AIBU to think he's being ridiculous?

[HumblePye]

I have one DC (toddler) with DH who has older children from previous relationship. Both older primary.

When my DC was born I set up a bank account for him and pay into it monthly. DH doesn't pay into it but not really bothered about that.

Mt SC have never had a bank account and since I set up DS's, DH has always made noises about how he wants to set theirs up.

Anyway... DS recently got quite a bit of money from a relative in cash. I said to DH last night that I'll go to the bank tomorrow and put it in his account at which point he was going on again about setting up SC a bank.

We basically got onto a bit of a snippy argument with each other because he suggested I could have done it and when I said why? It needs a parents signature, their passports etc... He said well he could have given me those and "you'd have wanted to do it before DS was born but now you're only bothered about him".

Basically my AIBU is AIBU to think why the fuck should I be the one to set up SC's bank accounts when neither of their parents have? Especially considering I'll need DH anyway or their Mum to sign it. Like am I some sort of slave or something? Wtf... Why on earth can't one of his parents do it if they are so arsed?!

It's a common theme this whole "you're not as bothered since DS was born" crap.

I just walked away before it went any further because I really couldn't be arsed but I imagine the next thing coming would have been about me having more time to do these things than him because I'm at home (work very part time at the moment). But surely some things still need to be the responsibility of their parents? Especially things like banking which requires ID and signatures etc..?

It’s not a petty point to not do something that requires parental responsibility to do. 🙄

It sounds as if when he married you he assumed you'd relieve him of his parental duties.

Setting up a bank account is like taking them to the doctors or dentist or something like that. The parent with care at the time needs to do it ideally.

The next thing will be that the OP has to pay into the bank account, you know, just to show her dsc mean the same to her as her ds.

@HumblePye

It is laziness as well.

I also think it's partly some warped desire to see me doing the same for SC as I do my son so that he can see they mean as much to me if that makes sense.

But it’s ok for him to do fuck all in terms of this account for your ds, AND he does fuck all for his own kids…

HE is the one who has to look at his own actions before you need to worry about it.

This is a “It needs a parent to do this, I’m not a parent, and just because I have a vagina doesn’t mean I have to do YOUR stuff because you CBA to do it. You want your kids to have a savings account, by all means set one up at the same place as DS, but this isn’t my responsibility or anything I have any legal right to do”

So he wants you to show you care as much about the dsc as you do about your dc, by opening a bank account for them. Whilst he show how little he cares for all his dc by doing fuck all - well at least he's consistently crap towards all his kids

To open a child bank account you need to be their parent and have their birth certificate, OP wouldn’t be able to even if she wanted to.

The DCs mother probably already has accounts for them. He could probably just set up a regular payment if they are on good terms.

You on the other hand are being petty in your refusal to do something that you could easily do without any significant inconvenience to your self.

Just so rude. Again.

You on the other hand are being petty in your refusal to do something that you could easily do without any significant inconvenience to your self.
@Tattler2 I don't know what it's like in the U.S. but in Ireland the only person who can open a bank account for a child is a legal guardian - it's to protect against money laundering!
From what all the UK posters are saying on this thread it is the same in the UK.
Not only is the dad being ridiculous he's also being clueless!
And even if op could open a bank account why should she? Her dps insistence that it's something he wants 'we' to do smacks of point scoring over their dm.

He sounds incredibly sub intellect, by his own argument he’s ‘not bothered’ by any of the kids he has bred. Since he hasn’t bothered his hole to set up bank accounts for any of them, and expects you to do it because you’re a woman 😄 pathetic. Can’t imagine what huge redeeming qualities this one must have to keep you around.

Don’t do it. He sounds like an entitled idiot.

I wouldn't do it in these circumstances.

But just FYI you can set up an account for a step child if you have their birth certificate. No parental signature required. I've got a savings account for my SDC in my name with Barclays.

Like a proper childrens saver account, which becomes his at 18. Not just a savings account in my name, I mean.

Sometimes when I have to repeat something too many times for my dh I offer to write it down for him. ‘You are perfectly capable of setting up a bank account for your own children, in fact far more capable than I as I’m not their parent and not allowed to. I’m not your secretary. If you cared half as much as you seem to talk about doing it, it would be done.’ Then I’d add verbally I could argue that you don’t give a toss about any of your children since you seem so little prepared to do this small thing for them.

He can set up a Go Henry account from his phone. You can set it to pay pocket money every week, the kids get contactless cards.

YANBU BTW.

@Dyrene

It is exhausting having someone constantly monitoring your relationship with your own child and criticising you for not having that relationship with someone else’s children.

My EXDP used to do this kind of thing all the time. Note EX.

He's a joke!
Tell him to get off his lazy arse and do it himself. They're his kids.