Mother's day moaning

[DuckyNoMates]

I can't stand my DH's attitude towards mothers day . Mum and DH decided that they'd help the DSC get gifts for each other at the usual times. But he's now being so tight and saying things like "I just have to help them, I don't have to pay" etc. It's really annoying me. I know why he's doing it, mum ends up regifting things she's been given, christmas biscuits for birthday gifts etc. But it's really annoying me they won't both just do it properly.

He took them to the supermarket this weekend to choose something and restricted them to £5 each and then moaned about that! So unattractive.

What? I don't understand this situation. Whose mum? What's going on?

@Nosnogginginthekitchen Their DM .. it’s posted on the step parenting thread!! OP is their step mum.

Lovely to see that you actually care Op,

If you are with this tight fisted but don't have children of your own, maybe rethink things.

That's really shitty of him, poor kids. I can't bear my DDs dad and he wouldn't dream of getting me a mothers day present but I do it every year because it's the best thing for my daughter. Crap attitude from your DH (and my ex)

My ex took great pleasure in not helping the kids buy me anything for birthdays Christmas and Mother’s Day. They weren’t even allowed to mention it to him.

Honestly, this is something you’d best ignore.

Tbh this wouldn't really bother me.

How old are they?

You think your partner is deliberately making the kids get crap presents from his kids to annoy her? He sounds awful. Have you been together long? How does he treat waitresses and other people? How does he treat you?

I don’t understand why they’re bothering. Or pretending to bother.

They don’t like each other so why the charade? I don’t think it’s your job to complain he’s not being generous enough to his ex. Why do you care?

My DSC mum doesn’t seem to like Mother’s Day so they’re usually with us. Years ago we offered to help them make or buy her something and they declined. They’re now old enough to do it themselves if they want to. DH and his ex have never exchanged gifts for these days, enthusiastically or reluctantly. They can’t stand each other, the kids would find it very confusing if they started trying to put on a show.

I don’t get why you’re bothered about this.

@HollowTalk

If you are with this tight fisted but don't have children of your own, maybe rethink things.

He's absolutely fine with our little one. It just turns into, but I gave you £20 last week use that etc. So petty.

@AnneLovesGilbert

I don’t understand why they’re bothering. Or pretending to bother.

They don’t like each other so why the charade? I don’t think it’s your job to complain he’s not being generous enough to his ex. Why do you care?

My DSC mum doesn’t seem to like Mother’s Day so they’re usually with us. Years ago we offered to help them make or buy her something and they declined. They’re now old enough to do it themselves if they want to. DH and his ex have never exchanged gifts for these days, enthusiastically or reluctantly. They can’t stand each other, the kids would find it very confusing if they started trying to put on a show.

I don’t get why you’re bothered about this.

This is a very good point. They have a parenting agreement but they could both just agree to drop it. I only care because its horrible hearing him grumbling to the DSC about getting something for their mum. Who looks after them most of time time. It's not even like he has to sign the card or whatever, just take them to a nice shop and buy something nice. Instead they just go through a ridiculous charade or buying the worst gift they can get away with. I feel for the kids.

@Duracellbunnywannabe

You think your partner is deliberately making the kids get crap presents from his kids to annoy her? He sounds awful. Have you been together long? How does he treat waitresses and other people? How does he treat you?

Not crap, just no effort £5 gifts which he moans about buying with his own money as the kids have pocket money. In some kind of petty retribution for her regifting crap. He treats me and waiters of both sexes well and tips generously when we eat out. I mean I know why she isn't his favourite person but it's just pointless and unfair on the DSC. (Though the eldest is more than capable of ordering something herself these days, has a bank card etc).

Isn’t he a prize. 🙄.

You either get involved and first hand show your children how generosity of spirit works. Therefore ensure they get something and be kind about it. Or Don’t and be honest about it.

But to do it and then complain? Sorry but super immature. Tell him to grow up.

If I found out my ex said this to my kids? I’d tear a strip off him (and were amicable). What sort of example is that to set your children?

If I found out my ex said this to my kids? I’d tear a strip off him (and were amicable). What sort of example is that to set your children? well yes but like I said she once regifted Christmas biscuits for his summer birthday.

They are both as petty as the other.
Never claimed he was a prize. He's being a dick and I've told him this

There’s nothing wrong with a £5 gift. And if one of them is old enough to have a bank card they can definitely sort it themselves!

He's absolutely fine with our little one. It just turns into, but I gave you £20 last week use that etc. So petty.

Not crap, just no effort £5 gifts which he moans about buying with his own money as the kids have pocket money.

How old are the kids? Tbh I don’t really see a problem with children using pocket money for this.

I get you OP. My ex and I had a similar agreement until he just stopped. I still take the DC to a shop to buy him something nice because they feel bad if he gets nothing. Unfortunately, they also feel bad for not getting me anything, despite assurances that I don't care. I am now in the rather ridiculous position of giving them a tenner to get me a gift- but it's the best option.
Children will feel bad when they see others making a fuss of mother's day and themselves having nothing good to give. Your DH is being unkind to them. 🚩

How’s he being unkind? He’s taken them shopping, he’s given them money. Even though they have pocket money! And one of them is old enough to have a bank card.

He’s being a bit churlish but he’s still buying his ex a couple of presents via the kids even though she gives him old biscuits and seems as petty as he is!

@MissyB1

My ex took great pleasure in not helping the kids buy me anything for birthdays Christmas and Mother’s Day. They weren’t even allowed to mention it to him.

That is so sad. I wouldn't care about not getting a present but I would be so sad knowing the kids are missing out on the excitement of getting mum a present for her birthday or Christmas (even if it is a handmade card or a plasticine model)

How young is the youngest? I'm not really seeing the problem tbh, it comes across like they're old enough to sort it themselves, given the parents don't like each other there's not much point continuing.

He’s pathetic. Wouldn’t want to be anywhere near this man child

How old are they and how many of them are there? If there are 3 or more they could just pool the money and get something a bit nicer - although £15 is cheap.

This is why I think it's better if both parents' families just take over this kind of stuff if possible, instead of leaving it to the ex.

Hold on so his ex makes next to no effort. He is making next to no effort.

Can't they just get a card for the kids as a token gesture and leave it at that. My ex says she doesn't like anything I get in their house (obviously I do it for the kids not myself) and I make minimal effort these days as I've given up she's so petty.