AIBU to think she is being a massive CF!

[Grated321]

My son goes to the nursery/pre school attached to my step sons primary.

I drop him off in the mornings on my way to work.

My step son stays with us one week and his Mum the next week. When he's with us either I or his Dad drops them both off.

His mother's house is just a little bit out of the way from my route from ours to the nursery / school.

She is always saying she struggles to get to work on time when she drops him off at school and has recently said she is pissed off because she sees me there dropping our DC at the nursery and so why can I not just collect SS on the way so she can get to work quicker.

I think this is massively cheeky but it's not the first time she's come out with something like this.

Don’t feel bad about not doing this.

If she was a decent, respectful person, I’m sure you would help. But it sounds like she’s not. Don’t give it a second thought. Hopefully your DH won’t even reply.

Her getting to work on time is not your problem OP. You don’t owe her.
Similar thing happened to me years ago when ex’s ex wife wanted me to pick exdsc up on her contact days as I was going that way anyway. If that was my ex asking her or her partner then he would have been told a big fat no.

I would be tempted to enthusiastically say that it would be great to take turns taking both kids as you live so close by. Then see if she has the gall to say she expects your help but won't help in return.

@KylieKoKo

I would be tempted to enthusiastically say that it would be great to take turns taking both kids as you live so close by. Then see if she has the gall to say she expects your help but won't help in return.

Ooh yes. Or, sure £10 a day

He messages back to say it's not your responsibility to do pick ups or drip offs when their child is with their mum. It inconveniences her, well so what? He's her child. You then ignore Andy comments she makes and continue as normal. She's a cf and if you give an inch she will take a mile. Keep your boundaries in place.

@Sceptre86

He messages back to say it's not your responsibility to do pick ups or drip offs when their child is with their mum. It inconveniences her, well so what? He's her child. You then ignore Andy comments she makes and continue as normal. She's a cf and if you give an inch she will take a mile. Keep your boundaries in place.

I know right. Sometimes my child inconveniences me but tough. They are my child and I love them so I do it.

@Tigertealeaves

I wouldn't on the basis of the incident you described where she went out for 9 hours and was uncontactable! That is beyond outrageous. She essentially lied to you and took the piss.

Also yes to those who say step parent favours quickly become taken for granted. It is the thin edge of the wedge. When I was on mat leave I helped DP out with school runs. Soon escalated to the whole family leaving their dirty breakfast dishes for me to sort because I was 'at home anyway', DSS1 never bothering to take his keys out then waking me up to collect school stuff, being phoned up when I was out saying "DSS locked himself out so can you go home" etc etc

Did you do anything to stop it?

I’d have disappeared out for the day with baby and switched my phone off. DSS could fend for himself or his parents could have taken an emergency half day off work to let him into the house.

My DD kept leaving her keys at home I was out once and couldn’t come back any sooner. She was pissy with me for being out. Not my problem if she’s not going to take her keys with her.

100% no.

SS is not impacted with you saying no, it carries on as it has been for however long. The odd occasion if she's ill fair enough but no otherwise where does it end? You collect from school etc?

I don't think it's massively cheeky no.

I think it just sounds like you don't get on.

@sweetbellyhigh

I don't think it's massively cheeky no.

I think it just sounds like you don't get on.

Why don’t you think it’s massively cheeky to be pissed off that a woman who is not your child’s parent doesn’t do your school run for you during your contact time, and insist that she should?

I get on with my son’s SM. I don’t think she’s my staff.

It will soon stop being a favour and become an obligation you can’t get out of. You both have the same amount of time in the morning but she has even less distance to travel. I wouldn’t.

Why don’t you think it’s massively cheeky to be pissed off that a woman who is not your child’s parent doesn’t do your school run for you during your contact time, and insist that she should?

That doesn't actually make any sense 🤔

i get on with my son’s SM. I don’t think she’s my staff

So? Nowhere does the OP say the mother has expected her to be staff, just that she has asked a favour.

Just a tad histrionic...

The OP said: ‘ She is always saying she struggles to get to work on time when she drops him off at school and has recently said she is pissed off because she sees me there dropping our DC at the nursery and so why can I not just collect SS on the way so she can get to work quicker.’

So her husband’s ex is pissed off that a woman who is not her child’s parent is not doing the school run for her.

She feels entitled to having her do it for her.

That’s not asking for a favour. That’s thinking the op is her staff and making demands.

If this was a good well functioning extended family then it would a great idea to help her out and also get a few favours on the bank. However, your relationship is clearly dysfunctional and rather than seeing this as a favour it will become a obligation and if you’re late or early or anything else she disapproves of it will cause further issues.

@DoNotTouchTheWater

The OP said: ‘ She is always saying she struggles to get to work on time when she drops him off at school and has recently said she is pissed off because she sees me there dropping our DC at the nursery and so why can I not just collect SS on the way so she can get to work quicker.’

So her husband’s ex is pissed off that a woman who is not her child’s parent is not doing the school run for her.

She feels entitled to having her do it for her.

That’s not asking for a favour. That’s thinking the op is her staff and making demands.

Absolutely.

This woman is seemingly irritated by having to take her own child to school (50%) of the time and is so resentful of that she actually considers it beneath her when OP could do it instead.

@frazzledasarock yep, I did absolutely go out and refuse to rush back. He had to wait around a few times before he or DP remembered to think about his keys rather than the SM convenience service! Still regularly leaves keys at home on weekends now, or rings the bell as can't be bothered to get keys from bag. Or if theyve been out with DP one of them will often run ahead to the door and ring the bell 2 mins before DP gets there with his keys. Suffice to say I rarely drop everything and rush to answer the door in this house