Financial obligations with stepchild
blended2022 · 18/06/2022 12:40
I have lived with my partner and his lovely son for 12 months and we have been dating for 18 months in total. His son is 10 and is with us 50% of the time and when he’s round I split the cost of feeding him with my partner and will buy him socks etc. if he needs them, no problem at all. I pay £500 a month to my partner as rent which is essentially the total cost of the bills for the household. He owns the house.
We decided that we’d like to go on holiday in the summer and found a destination for a good price however we have come to blows with the difference in opinion on who should pay for his son’s part of the holiday. He expects me to pay half of his son’s cost of the holiday however I don’t feel I should be responsible for this. I had said I would pay for our trips when we’re away but felt it’s a lot to expect me to pay for half of his sons holiday when our relationship isn’t one where we have equal ownership to assets or anything else at the moment and it’s his son.
It’s causing issues and I don’t know what everyone else does in this situation?
Shinyandnew1 · 18/06/2022 12:42
I don’t think that you should be paying half the cost for his child, no.
DenholmElliot1 · 18/06/2022 12:44
You shouldn't be paying anything for his child no. Have you got some friends you can go on holiday with instead?
RaininSummer · 18/06/2022 12:46
He is very cheeky. Sounds like you are already paying more than your share. Why did you move in with him so soon?
HollowTalk · 18/06/2022 12:48
So he owns the house I'll try it and is happy for you to pay all the bills? And now he wants you to pay for half of his child's holiday? Surely he has plenty of money for that given he doesn't pay any bills!
Shmithecat2 · 18/06/2022 12:50
You're quite right in your stance - you're in a massively precarious position as it is, there's no way you should be taking any financial responsibility for his child. Maybe suggest he puts you on the deeds to his house...
stepuporshutup · 18/06/2022 12:51
It's a no from me
Your dp is bang out of order.
His child he pays on what planet does he even think that you should pay anything .
SupernaturalHamster · 18/06/2022 12:51
He's being a CF I'm sorry to say!
You've only been seeing each other 18 months! Definitely do not financially contribute towards his son - that way resentment lies.
familyissues12345 · 18/06/2022 12:54
Wow how bloody cheeky!! Absolutely you shouldn't be paying for this
aSofaNearYou · 18/06/2022 13:01
Your DP is absolutely taking the piss out of you. Stop paying for his son.
Berthatydfil · 18/06/2022 13:05
You are being financially abused. You have no security as he could end the relationship tomorrow and you would have to leave the house. Of course I’m not saying you should have a claim on his house but the situation is unfair.
Don’t even think of ttc with him.
I bet you do a reasonable amount of childcare as well.
I would say you moved in too quickly and these issues should have been sorted well in advance.
You should be paying your costs such as food and household groceries, council tax, and the bills. But not the mortgage capital repayments, that’s money you could be saving. Also don’t pay towards furniture carpets redecorating or white goods for his house. Obviously some rent should be payable but not what you are paying now.
You should not be sharing the cost of his child , - do you share the costs of your friends children - of course not they have parents.
Obviously buying the odd treat or gift if you chose to is fine and it’s also fine not to either. But the expectation you should pay half of his child’s costs is wrong.
With this level of expectation so early in the relationship I would be considering my long term options.
PeekAtYou · 18/06/2022 13:28
Your generosity in overpaying for food has led to your partner developing a ridiculous sense of entitlement. It's 18 months - you shouldn't be paying for his son's place on holiday.
ChiefPearlClutcher · 18/06/2022 13:30
That would be an absolute no from me. What is his reasoning for this??
Kitten2 · 18/06/2022 13:31
Why does he think you SHOULD pay for his child? What reason is he giving?
MadeForThis · 18/06/2022 13:32
Jesus, he has it easy doesn't he!
He pays for his son. Food, holidays and socks.
You really need to end the relationship if he can't understand this.
Hoppinggreen · 18/06/2022 13:32
He is taking the piss
GreatCrash · 18/06/2022 13:32
You definitely shouldn't be expected to pay half for his son. It also sounds like you're being quite generous in general.
IncompleteSenten · 18/06/2022 13:33
In all honesty, I would move out.
Fireyflies · 18/06/2022 13:34
I suspect he's trying to fit you neatly into the wife/mum slot in his life and sense of how a family works. But step families aren't quite the same as nuclear families. Things need more discussion and negotiation. And ultimately, you're not his son's mum. He already has a mum, so you'll always be something a little more distant. Your DP needs to get his head round the set up being something a bit different from a nuclear family where what's mine is yours and yours is mine.
Luidaeg · 18/06/2022 13:34
I pay £500 a month to my partner as rent which is essentially the total cost of the bills for the household. He owns the house.
Where else could you rent half a house for 500??
How big is the house?
11Hawkins · 18/06/2022 13:35
His mum and dad should be paying his costs. You've been in his life 18 months - STOP PAYING FOR HIM. He's not even your step son.
NoSquirrels · 18/06/2022 13:37
You’re already paying way way too much in this relationship. I wouldn’t be impressed by his attitude to parenting and life.
sashagabadon · 18/06/2022 13:38
Agree with the others. You are not responsible to pay for taking his son on holiday. He is. I also think you should only pay your holiday costs too.
I think your dp is taking the piss!
whatstheteamarie · 18/06/2022 13:38
You'd have to pay me to go on holiday with someone else's 10yr old!
Why don't you go on holiday with a friend instead, you can each pay for yourselves, laze around all day and party all night (if you want to).
Your DP can go on holiday with his DS, pay for them both, entertain his child, have lights out at a decent hour ready for his kid to sleep, make sure there's always child-friendly food, sunscreen applied, child is safe in the pool etc. Because as a parent that is what he should be doing, you however are not a parent, so shouldn't bear any of that responsibility (especially the cost!)
Hapoydayz · 18/06/2022 13:39
He is massively taking the piss. Do you also do most of the housework?
namechange30455 · 18/06/2022 13:41
Several years in and totally shared finances and other kids involved, I probably do pay for quite a lot "for" DSD.
No fucking way would I pay after 18 months. I would also not be paying all the bills. Does he have a mortgage or own the house outright?
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