Would rather bedshare with son :(

[Anon221]

Am I being unreasonable to want my partner to sleep in bed with me? DP chooses to sleep in bed or next to SS (age 9) every weekend. He’s stayed a week this week for summer hols .he’s slept with him every night. We have a DC 9 months together who sleeps in her own room . & I have a DD age 7 who sleeps in her own bed. Am I right to feel sad we can’t share a bed when SS is here :(

Is it because his DS needs him to or is he doing it because he wants to?

Its understandable that it makes you sad, but then it might make both of them sad if they stop before it naturally runs it’s course. I’d let it go, it won’t last forever and they probably enjoy it.

Where does dss sleep when he lives with mum?

I think YABU...it must be so hard not living with your child full time.... I can't even imagine...maybe he's making the most of having ss close. You have oh with you 5nights a week. You can spare 2.

I'd feel the same as you OP, is there a reason why he feels he has to do this?

Is SS kicking off and he's giving in for an easy life, or is your DP just choosing to sleep with him?

I really wouldn't be happy, especially as there are other children in the picture who do sleep in their own beds.

Is this a new thing or has it always happened?

Depends

You are together all the other nights ! Are you actually jealous or a 9 year old boy getting to spend some time with his dad ..

All the people saying I’m jealous! If this your normal set up with sc just asking? Every single weekend? At his mums he sleeps in his own bed. I have a good relationship with his mum and she isn’t happy about it. 9 almost 10? Like I say our baby & my dd sleep in own beds?

I wouldn't be happy.
Unless dss has additional needs and so needs extra comfort away from home/ his dm?

If not it totally sends the wrong message to the other kids, well not the youngest yet but I'm guessing if this is going on there's a better daddy, more fun, happier, livelier father figure when dss is there which is unfair as that's what the other 2 have to see.
If that happens, it may not.

It doesn’t matter if it’s normal for other people or not. Where’s the harm in it?

Your DH obviously is happy with it though. If you’re not you can have a conversation with him about it - but I must say if I only saw my child two days a week and my partner said I couldn’t sleep next to them because they needed me to sleep next to them instead I wouldn’t feel too impressed.

I mean you feel ‘sad’ he won’t sleep next to you seven nights a week. How do you think his son feels that he only sees him at weekends? Maybe that makes him sad and that’s why he just enjoys a bit of special time with his dad?

If it’s making some of your family unhappy surely there’s some harm? Same as most situations I guess as long as everyone else is happy.

Okay well if it makes DH and DSS unhappy
then surely there’s some harm in stopping them? You have him 5 nights a week usually.

Shot down evil step mum once again as always.

Is it DP or SS who wants this?

But stopping them would make them unhappy, and your dss will outgrow it in a couple of years anyway.

Its nothing to do with evil step mum, you just have to pick your battles. You get to be in bed with your DP most nights, it’s only harder at the moment because of summer holidays. Things will be back to normal soon.

Does the boy have any day time with his dad all to himself, or is he always having to tag along sharing his dad with two other children?

Nobody has ‘shot you down’ or called you an ‘evil stepmum.’ A few people have agreed with you, some have disagreed.

Oh, let them have their cuddles, it’s not like it’s every night. Most bedsharing stops naturally when the child gets bored of it around age ten, it won’t be forever.

Perhaos more importantly, there is nothing you can do to change this, it’s their decision, any fuss you make about it will just cause tension and won’t change what they’re doing.

So your need to sleep next to your husband top trumps his childs?

No one's called you the evil stepmum, very melodramatic - your responses here make me think that there's more to it tbh.

What does the kid think? DD would think that was weird and she's not much older.

Sounds rediculous to me. If this SS sleeps alone at his Mum's why does his Dad do this? If his Dad wants some alone time with his DS surely he can do that during the daytime. Your SS will go through puberty in a year or so, what then?

i am a step mum. I also only get to have my DC some of the time. It’s so so painful to live separated from your children. Can you imagine it? My partner and I sometimes sleep with our children when they are here rather than each other. The children also like it. I do understand that a whole week feels hard, but unless you’ve had to shuttle between parents or hand over your child regularly I think it’s hard to imagine. Your partner will be back in with you soon xxx

Maybe try and reframe it; he obviously loves his son and is cherishing the time he has with him - now I'm not one for congratulating men for basic parenting, but so, so many don't bother at all with their kids, you've obviously chosen a good one for your DC

As PP's have said, it'll naturally come to an end as his son grows so I'd keep your irritation to yourself and let them have that time together. Your SS will always remember those nights. It's sweet really (assuming of course your SS wants to share his space)