedatthistime · 04/08/2022 13:13

@Becky6758 its not end of though is it as the mum is not happy and the child called the mum so maybe actually wasn't comfortable with being left alone , bad behaviour or not

MaybeIWillFuckOffThen · 04/08/2022 13:13

Unacceptable to walk out on a 9 year old child. They were not safe, alone in the house. Anything could have happened. And frankly unless they are used to being left alone they might have been terrified. Kids push, he behaved really badly, but can you imagine when he realised you had actually gone and left him alone (presumably locked in the house)? I couldn't have done it as I'd have imagined him being scared and repentant, but it being too late and unable to contact anyone.

I don't think you'll be able to repair the relationship, with the boy or with his mum. As with PP I'd have to have assurances from his dad that you would never, ever have care or responsibility for him again if he was my son - and that sort of makes a mockery of your family life, doesn't it, if you can't look after one of the kids in your family?

i would have contacted his dad, told him to come home at once, waited for him to arrive and then gone to work and explained (or lied and blamed traffic if your boss is the unforgiving type). It was totally and utterly reckless to leave a 9 yo you had committed to care for alone like that.

Imthedamnfoolwhoshothim · 04/08/2022 13:14

MaybeIWillFuckOffThen · 04/08/2022 13:13

Unacceptable to walk out on a 9 year old child. They were not safe, alone in the house. Anything could have happened. And frankly unless they are used to being left alone they might have been terrified. Kids push, he behaved really badly, but can you imagine when he realised you had actually gone and left him alone (presumably locked in the house)? I couldn't have done it as I'd have imagined him being scared and repentant, but it being too late and unable to contact anyone.

I don't think you'll be able to repair the relationship, with the boy or with his mum. As with PP I'd have to have assurances from his dad that you would never, ever have care or responsibility for him again if he was my son - and that sort of makes a mockery of your family life, doesn't it, if you can't look after one of the kids in your family?

i would have contacted his dad, told him to come home at once, waited for him to arrive and then gone to work and explained (or lied and blamed traffic if your boss is the unforgiving type). It was totally and utterly reckless to leave a 9 yo you had committed to care for alone like that.

Assurances? And when Dad tells her where to shove that?

She doesn't have more power than him.
A parenting decision was made on his time. She doesn't get any say in it.

worriedatthistime · 04/08/2022 13:15

@Becky6758 she also rang the dad as she was leaving , would you not of done that as soon as he refused to get up
Maybe the dad could of spoke to him and told him to do as he is told for one and the matter could if been dealt with ,

Becky6758 · 04/08/2022 13:15

worriedatthistime · 04/08/2022 13:13

@Becky6758 its not end of though is it as the mum is not happy and the child called the mum so maybe actually wasn't comfortable with being left alone , bad behaviour or not

Then he should of got out of bed and got in the car!!

The mum can be unhappy all she likes. It doesn’t really matter what she thinks as it’s not the OPs problem. It’s her DH.

worriedatthistime · 04/08/2022 13:16

@Imthedamnfoolwhoshothim if dad had told her where to shove it , then they would have bigger issues than just the dsc wouldn't they

Becky6758 · 04/08/2022 13:17

worriedatthistime · 04/08/2022 13:15

@Becky6758 she also rang the dad as she was leaving , would you not of done that as soon as he refused to get up
Maybe the dad could of spoke to him and told him to do as he is told for one and the matter could if been dealt with ,

She clearly has other children to actually get ready and deal with too and maybe due to her SC behaviour was rushing and flustered.

Ringing him as she was leaving was fine.

Why should she have to wait 40 mins for him to get back.

hopefully the child realises now he can’t misbehave and has to do as he’s told.

Coyoacan · 04/08/2022 13:18

Was left at home alone for more than half a day when I was younger than 9 and I also had to do the same with my own dd. The solution of dragging the lad to the car sounds much more dangerous.

And yes, us non-parents are not allowed to hand out punishments to children, which is why their parents need to make it very clear that any misbehaviour while in our care will not be tolerated.

CharlieAndTooManyCharacters · 04/08/2022 13:19

worriedatthistime · 04/08/2022 13:07

@CharlieAndTooManyCharacters and no point in the OP does it say he agreed , she told what she was doing and what is your profession tha you know so much
Are you a social worker , is the other poster lying about getting a call from SS ?
Yes it may be rare but it can happen
The nspcc have guidelines also for a good reason

There is no point in saying anything to posters like you who openly admit their don’t have the knowledge to comment but insist on making dire pronouncements about what social services, the police, a court, pretty much anything else would do. In somewhat different circumstances to those described here. And defend this as having the right to state their opinion, regardless.

We could ask the @Work1 to confirm that, when she called her husband, he clearly understood that he was taking responsibility for his DS and was comfortable enough with him being at home alone not to tell her that she must not leave until he got there (despite him being happy to leave him unattended to go to the shops). But I doubt she’ll come back to the thread given how it’s gone.

Plantpotpetal · 04/08/2022 13:19

The whole situation sounds untenable. You don’t like your DSC, he doesn’t like you, both of his parents don’t like to take responsibility. Poor kid! I see why you wouldn’t want to be late for work but as the adult in the situation, you needed to be the adult, OP. You haven’t covered yourself in glory here. I would have waited until DH was home, been late for work citing a family emergency and then read both DSC and DH the riot act later. The person I feel most sorry for in this is the 9 year old child though! No wonder he doesn’t want to get up if all he gets is passed from pillar to post and resentment. Children need to know unconditional love and that you’re not going to be another adult who abandons him, which is what you just did. If you’ve taken up with a man with DC, you accept them as a complete package. You can’t just wash your hands of any involvement when the going gets tough and say NOT MY CHILD, NOTHING TO DO WITH ME. Well, you can, but your relationship probably won’t survive!

worriedatthistime · 04/08/2022 13:19

@Becky6758 she left a 9 year old home alone who called his mum upset so clearly wasn't happy with the situation
Nowhere does it say her dh also agreed to that decision either
As a previous poster said if anything had happened that would of been on the OP as they were the responsible adult at the time , rightly or wrongly

Becky6758 · 04/08/2022 13:19

MaybeIWillFuckOffThen · 04/08/2022 13:13

Unacceptable to walk out on a 9 year old child. They were not safe, alone in the house. Anything could have happened. And frankly unless they are used to being left alone they might have been terrified. Kids push, he behaved really badly, but can you imagine when he realised you had actually gone and left him alone (presumably locked in the house)? I couldn't have done it as I'd have imagined him being scared and repentant, but it being too late and unable to contact anyone.

I don't think you'll be able to repair the relationship, with the boy or with his mum. As with PP I'd have to have assurances from his dad that you would never, ever have care or responsibility for him again if he was my son - and that sort of makes a mockery of your family life, doesn't it, if you can't look after one of the kids in your family?

i would have contacted his dad, told him to come home at once, waited for him to arrive and then gone to work and explained (or lied and blamed traffic if your boss is the unforgiving type). It was totally and utterly reckless to leave a 9 yo you had committed to care for alone like that.

Thing is…. Step mums biggest concern isn’t keeping mum
happy.

and the OP has already said she won’t be looking after him again so problem solved.

IWentAwayIStayedAway · 04/08/2022 13:20

in my opinion you've done nothing wrong. if that had been my 9 year old they would be in trouble with me for that behaviour. you were doing both parents a big favour so they could get to work

Imthedamnfoolwhoshothim · 04/08/2022 13:21

worriedatthistime · 04/08/2022 13:16

@Imthedamnfoolwhoshothim if dad had told her where to shove it , then they would have bigger issues than just the dsc wouldn't they

I'd say her bringing issue with the OP rather then standing u tied with her manipulative disobedient brat is the biggest issue.

He called her to shit stir and she fell for it.
So I would absolutly not accept any input from her regarding parenting in my home of I were OP.

Becky6758 · 04/08/2022 13:21

worriedatthistime · 04/08/2022 13:19

@Becky6758 she left a 9 year old home alone who called his mum upset so clearly wasn't happy with the situation
Nowhere does it say her dh also agreed to that decision either
As a previous poster said if anything had happened that would of been on the OP as they were the responsible adult at the time , rightly or wrongly

like I said then. He should of got up and got in the car if he was so upset about it. He’s learnt a lesson.
DH left the decision making to her when he went to work and left his child in bed. He doesn’t need to agree with everything she does or how she handles it.

worriedatthistime · 04/08/2022 13:23

@CharlieAndTooManyCharacters you have no idea what I do or don't know or anything really
Why is only what you say important , where Have i mentioned court even ??
I stated what happened to a friend , the nspcc guidelines which can be taken into account , another posted mentioned they also had a call from ss for leaving similar age child, i stated its rare but it can happen and i also stated they take many factors into account
Even leaving a 13/14 year old alone in some circumstances could be considered unsafe , as a supposed professional you would know this and know its not so clear cut and thats why there is no law as such with a defined age

EilonwyWithRedGoldHair · 04/08/2022 13:23

the thing is, if your own child says "Make me!" you absolutely can make them, up to and including physically putting them in the car, and knowing them well enough to be able to de-escalate more easily.

I have a 9 year old DS who is tall for his age and is a school refuser. Different in that he is highly likely to be ASD, but regardless of that it is nigh on impossible for me to physically make him do something on my own - for example if he refuses to get up, without his co-operation I cannot get him safely out of bed and down the stairs.

Macaroni1924 · 04/08/2022 13:23

At the end of the day you are the adult and were responsible for a child in your care. You have the right to be pissed off however if you stormed off to work leaving my child alone I would not be letting them be anywhere near you again. This is your partners child, you knew this getting into a relationship and I’m sure he expects you to treat his child with love and respect. Should the child do the same, absolutely, but you are also a role model here. If this was a first time occurrence you should have waited until your DH returned and called work stating a family problem and be in asap. If it wasn’t you should have called your DH sooner so that he was back in time for your work. Leaving a 9 year old home alone because you have popped to the shops is a far cry from this situation. No matter how much you have the right to be pissed off you are in the wrong here. As a mother id be so angry with you it would overshadow my child’s behaviour and as a partner I would look at you differently for treating my child that way.

Pumpcake · 04/08/2022 13:23

Becky6758 · 04/08/2022 13:10

She did ring the dad.

In a lot of jobs it doesn’t matter if the law is on your side, who wants to deal with shit at work for a child that’s not yours and being a little shit.

It’s the parents problem to deal with. They got called. No one’s hurt. End off.

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Keyword: ✨Earlier✨

MaybeIWillFuckOffThen · 04/08/2022 13:24

@Imthedamnfoolwhoshothim

She doesn't have more power than him.
A parenting decision was made on his time. She doesn't get any say in it.

Just a quick reminder that these are supposed to be adults jointly responsible for the care of their joint child here, not contestants on the Jeremy Kyle show. Dad being aggressive and trying to pretend it is reasonable for their child to live two completely separate lives depending in whose house they are in at any given time is hardly conducive to harmony is it. Are you suggesting it is never legitimate for one parent to question the another's parenting choices? Even ifit arguably is unsafe?

However, assuming other people are indeed as immature as you and are in the habit of telling their co-parent to 'shove' their legitimate safety concerns, then I as that mum would not be sending my child to him again unless it was ordered by the court.

Our children should be precious to us, and left in safe, qualified care, not in the care of a stroppy woman-child who flounces off when things aren't going her way just because its free and convenient. Imagine any other childcare provider doing this.

Becky6758 · 04/08/2022 13:24

Pumpcake · 04/08/2022 13:23

Keyword: ✨Earlier✨

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She has other kids to attend too…. She didn’t have to do it earlier.

worriedatthistime · 04/08/2022 13:25

@Imthedamnfoolwhoshothim no its not its her dc and if the mum felt his safety was compromised in anyway she had every right
We don't know what discipline she has dealt her dc but the two matters are different she can be cross with her dc but also cross with her dh and the OP as she was the responsible adult in this situation
The mum also knows her child and may be more aware than anyone on here wether he was safe alone

Original poster

Work1 · 04/08/2022 13:26

I wouldn’t allow my child to be left in your care again

Absolutely fine by me.

OP posts:

worriedatthistime · 04/08/2022 13:27

@Work1 what does your dh think of the situation ?