Summer Holidays - AIBU

[SandyWedges]

We have shared DC and DH has 2 other DC (my DSC). We all get along fine. Summer holidays are approaching and DH is grumbling as I haven't booked time off work while he has DSC. I just don't see the need to really, DC is at nursery and it feels a little odd to me if the 4 of us all go on a day trip and leave DC out. AIBU? I suppose I could take a couple of days off and go for a meal or shopping but I don't like the idea of all of us being miles away and leaving DC at nursery. Am I being ridiculous?

No you're perfectly right, he and DSC should be glad to have a few father - kids days

Could you take a couple of days off and keep him off nursery for a few days so you can spend some of the time altogether?

He's only grumbling because he has to do all the parenting himself.

Don't waste holiday days bailing him out of his responsibilities.

My thoughts entirely.

We could but it seems silly to waste the nursery time we pay for to me.

This 100%

No, he is being ridiculous.

Have you not taken any time off at all over the summer holidays?

It would seem odd to me that your family of DH, you, DSC and DsharedC wouldn't want to spend any time together as a full family.

In the same way as you think it would be odd to go out as a group of 4 and leave your DC out, it would also be odd to book all the family days in the summer holidays leaving your DSC out.

Unless you are literally planning no days out at all with your family over the summer holidays, but I think in most families that would be quite unusual. Most families would book some time off work to spend time together as a family over the summer.

I normally take a week off with DH and DSD and just take our shared DC out of childcare or sometimes I’ve sent them for a couple of days to be able to give DSD a bit of more focused time as I’m quite aware that she now has to share my attention with the younger DC whereas I used to give her a lot of time and attention before they were born
Im all for DH having time with DSD and not passing the childcare responsibilities to me but if I didn’t take any time off my DD would feel like I wasn’t bothered about spending time with her

Have you not taken any time off at all over the summer holidays? there's one day after we go away for a weekend to see DH's parents but I prefer to take them either as and when needed to cover sickness so can't go to nursery or to do things like go shopping by myself.

Ah see I could never do that. I just can't bring myself to take a days holiday to spend with everyone and leave DC out.

If you have a nursery aged child it’s sensible to keep your annual leave for illness /nursery closures etc.
Obviously take time off for family trips with all the children but makes no sense at all for you to take annual leave while your own child is in nursery.

Your dh is cross because you aren’t going to be there to do his parenting for him

Oh dear. It looks like he's going to have to parent his own children without a female helper. What a pickle!

Poor poor man. I imagine he’ll cope by somehow making it all OP’s fault for being an evil witch.

What age? A few dedicated father days without a preschool child to do older child activities sounds like a dream to many families!

He’s being ridiculous. Your annual leave is precious and it’s understandable that you would want to prioritise your limited free time on other things over days out with DSC/looking after DSC.

Thats what I thought they close the nursery so often I need my leave!

I don't know if it's wholly down to me not parenting but yeah he's probably thinking he's going to get bored! I've told him if he can think of a suitable day trip for all of us I'll take one day off.

And if anything we're going to have to get used to not being off together for when DC goes to school. I'll have to time my holiday for times he doesn't have the DSC then otherwise its going to get messy.

I disagree. I think as a family, things shouldn't always revolve around your shared child. If they're in nursery, what's wrong with spending the day with the older kids doing something they enjoy (and having a break from work)?

Don't most parents revolve their annual leave around their children, with the odd day for themselves if they are lucky? It's not some strange concept or privilege reserved only for ex wives 🙄

This. He wants you there to share the load. Or plan the activities.

It would not occur to me on any level to take time off work to spend the day with someone else's kids, I don't even do it with my own unless it's a specific occasion, I certainly wouldn't do it for someone else's.

But they are not someone else’s kids - they are her partners kids.

do you not all have a holiday together? Do you and your partner not want to spend time with all of the kids? I’m not suggesting you take the whole time off but not to take anytime seems odd.

This was my first thought too

We're having a weekend away to see DH's parents. No holidays, cost of living crisis and all that.