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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Daughters wedding sadness

138 replies

Piddlypants · 26/07/2022 20:00

My dd (31)is getting married, my husband has bought her up and fully supported us since she was 12, she has a daughter who calls him grandad, she has no contact with her birth father. My daughter is not asking my husband to give her away as she doesn’t want to upset her Nan (dads mum) but my husband is so upset and sad, so am I. I’ve not said anything but feel really torn. What should I do?

OP posts:

diddl · 26/07/2022 22:04

Is it not possible to walk down the aisle with someone but not actually be "given away"?

Slightlystressedbride · 26/07/2022 22:06

@diddl apparently not.
You're either a strong independent woman walking in on your own.
Or you're being treated as chattel.

Nothing in between is possible according to MN 🙄

Octomore · 26/07/2022 22:07

diddl · 26/07/2022 22:04

Is it not possible to walk down the aisle with someone but not actually be "given away"?

Of course it is. But that isn't what the DD has chosen to do.

Arenanewbie · 26/07/2022 22:08

Who will “give her away”/ walk her?

Zaccat1 · 26/07/2022 22:10

@Curiosity101 This was me. Trying to keep everyone happy. Looking back I cannot believe the pressure that was put upon me by family members. I will never do the same to my children, grandchildren etc.

OP - I wouldn’t say anything. I’m sure your daughter feels under a lot of pressure. I would try to be enthusiastic and supportive.

WudYouSayItInRealLife · 26/07/2022 22:10

I think you and your husband are reading way too much into it. Having someone walk you down the aisle is really old fashioned and odd.

bakewellbride · 26/07/2022 22:12

Me and my husband walked in together! Maybe dd wants to do the same.

LDN1 · 26/07/2022 22:13

Being given away is something that's fading out now, anyhow. I wouldn't care less.

Merryoldgoat · 26/07/2022 22:16

I have multiple points of view:

Being given away in this day and age is a really out dated notion.
Why don’t YOU give her away as you’re her mother?
If she has contact with her paternal GM but not father there is obviously some backstory and frankly her GM needs to keep her sadness to herself on her GD’s wedding day.
Doed your daughter WANT your husband to walk her down the aisle? That’s what counts really.

DuesToTheDirt · 26/07/2022 22:16

She doesn't belong to anyone, so how and why can anybody give her away?

Somethingneedstochange · 26/07/2022 22:17

Can't your husband and her nan both walk her down the isle? I've heard of both the bio dad and stepdad doing it. But as he's not around she could take his place.

Sweatinglikeabitch · 26/07/2022 22:21

Trying to plan a wedding when your parents are separated and in New relationships is a fucking minefield. You will always upset someone who thought they were more important than someone else. Don't guilt trip her over it, you say he "brought her up" but she was 12, nearly a teen, maybe you're overestimating their relationship, I was a similar age when my mum met her DH we are not close, its very different than if she was 2.

diddl · 26/07/2022 22:22

So what is she going to do?

Walk in by herself or with her fiance?

Zeus44 · 26/07/2022 22:25

Kick in the f teeth, beyond a joke and clearly your daughter has her priorities wrong. Her brother father is a waste of space and his mum should also be kicked out of the wedding because of that.

Thepossibility · 26/07/2022 22:26

I regret having my dad walk me down the aisle. Having one man pass me to another man just feels a bit wrong in this day and age. I work and support myself! If I could go back I wouldn't do it and I wish the tradition would die out.

upthem5 · 26/07/2022 22:28

I wish me and DH walked down the aisle together 😍😍

If I could turn back time and get married again I would have done this.

bellac11 · 26/07/2022 22:30

Zeus44 · 26/07/2022 22:25

Kick in the f teeth, beyond a joke and clearly your daughter has her priorities wrong. Her brother father is a waste of space and his mum should also be kicked out of the wedding because of that.

Albert Square is calling you

AllyCatTown · 26/07/2022 22:32

I don’t get why nan’s upset is more important than her step dad’s. Also would Nan expect birth dad to do it? However maybe daughter just doesn’t like the idea (because it’s sexist not anything against dad) and is using it as an excuse.

Octomore · 26/07/2022 22:32

Zeus44 · 26/07/2022 22:25

Kick in the f teeth, beyond a joke and clearly your daughter has her priorities wrong. Her brother father is a waste of space and his mum should also be kicked out of the wedding because of that.

Yeah, banning her nan and having a go at her will definitely ensure strong family relationships for years to come. Why stop at just her nan - ban anyone who's ever been friendly with her father! Bastards, the lot of them.

AnnaMagnani · 26/07/2022 22:32

I found my wedding was a way to unintentionally upset as many people as possible in a very short period of time. And I don't even have that many relatives.

So many people have strong views on what should and shouldn't be done at weddings that even the least bridezilla-ish bride really can't do right for doing wrong.

Your DD has the choice of:

Upsetting her nan
Upsetting you and your husband
Upsetting all 3 of you

She's picked Option 1. Honestly every option ends up with someone upset. Just be pleased for her, organizing a wedding is a nightmare.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 26/07/2022 22:35

Why don’t YOU give her away as you’re her mother?

Good point @Merryoldgoat

BigFatLiar · 26/07/2022 22:38

I was 'walked down the aisle' by my dad, DH walked both our daughters. He felt honoured to be able to do it, he did say that it was to make sure she went.

No sense of giving them away, more a sense of being a part of the wedding.

Bpdqueen · 26/07/2022 22:40

Id definitely say something to her when your both alone to find out the actual reason and if nan is the real reason and what your daughter actually wants

CherryBlossomAutumn · 26/07/2022 22:42

Nothing.

This is a time when love for your daughter is to allow her to make her own call on this, it’s a very strange tricky line who is to give her away, very public and she will be judged either way.

expat101 · 26/07/2022 22:43

this post reminded of the meme on fb some time ago along the lines of the bride not wanting her StpD walking her down the aisle, but expecting the wedding to be funded by him…

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