AIBU to think she is being a massive CF!

[Grated321]

My son goes to the nursery/pre school attached to my step sons primary.

I drop him off in the mornings on my way to work.

My step son stays with us one week and his Mum the next week. When he's with us either I or his Dad drops them both off.

His mother's house is just a little bit out of the way from my route from ours to the nursery / school.

She is always saying she struggles to get to work on time when she drops him off at school and has recently said she is pissed off because she sees me there dropping our DC at the nursery and so why can I not just collect SS on the way so she can get to work quicker.

I think this is massively cheeky but it's not the first time she's come out with something like this.

It's not petty. Co-parenting relationships NEED boundaries in order to function, and this seems like a very low conflict, normal boundary.

The bloody cheek of these BMs sometimes, smh.

I'd not be getting involved in the arrangements of someone who is entitled enough to send a text like that to your DP. That's entitled in itself-and you've not done the favour yet? She can fuck off.

*I guess part of me doesn't want to offer solutions to her given her behaviour in the past I'm reluctant to help now even if I could.

Probably petty of me but...*

Not petty at all. She's now discovering the consequences of her poor behaviour. You owe her nothing.

I wouldn't on the basis of the incident you described where she went out for 9 hours and was uncontactable! That is beyond outrageous. She essentially lied to you and took the piss.

Also yes to those who say step parent favours quickly become taken for granted. It is the thin edge of the wedge. When I was on mat leave I helped DP out with school runs. Soon escalated to the whole family leaving their dirty breakfast dishes for me to sort because I was 'at home anyway', DSS1 never bothering to take his keys out then waking me up to collect school stuff, being phoned up when I was out saying "DSS locked himself out so can you go home" etc etc

If I had an OK relationship with exW and she asked me nicely and was grateful I would probably help.

In your situation I definitely wouldn't. Shs hasn't even asked just moaned that you don't. And after the doctors appointment I would never help again.

@gogohm

It's cheeky but coparenting successfully is about working in partnership, if she's single she might be struggling and perhaps it can work both ways, she helps out with your son occasionally.

I've seen some really good coparenting arrangements and the kids really benefit

The OP is coparenting with her husband. She isn’t coparenting with his ex.

If you don’t want to do it then that’s fine, no need to but then you don’t really need opinions on it do you.

We have a lovely relationship with my step daughters mum, and when she has to work she drops her off at ours and we walk her to school since my daughter is going to pre school anyway.

Makes her life easier, step daughter doesn’t have to go to breakfast club or wait in the rain, and we like to see her on these mornings. I’m going anyway so why wouldn’t I help?

Can’t she drop him at yours on her way to work?

I understand if she has been difficult previously, but it does seem petty.

I’m going anyway so why wouldn’t I help?

Well put frankly, I'm assuming your step child's Mum isn't a complete bitch?

First time you do it she'll be grateful.
Next thing she'll expect it.
Then you'll be criticised for not doing it.

It's a slippy slope. Stay well away.

Maybe if she'd asked politely you could consider it, but to say she's pissed off that you don't do it? That would be a no from me

Add to that she's taken the absolute piss before when I have offered to help, for example begging me to watch SS whilst she went to the doctors and H was out which I said yes no problem and she fucked off for the entire day between 10am-7pm because she went out with her friends and turned her phone off.

I am a massive pushover but after that even I would tell her to take a running jump!

Having read all your posts, I'd say I would be very wary OP. In ME, once someone does something so outrageous as your DH's ex did that day she fecked off for hours and switched her phone off, that indicates they have a tendency to USE others and even feel entitled to do so. Thus, if you give them an inch, they take a few miles! It's as if once you help them out once, they designate you as their Joey and deem you as only there to serve them!
Thus, my advice would be to say No! I used to be glad to help people but learnt over the years to be selective about who I help! If someone takes the piss once, I now take it that that is the way they operate and I don't give them a chance to do it again. If someone is reasonable and only asks if they are in genuine need then Yes, I will do what I can but CFers? No chance! Don't give her anymore chances to mug you off! She'll find someone else to use; that type always do!

Total CF. I would give this zero head space or thought. Not your child = not your problem. Does she take your child to nursery?!

Ref the dr appointment débâcle, I wouldn't offer, it's probably just easier for her, and will end up being difficult for you, so I wouldn't offer. You'll probably end up dropping, picking up and feeding them breakfast abs dinner before the months out

Yep, very cheeky & I definitely would not help her. Not only is it not your problem to solve but I especially don't understand how people think they should get kindness and help offered when they are horrible to others!

I don't think you're being petty, I would feel the same as you. I also agree with a PP's comments about it being a slippery slope...

she's a cheeky fucker.

Offer a halfway solution and say you can but she needs to bring dss to you by x time in the morning rather than you collecting. Or say wow that would be great if we worked something out and we share the school run every other day for every week Inc the week dss is with you.

You could charge her for it. I’ve just found out that this what one of the girls at work does to her DP’s ex (the dss goes to our nursery but in another room ) - she charges £15/hr+ fuel. It’s a nice little earner for her lol.

So she ranted privately at your husband? We all say things in the heat of the moment,maybe she's gotten into trouble at work and was just letting off steam

So she has to do the morning school run every other week and she's complaining?

If she's going to be late for work and there's no reliable breakfast club then why doesn't she get up earlier,leave earlier and drop your DSS at your house so you or DH (or both) do the school run?

However that's up to you if you want to drop off DSS while dropping off your DC.

You helping her out in the morning on her days is a privilege not a right and she's a CF.

@stayathomer

So she ranted privately at your husband? We all say things in the heat of the moment,maybe she's gotten into trouble at work and was just letting off steam

Who rants to someone else's husband about their wife lol. If anyone ranted to my SO about me, whether that's my stepson's mother or anyone else, things would not go well.

@stayathomer

So she ranted privately at your husband? We all say things in the heat of the moment,maybe she's gotten into trouble at work and was just letting off steam

For fucks sake 😂

Her attitude stinks so no. If she'd approached it differently it could have so easily been a yeah sure.. she's a moo

If she’s so overwhelmed and can’t cope with her child every other week, maybe she needs to look at the contact arrangements and work out what she is able to manage. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Ranting at her ex about you is just unacceptable.