Cheeky request from ex or reasonable?

[HmmmNo1]

My husband has DC with his ex and we have 1 together. She also has another child with another ex (SS is 9, this other child is 5 and our son together is 2).

My husband and his ex are both working on Monday (the BH) but I'm not so I've agreed to help and look after SS on that day (would usually be mum's day but not bothered).

Last night she messaged DH asking if I'd be able to look after her other child too (the child that's not even my step child!).

This child is 5, I don't really know them that well only met a handful of times, they've never been to our house for any significant amount of time and certainly never looked after them before.

I know she's struggling trying to find someone but AIBU to say no? I have my own DC and my step child to look after on Monday never mind adding a random kid in I barely know?!

For info, I believe her dad is next to useless and not really involved.

Yes how many can you take at once? You could ask your neighbours if they have any you could look after at the same time. Set up a small nursery, might as well, they are only small children. Oh and do it for free on the day off.

I'm not sure why some posters are answering as if you live in some sort of commune and are responsible therefore for sharing the parenting of any child with the vaguest link to you.

I'm also not sure why there are so many 'but it would be a nice thing to do' and 'but it wouldn't really put you out, you've already got two' comments. That's the sort of attitude that the cheeky fucker school mums take when they want you to watch their kids for them time after time whilst happily never pulling their weight in reciprocating. It's always the same people who seem to have to do the 'nice' thing or do favours for everyone else. OP is already doing both of the parents a favour by looking after her SS!

Bonkers.

OP, you’ve really attracted the bleeding hearts crew today

I guess it just shocked me because she's literally not even on my mental list of people I'd ask to look after our son. Like it would never occur to me to ask her. She's not my friend if that makes sense? I know her out of circumstance i.e. being the mother of my step son and because we have to be, we are civil and get on okay for the most part but we aren't super friendly or anything, I don't even have her number! I've never spoken to her directly outside of when we've happened to be face to face due to step son.

She's the last person I'd ever think to ask to look after my child even if my DC is her child's sibling. And this child isn't even my child's sibling!

I've said no now btw so I guess I'm very mean.

As a one off to help a mum who was really struggling I’d agree.
however it doesn’t look like this it the case so ywnbu to say no.

There are plenty of other mums who are struggling.

OP, you are not being mean. It’s farcical to think that your husband’s ex’s child with a different partner (is there a term for this??) would need looking after by you!

OP...you know this is the start. Say yes once and you'll end up being asked all the time.
With all due respect the other child is not your responsibility. Your responsibility is your child and your dss...thats it. If dh had brought the child up with your DSS then that would be different.

As a one off to help a mum who was really struggling I’d agree.

It won’t just be a one off though will it?
If she’s struggling then she will be seeking help a lot, and the “one off” might be the start of many requests for help.

And even if OP was certain that it would just be a one off, maybe helping her husband’s ex just isn’t what she signed up for? And that’s ok. I’m sure the ex never feels any need to help op’s household.

Lots of mums are struggling. OP might have her own battles to be getting on with.

@AskingforaBaskin I'm completely with you

Ill confess I haven’t rtft but will do later. I think the two main points to consider are:-

1. you’re setting a new precedent and from what you’ve said this won’t be a one off and;


2. this is not a favour that is going to be returned.

on that basis I’d think long and hard before agreeing because you are setting yourself up for a future of whatever you decide. Personally I’d say no, having your DSC is already a favour to someone, looking after a child with no connection to you will be a little awkward and as I say, this is entirely one way.

No I wouldn't and I think it's really cheeky, this child is nothing to do with you and looking after 3 kids is hard. Tbh I wouldn't have DSS all the time either, fuck being his exes babysitter on tap because she can't get herself sorted out 🤷

YANBU to say no, that is entirely your right & decision however it sounds like you have a decent relationship with your SS mother which is rare & so that child can spend the day with her brother & mum doesn’t have to worry about getting kids to separate care givers I would agree to do it as a one off, thinking more about child than mother in this instance really

@Hollygolightly86 That's absolutely brilliant of you. Please let us all know how you would time travel to look after someone elses child last Monday. I'm sure we would all love to know.

Hilarious

Sorry for you. I don’t understand why you’re so very angry that I responded to a post a few days old. Very odd. Good luck to you

I'm not angry, I'm just genuinely interested in why people respond to posts that have been resolved long before you pipe up.

I'd do it but state that it was a one off.

walkwithdignity

She didn't read the thread like me. But goodness I'm much more intrigued about where you get your rage from! You must have known she hasn't rtft.

Aww I'd agree to do it. I think it would be a nice thing to do for the kids and if you already have one kid, or two kids, or three, then really what is one more?

Who's got rage? Just interested in why arseholes do arseholery?