His family have repeatedly called me ex's name

[chilledbubble]

I have been with DH just over 5 years. We are married. I have been called his ex wife's name on multiple occasions. By his sister a few times (including on our wedding day..nice) and twice now by his parents. Would I be a complete cow to start calling them by the wrong name? Our names aren't similar. I look nothing like her. And the DSC are sat right there so I think its insulting to everyone involved frankly.

I call the dc the wrong names sometimes. Don’t mean to, I know who they are. If the in-Laws are generally nice, well meaning people I probably wouldn’t take too much notice. A few times over a five plus year period is hardly a lot.

It is when you don't see them much I think its disrespectful and unwelcoming especially when it's a name bound to cause the whole room to take an intake of breath on your fucking wedding day

I would be very tempted to buy myself a badge with my name clearly marked on it and wear it prominently on every occasion I was meeting them! I suppose that’s a bit pass ag tho.

Yes, wedding day was definantly disrespectful.

I'm not a replacement for her though. It's so insulting to just be treated as interchangeable. Anyway I did ignore her on my wedding day just pretended I didn't hear. But you could see it made the DSC uncomfortable. I might get a name badge as pp have stated.

Sounds like you're furious. I would be too on my wedding day tbh

However my uncle has had a steady succession of girlfriends we've all met and I'm always almost calling them his ex wife's name or avoiding calling them anything in case I get it wrong. People put people in groups.

A dear relative was widowed a few years back and when I am visiting I still always say I am going to see x & x and then I remember one had passed and I won't be seeing that one. It's not intentional, just human nature.

it depends a bit on the wider context. My mum calls me my sister’s name all the time. That’s just her being scatty and not intentional or malicious.

OTOH, my (awful and STBX) MIL has form for pretend memory lapses. She definitely has been being a dick whenever she’s called me my (STBX) H’s ex’s name. It was not ever an accident or a memory lapse. Just as she didn’t accidentally get out their wedding photos to show me the first time I met her. Or any of the other passive aggressive shit she’s pulled.

It’s not even that she liked her first DIL. Nope. It was (and continues to be) a passive aggressive way to get back at SMIL for having been the OW 35 years ago by being nasty to me. Except I was never an OW. Her DIL in fact cheated on her son with an OM. But still, the woman is a nightmare. Really an unpleasant person.

I am furious yes. If I started calling my MIL my ex 's mums name she wouldn't be happy. Or my SIL some other random name. It's rude. And that's without the fact she's the ex, the DSC's mum. How must they feel each time. That I'm lumped with their mum in their heads.

Just as she didn’t accidentally get out their wedding photos to show me the first time I met her. Or any of the other passive aggressive shit she’s pulled. actually.. DH did have to have words with them to tell them to take his wedding photos down!! They still had them up when i went round the first time.

Option 1I mean if she had done it in front of me personally I would have rolled my eyes.

Option 2 On wedding day I would have rolled my eyes and called her a slightly wrong version of her name and If I was corrected make it into a joke like haha me and mil play this fun game when we call each other the wrong name haha and scream into a pillow.

Option 3 If done in front of my DSC I'm afraid I would have gone nuclear and be like DSC are sitting right here, you know my name please don't be so disrespectful of DSC.
What's she gonna do divorce you ?

On a good day I hope I would do option 1 but deeply consider option 2 and probably do option 3 as well to make sure it's bloody awkward and let the silence fall.

Sometimes silence after calling someone out is it's own reward.

I think twice in 5 years is a mistake.

Be like the Frozen girl

So you think she's doing it deliberately?

My DD has been with her present partner for three years. And I still sometimes find myself half way through saying her ex's name instead of her partner's. I don't know why. Her name and the ex's somehow flowed easily, in a way that the present two names don't (think of it like choosing a first and middle names for a baby).

If you don't see the in-laws often, they don't get much practice at using your name, so I can see how it could happen. Twice in five years from your MIL is hardly a lot. Certainly compared to how often I've said or nearly said my DD's ex's 😳

Yes it's shit but i struggle with bil's current (serious) gf, not to call her previous gf's name by accident. Names become by association-its not intentional. Thankfully i don't think I've ever slipped, but nearly have done.

I get everybody's name wrong. I can't help it and I do not mean to do it. I think when you have got a name wrong and it is someone's ex, it lives in your head because it was such a stupid thing to do, and there you go - you have done it again and you could kick yourself for being such an idiot.
I don't think two times is bad. Maybe you should see more of them so they can get to know you better?

Honestly, I misname people all the time. No disrespect intended. I call the kids by the dog’s name sometimes, and vice versa. Not great in a classroom either but I know for a fact most of my colleagues do it as well.

Sometimes just tell people they need to go to the memory clinic. In which case, it would seem I’ve had dementia since I was in my teens

I guess I can understand MIL if it's an age thing. But it's also SIL (she's the one who did it at our wedding). I guess it's like they don't see me as my own seperate entity just interchangeable with the ex. I think it's rude. I also think for the wedding day fine don't mention it and hope I haven't noticed but any other time a "oh I'm so sorry!" Or something wouldnt go amiss.

@pitchforksandflamethrowers

Option 3 If done in front of my DSC I'm afraid I would have gone nuclear and be like DSC are sitting right here, you know my name please don't be so disrespectful of DSC this is what I absolutely felt like doing. It is disrespectful to me and their mum. And also DH is like..she's not been around for years so why does her name keep popping up!

Are they apologetic? That's what would annoy me, if they weren't.

It's one thing to make a mistake, everyone does that from time to time. But I'd expect them to be sufficiently mortified and apologetic if they called you his exes name on your wedding day etc.. not just laugh it off.

Nope... the wedding day was just ignored apart from everyone else in the room taking a sharp intake of breath. And then every other time its literally a short pause, my correct name and then carry on. No apology. No OH sorry!

We all struggled for years when Dsis left her long term partner and quite soon was with another. The fact that we see them rarely because of distance makes it harder because the new partner hasn't become part of your life so you have developed the new habit.

No one did it deliberately though, it's just a slip that they're probably as embarrassed about as you are. We all like him and I hope treat him well, we just get a word muddled occasionally. FWIW Dsis does it occasionally too!

If you're looking for a reason to hate them go ahead, but what will that achieve?

I think I might call it out next time. Like a can you try not to do that please as its insulting to all involved.

@EhatBow It's rude. They are different people. By calling them the same name you are basically saying you see them as one entity "boyfriend". You might as well just call them "boyfriend".

You’re massively overreacting. It was an understandable
mostake and you’re just projecting all your insecurities on it.