Struggling new step-mum

[LynseyLyn]

New user here!
Anyone have any advice on how to handle becoming a new step-mum to two kids (8 and 12) when you don't agree with the things that are and are not allowed to do?

I've been with my partner for 15 months and met his 2 kids (from 2 different mums) last summer. He moved in with me last October and they've started staying here with him, but I am really struggling to wrap my head around how 12 in particular is being brought up.

The 8yr old is has a bit of an attitude problem at times, being sassy and acting entitled, but these are isolated incidents and I get on with her really well other than that.

The 12yr old is a whole different story, though. He shows no manners, shows no respect for me or the fact that he is in my house and I cannot understand how he is allowed to stay up by himself until gone midnight on weekends because "that's the way kids are these days".

Anyone been in a similar situation who has any advice on how to handle this whole new world?

Pffftt I don't care any child that comes into my house is expected to behave in a respectful manner. I don't give a fig who they are, why they are the way they are, manners and general respect for any fellow human beings is a fairly low bar. If it's my house I'm not sure why suddenly I would need to pretend I have no rights in my own because I'm a SM. I expect the same level of behaviour from my SC as I do my own DC and actually any child that stays in my house.

I totally get the SC have had a lot of change, and I also strongly suspect your DP doesn't have the best judgement when it comes to children. However that the fall out belongs to him alone. OP you didn't create two children with different mums and you have limited control on what you can do here but what you can do is have iron clad boundaries.

That said staying up late at night isn't a hill i would die on, unless it's impacting your quality of life. Sometimes stepping in actually means stepping back, but it's a fine line.There's a amazing pod cast on Spotify re step parenting really worth listening to.

Remember most MN are mums first and don't like the sound of SM sounding like they may enforce boundaries or be seen in anyway "parenting" their kids.

Maybe it's just me but I came from the it takes a village to raise a child and frankly as a mum, I take all the help I can get.

did he have his own place before?
You will have years of his kids and it won't get any better