On the grand scheme of things I know there are worst things in life but I feel conflicted.
Adult DSCs ignored my toddler, their half sibling's birthday. Not even a text to their dad to say anything. There was no drama ever, I was no other woman, we have been married for years, everything is amicable. We all are friendly. They just never show any interest. They would interact with my little person a bit when they are here, but it feels always with reluctance. It is starting to cause upset my little one.
There is a huge age gap, I get it. If they don't want any relationship it is fine with me. What I feel very angry about is this fake pretence of my little person actually having siblings. I get annoyed when their dad talks to my toddler mentioning 'big brother/sister'. Would I be unreasonable to ask him to stop? Just because he has other children it doesn't mean my toddler has sibling in reality. Would be nice if they had relationship, but I would rather not build any expectations for my little child. I don't want my toddler to think he did something wrong/ not good enough that his siblings completely ignore him.
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Adult DSC ignored toddler's birthday
Notimportantbut · 12/06/2022 17:02
Notimportantbut · 12/06/2022 20:22
He had them very young and there is not such a big age gap between us (<8 years). My problem is not a lack of picture perfect sibling relationship, to be honest I was happy we didn't have any drama and she was born.. I have seen much more serious issues on this forum.
They are not even remotely interested in any shape or form and don't bother to fake minimal pleasantries out of politeness. Their dad still spends plenty of adult time with them. They are within their rights, nobody has any obligations to have relationships with anyone they don't want. I want an acknowledgement that it is what it is. Perhaps it will be different later on, but at the moment let us stop shoving 'big brother or big sister' to my daughter. Let's use their names only. Does it make sense?
Regularsizedrudy · 12/06/2022 19:57
how old are you and their dad? I’m guessing there is an age gap of he has 20 somethings and you are young enough to have a three year old. Tbh if I was in my twenties and my dad shacked up with someone and produced a sprog I would be a bit 🤢. I don’t think you can blame them for not wanting a relationship with her.
R1408 · 12/06/2022 17:42
Probably forgot rather than ignored.
Lots of adults aren't particularly interested in toddlers!
Sunnytwobridges · 12/06/2022 21:11
This. My sister has a son and honestly I just forget his bday. I’m not a bday person and Im not really interested in children so I would never remember any child’s bday.
R1408 · 12/06/2022 17:42
Probably forgot rather than ignored.
Lots of adults aren't particularly interested in toddlers!
ImAvingOops · 12/06/2022 20:31
I was 15 when my parents had twins. They are my full siblings so maybe that makes a difference, but there was still a big age gap and I was away at university by the time they were 3. I still loved them and showed interest in them. Age and distance isn't an excuse - they would do it if they wanted to and if they are making no effort it's because they don't want to. This is a horrible attitude to take towards a child. Okay, they may not be happy about the second family situation, but none of this is the baby's fault. They need to grow the fuck up and address any gripes with their dad and stop being so mean to an innocent child.
Sunnytwobridges · 12/06/2022 21:11
This. My sister has a son and honestly I just forget his bday. I’m not a bday person and Im not really interested in children so I would never remember any child’s bday.
R1408 · 12/06/2022 17:42
Probably forgot rather than ignored.
Lots of adults aren't particularly interested in toddlers!
SleepingStandingUp · 12/06/2022 23:09
If you can remember your sisters or your friends, you can remember your nephews. Its a choice to not do so. If you forget everyone's birthday then that's different.
Do yo u also ignore your nephew when he tries to talk to you, leave the room when he's trying to connect to you etc?
Sunnytwobridges · 12/06/2022 21:11
This. My sister has a son and honestly I just forget his bday. I’m not a bday person and Im not really interested in children so I would never remember any child’s bday.
R1408 · 12/06/2022 17:42
Probably forgot rather than ignored.
Lots of adults aren't particularly interested in toddlers!
Sunnytwobridges · 13/06/2022 00:13
I remember a few peoples birthdays. I wouldn’t remember a kids bday as I don’t converse with children, any children. Bdays aren’t important to me as I said so I only remember those who I talk to regularly.
I would not ignore the kid if he tries to talk to me, that’s rude. I will listen to what he says even tho it’s painful as like I said I don’t really like kids. And I will respond back and hope he won’t talk to me anymore 😂
SleepingStandingUp · 12/06/2022 23:09
If you can remember your sisters or your friends, you can remember your nephews. Its a choice to not do so. If you forget everyone's birthday then that's different.
Do yo u also ignore your nephew when he tries to talk to you, leave the room when he's trying to connect to you etc?
Sunnytwobridges · 12/06/2022 21:11
This. My sister has a son and honestly I just forget his bday. I’m not a bday person and Im not really interested in children so I would never remember any child’s bday.
R1408 · 12/06/2022 17:42
Probably forgot rather than ignored.
Lots of adults aren't particularly interested in toddlers!
SleepingStandingUp · 13/06/2022 00:21
He's not "the kid", he's your nephew. I'm sure your sister is heartened that you force yourself to carry out basic civility to her child whilst actively disliking him.
Sunnytwobridges · 13/06/2022 00:13
I remember a few peoples birthdays. I wouldn’t remember a kids bday as I don’t converse with children, any children. Bdays aren’t important to me as I said so I only remember those who I talk to regularly.
I would not ignore the kid if he tries to talk to me, that’s rude. I will listen to what he says even tho it’s painful as like I said I don’t really like kids. And I will respond back and hope he won’t talk to me anymore 😂
SleepingStandingUp · 12/06/2022 23:09
If you can remember your sisters or your friends, you can remember your nephews. Its a choice to not do so. If you forget everyone's birthday then that's different.
Do yo u also ignore your nephew when he tries to talk to you, leave the room when he's trying to connect to you etc?
Sunnytwobridges · 12/06/2022 21:11
This. My sister has a son and honestly I just forget his bday. I’m not a bday person and Im not really interested in children so I would never remember any child’s bday.
R1408 · 12/06/2022 17:42
Probably forgot rather than ignored.
Lots of adults aren't particularly interested in toddlers!
Ragwort · 12/06/2022 17:17
I think you expectations aren't far too high. How old are adult DSC? Many young adults (my own DS included) are just not interested in birthdays, 'family' celebrations at all .. even their own.
I am sure your toddler doesn't know or care if he gets a birthday card from his half sister/brother.
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BahHumbug2 · 13/06/2022 08:44
I think this is just making excuses. I don't particularly care that much about, for example, my aunt's birthday but I send her a text message. It's called just being caring / a family. There's only so long that you can excuse this behaviour in adults.
I would expect any adult sibling to wish their brother / sister a happy birthday. I'd think they were actually really self centred if they didn't think to.
Ragwort · 12/06/2022 17:17
I think you expectations aren't far too high. How old are adult DSC? Many young adults (my own DS included) are just not interested in birthdays, 'family' celebrations at all .. even their own.
I am sure your toddler doesn't know or care if he gets a birthday card from his half sister/brother.
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