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Step-parenting

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Boyfriend doesn’t want to meet my daughter

116 replies

Foodx123 · 10/07/2022 12:15

I’ve been dating a guy for 3 months and it’s been going well and I can see a future with him. One small issue being, he isn’t sure about the prospect of being a “step dad” because he’s never had experience with kids. I 100% appreciate the fact that it is a tough decision but he knew from day 1 I had a child. His friends have even told him he needs to think whether he’s 100% serious about this and not to mess me about.

anyway, he’s met my daughter once and we went for ice cream and it was a nice day out. He didn’t really speak to her, just said hi. She was 22 months old at the time. After that I mentioned whether we were together or not to which we sat down and he said he didn’t think he was ready for being with someone with a child and for him to have the life he wants with me it would require him being a stepdad. Obviously I was upset and then he said he’d think about. He said he wouldn’t usually date someone with a child but he really likes me. After that he said he’d think about it. We then carried on meeting, went on a weekend away and he agreed we were together.

fast forward several weeks he stayed round and I knew he had a free afternoon so I asked whether he wanted to hang out with me and my daughter. He said it’s not he doesn’t want to hang out with her it’s just he would rather wait before he introduces himself to her life. We’ve been dating 3 months and we have obvious feelings for each other so I’m unsure what the issue is? What should I say to him? I’m not sure how to approach this as I’ve not been in this situation before either.

OP posts:
WafflyVersatileOohOoh · 10/07/2022 12:17

He sounds smart. You should learn from him.

There is a no reason your daughter should meet this man.

What age is your child? it’s worrying that you think bringing a stranger that you’ve known for three months into her life is a good thing to do.

DenholmElliot1 · 10/07/2022 12:18

I'm with your boyfriend on this one. Why do you want him to meet your dd anyway?

GaladrielHiggins · 10/07/2022 12:18

I think he is right to be cautious about meeting her and being part of her life at this stage. I think you need to seriously consider if he is the right man for both of you, doesn’t sound like he is, to me.

CrossStichQueen · 10/07/2022 12:19

I think he's right on this.

3 months is not that long and with her being a toddler he doesn't want to be a part of her life now when he's not sure if he will be in the future.

You can choose to wait and enjoy the dating until you both feel you want a longterm relationship or end it now and find someone who is on the same timescale as you.

MolliciousIntent · 10/07/2022 12:19

3m is nothing. He's got his head on straight.

MoonShadowMoonShadow · 10/07/2022 12:20

It's been 3 months.

Why are you pushing him to meet her?!

That's way, way too soon.

I actually feel sorry for him and he's right. He should be able to see you without involving your daughter, especially after just 3 months.

Player001 · 10/07/2022 12:20

3 months in is still very early. Way too early to be introducing him to your DD and having thoughts about step parenting.

That said, he seems to be pretty strong on not being ready for an instant family. I'm not sure he is the one for you. I'm think he's going to break your heart if you keep seeing him.

JellyBellyNelly · 10/07/2022 12:21

I never understand the need people have to introduce the men in their life to their children until they’ve been together a long time.

Keep your love life separate for now.

Foodx123 · 10/07/2022 12:21

He’s met her already I should have added. And I never push him, ever.

OP posts:
Luidaeg · 10/07/2022 12:22

3 months????

Why on earth are you trying to push them together

Blowyourowntrumpet · 10/07/2022 12:23

He's being responsible. You're not. Sorry

Aquamarine1029 · 10/07/2022 12:24

It looks like you're trying to push him into playing happy families, honestly, and it's far too soon for that. He's clearly not ready, and I'm not sure he ever will be. He's already told you that he usually wouldn't date a woman with children, and I don't blame him for that.

I'd be moving on.

CrossStichQueen · 10/07/2022 12:24

He’s met her already I should have added. And I never push him, ever.

And he doesn't want to meet her again so he is telling you a ready made family is not what he wants right now...possibly ever.

northstars · 10/07/2022 12:24

I wouldn’t call this a “small issue”.. as others have said, 3 months seems way too early to be meeting your child, especially if he’s not sure about the future of the relationship. I would work on talking to him and figuring out whether you have a future together or not. Having a relationship with your child is not a priority at this stage imho

greatblueheron · 10/07/2022 12:25

He's right.

He's not ready to meet your daughter. It's too soon. And he needs to decide if he wants to be a stepdad soon rather than lead you on. Still doesn't mean he's ready to meet her, though. It's a new relationship.

lonelydad2022 · 10/07/2022 12:25

3 whole months. WOW.

StopStartStop · 10/07/2022 12:26

Don't do this to your child. Will she have to meet every sex partner you have, as she goes through life?

TheFormidableMrsC · 10/07/2022 12:26

Have a rethink after a year or so. It's far too soon and he's being very sensible.

hallodarknessmyoldfriend · 10/07/2022 12:27

He is right.

3 months is such a short time. You are still getting to know each other.

Butterfly44 · 10/07/2022 12:28

3 months is too early. Especially to know if someone is the one you want commitment to ((that's the point of proper introduction)..

Let him do things at his pace and stop pushing. But be prepared that he might walk as not everyone wants to take ok young kids. No matter how much you like someone that's only one part of it

Namechange192727171 · 10/07/2022 12:28

I've got stuff in my fridge longer than your 'relationship' OP.

You'll be scaring him off its far too soon.

Enjoy dating then think about it a year or so down the line.

bembridge11 · 10/07/2022 12:29

He sounds sensible
You sound a little too keen to rush things
Slow down and take your time as a couple
Keen your daughter out if it for now

ChaToilLeam · 10/07/2022 12:30

3 months is far, far too early. He’s showing good sense here.

liveforsummer · 10/07/2022 12:31

At last a sensible guy who takes this as seriously as it should be taken. Shocked he's met her before even having the chat annoy whether you're a couple. Him hanging out with her is still way down the line from where you are now!

Wishenpoof40 · 10/07/2022 12:32

He sounds like he's got his head screwed on.
It's not very fair on you to apply pressure on him to accept a ready made family after three months of dating. He's perfectly within his rights not to want that yet.
I would smarten up a bit.
I've been dating a guy for 6 months now and there's no way even meeting my 4 year old daughter is on the cards yet.
Please act a bit more responsibly.