Summer Holidays - AIBU

[SandyWedges]

We have shared DC and DH has 2 other DC (my DSC). We all get along fine. Summer holidays are approaching and DH is grumbling as I haven't booked time off work while he has DSC. I just don't see the need to really, DC is at nursery and it feels a little odd to me if the 4 of us all go on a day trip and leave DC out. AIBU? I suppose I could take a couple of days off and go for a meal or shopping but I don't like the idea of all of us being miles away and leaving DC at nursery. Am I being ridiculous?

Yes I do want to save it for DC or for me by myself/my mum if she needs me. Nothing wrong with that. DH has to split his between DC needing him and his DSC so he gets less to spend on illness cover.

I don't go in for the whole blended thing no. Never claimed we were a blended family and it sounds a bit cheesy and twee when I think of it in relation to our family unit.

So are you not going to spend any time as a family this summer? huh? Don't know where you got that from. I've already said we're seeing DH's parents one weekend and then there's the other weekends and you know, the time we aren't out and about working or whatever in the evenings.

Why isn’t he jumping at the chance for quality time with his kids? He can focus on age appropriate stuff they’ll enjoy without needing to accommodate your younger child. I suggest DH takes my DSC to do stuff just them often, it’s good for everyone. They’re amazing at including much younger DD in things but they deserve bigger kid time too and they love days out with just their dad.

Frame it like that rather than you not wanting to take time off. He can’t really complain.

You say 'nothing wrong with that' but you asked if you were BU..... and it turns out some people think you are so..... shrug?

Thank you! Yes! I work. If I take time off I want to either spend it with my own DC or on my own/as kid free time. I most certainly don't see taking a day off to spend it with a sulky teen who grunts a lot as a fun lesiure down time and I'd only do it with my own sulky teen for their sake.

She didn’t ask if she was being unreasonable. She asked if she was being ridiculous, which is not quite the same. This isn’t AIBU.

Erm..Because wants can be unreasonable? So I just wanted a sense check that I wasn't being completely ridiculous in my thinking. Some sort of input from stepparents in a similar position to see if any of them felt the same or if I was missing something. Someone has already helpfully pointed out a compromise of if he organises something I will take one day off and we can take DC out nursery for one day. So it has actually been very helpful.

shrug

@AnneLovesGilbert Yes I agree, he can do zip wiring or uniform shopping or stuff like that.

Lucky him! And you’re absolutely right.

Yep

Yet another post which begs the question, @SandyWedges why did you embark upon a relationship with a man with other children if you were not going to actively take them on rather than seeing them as an inconvenience to be endured?
As for blended families not being for you, it seems as though you feel that everything in the relationship should have you as the epicentre. That's called the single life not being in a relationship.

As for blended families not being for you, it seems as though you feel that everything in the relationship should have you as the epicentre. not true at all and no idea how you got that from my messages. We don't go for the whole blended family thing we're one family but also have our own individual relationships with each other which are precious and to be embraced rather than ignored and pretend they are something they are not.

@MamanDeChoix
Your posts begs the question why you think you know better than OP, her partner, his ex and their children how OPs relationship with those children should be conducted?
OP stated at the start that everyone gets on fine. Why isn't that enough?
Not every child is crying into their pillow every night because they only have the one Mummy.

rather than seeing them as an inconvenience to be endured? this tickles me as if you knew them in person you'd know they are far from an inconvenience. The only person they inconvenience is their dad really as he has to do all he chores for them but he doesnt mind really as he's their dad. I think they might inconvenience me once in a blue moon when something clashes time wise or they've decided to have a half hour long shower and I really really need a wee. But I don't see any of that as a reason to not be in a relationship with their father.

I think perhaps maybe you have not experienced all the nuance and variation that can experience in different types of families l.

But they are your DCs half siblings 🙄

I never said they weren't . Doesn’t mean they are my kids though🙄

My DH has half siblings on both sides and his paternal half siblings also have other half siblings with different father's, so in a string of half siblings 8 people long, some of whom are unrelated, we have 6 parents in total, or 5 different combinations of parents and not all the kids are even related... And this is before I chuck in the step siblings for good measure.
You can say "but half sibling" all you like, doesn't mean anyone is taking on someone's else's parents as their own, or that it's a good thing.

@Youseethethingis1 Thank you, you expressed it much better than me. "Half sibling" doesn't mean I have to treat them as if they are my own child and enjoy doing activities with them so much I'll take a day off without my own child.

Anyway, update, DH has agreed he needs to sort a day out for all of us and me and DC will have a day off.

Of course not, but it's worth recognising that the half siblings may well have a relationship independent of their parents when they are adults. They might have a very strong relationship/friendship, depending on personality.

A woman that I worked with had a child who as an adult was very close to her half sister. Their families used to spend Christmas together because they had children the same age. BUT because her step daughter didn't like my friend, she never got invited.

It's worth remembering that just because you aren't too fussed about seeing step children as family, your own children might not feel the same when they become adults. And lord knows our adult children find enough to judge us on without needing extra ammunition 😂

I think that's a great solution. All the kids will love spending time together

My own DS has a lovely relationship with his half sibling, who we simply refer to as his sister, without me being guilt tripped into making everyone pretend she's my child too and I need to take annual leave specifically to spend time with her while DS is in nursery.

Is this not quite normal? Most parents revolve most of their leave around their children.

Totally agree.

My DC are in nursery. Am I fuck planning stuff in the holidays that would be 3x more expensive when I can just go out in term time with them.

We spend time all together at the weekend. I'm saving my annual leave for the rest of the year though until I have school aged kids unless there is some specific occasion.

My husband and his ex can use theirs for the school holidays for DSC.