Should they pay to replace it?

[CamelotPudding]

I'm pretty furious right now.

It was my DD's birthday a couple of days ago. She's only 2. She got a ride on elephant toy thing which she was really excited about when she saw it.

It's specifically designed for young toddlers (up to 36 months) and is only small. There is a seat on it big enough for small children but definitely not designed for older children / adults.

My SS can play a bit roughly sometimes and was trying to joke around and sit in/climb over it when playing with DD. I repeatedly said to him to stop because it wasn't his and was not designed for older children (he's 11) and he would break it.

Anyway lo and behold he's done it again and the side of the seat has broken and now my daughter can't sit in it properly.

I am so pissed off. We don't have loads of spare money. This was £60 and her main present. It's been two fucking days for Godsake.

I've said to DH I think we should tell SS he has to pay to replace it with the money he got at Christmas (he got over £200 from relatives). I repeatedly told him, he is old enough to know better and I am sick of him just getting away with everything (DH is a pushover).

So AIBU? I'm really annoyed.

@Kitkat151
If this wasn't a ss do you think that anyone would be saying make him pay?
11yo is a child. He was playing "with" the sister. Sometimes when playing things get broken. End of.
Either the parents replace after the sm stops spitting feathers or the 2yo sadly loses out.

He was told stop ....he was told stop again and again....he didn’t....toy got broke.....he pays up....he’s 11 not 3

And at no point in time did either his dad or OP remove him from playing with the toy. Isn't that what parents do when a kid isn't listening?

@CamelotPudding

I'm pretty furious right now.

It was my DD's birthday a couple of days ago. She's only 2. She got a ride on elephant toy thing which she was really excited about when she saw it.

It's specifically designed for young toddlers (up to 36 months) and is only small. There is a seat on it big enough for small children but definitely not designed for older children / adults.

My SS can play a bit roughly sometimes and was trying to joke around and sit in/climb over it when playing with DD. I repeatedly said to him to stop because it wasn't his and was not designed for older children (he's 11) and he would break it.

Anyway lo and behold he's done it again and the side of the seat has broken and now my daughter can't sit in it properly.

I am so pissed off. We don't have loads of spare money. This was £60 and her main present. It's been two fucking days for Godsake.

I've said to DH I think we should tell SS he has to pay to replace it with the money he got at Christmas (he got over £200 from relatives). I repeatedly told him, he is old enough to know better and I am sick of him just getting away with everything (DH is a pushover).

So AIBU? I'm really annoyed.

Yes

[quote ChoiceMummy]@Kitkat151
If this wasn't a ss do you think that anyone would be saying make him pay?
11yo is a child. He was playing "with" the sister. Sometimes when playing things get broken. End of.
Either the parents replace after the sm stops spitting feathers or the 2yo sadly loses out.[/quote]
If my eldest DS broke one of his siblings toys after repeatedly being told not to mess around with it yes he would be paying. All my biological kids. My Ds is 10 and can understand consequences

@KurtWilde

He was told stop ....he was told stop again and again....he didn’t....toy got broke.....he pays up....he’s 11 not 3

And at no point in time did either his dad or OP remove him from playing with the toy. Isn't that what parents do when a kid isn't listening?

Again, he's 11 not 3.

@ldontWanna and if he can't act like an 11yo he gets treat like a 3yo and removed from playing with the toy.

I'd expect a toy to be more robust. It was probably poor quality. I'd take it back to the shop. I've seen older dc play on plenty of ride on toys that are way too small for them and not break. Your dds toy must have been pretty flimsy.

I don't think getting an 11yo to pay the full amount is reasonable. A ban on xbox for a week would be fine. Maybe a contribution but it gives them an attitude that you can pay to get out of trouble.

I don't believe for one minute you're going to make your dd pay when she breaks something of his. Kids break stuff. Confiscate one of his toys (my 11yo hates losing his phone and computer/ console). Deprive him of something as a consequence.

Also I have am 11yo. Saying "don't do x" and explaining consequences won't be heard. Especially if you are always on at him. I really think you have yourself to blame for sitting there warning him. You needed to physically intervene.

I have to do this with my dc. You can't treat an 11yo like an adult. They are a child and their brain is not sufficiently developed. That doesn't mean consequence free. It does mean you have to actively parent some dc, others are more mature.

Think how if he was playing rough with dd you move in and stop him. Don't sit there going "careful, you'll hurt her"

I'd take it back to the shop they would laugh in OP's face if she returned a baby toy because her 11 year old step son had broken it. It's not designed for that.

I don't mean to be goady OP but you sound irrationally angry over a £60 toy.

Step back from the situation and tell your DH it needs replacing by the end of the week. He can get his child to pay for it if he sees fit.

@InFiveMins

I don't mean to be goady OP but you sound irrationally angry over a £60 toy.

Step back from the situation and tell your DH it needs replacing by the end of the week. He can get his child to pay for it if he sees fit.

We don't all have £60 to waste

SS should contribute but £60 is excessive its more about the lesson than the money . I would charge probably £20-30 which is what I would do with my DD.

@MissMaple82

wow, just wow. He's a child, you're an adult. You were responsible for this, not him, you should have taken it away if it was a causing a problem. I actually think it's a disgusting thing to do! You pay it snd be more responsible for the kids in your care in future

He's 11, not 2. She asked him not to play with it and he's old enough to take some responsibility for his own actions.

@veevee04

SS should contribute but £60 is excessive its more about the lesson than the money . I would charge probably £20-30 which is what I would do with my DD.

But they don't have much money to spare, whereas the person that actually caused the problem has over £200. In these circumstances it really doesn't make sense to only charge him £20, he would barely even notice that was gone.

Kids break things. ALL THE TIME. despite repeated warnings.

“Kids” do not. “Kids who never face consequences” might.

Well, in your shoes I would inform DH the toy is to be replaced. Tell him if it was your own 11 you would make him pay for the toy as he caused the damage deliberately, but given he is his child then it is entirely up to your DH if he charges his son or not

I still think toy can be repaired. Wood and fabric are easily mended: glue, screw and sew.
DH and DSS should do it.

@CamelotPudding
@aSofaNearYou
But they don't have much money to spare, whereas the person that actually caused the problem has over £200. In these circumstances it really doesn't make sense to only charge him £20, he would barely even notice that was gone.

He is a CHILD.

So by the same logic, because he has the money at this point, should he pay the utilities bills too if he leaves a light on when told not to or leaves the tap running?

It's absolutely barking mad that he is liable and the ADULT in the situation did f all to prevent it if this toy was so fragile.

He is a CHILD.

He is 11 perfectly old enough to learn if he breas someone else's toy he has to sort out replacing it same as if it were a schoolmate.

@trumpisagit

I still think toy can be repaired. Wood and fabric are easily mended: glue, screw and sew. DH and DSS should do it.

Have you seen it? Why do you think OP doesn't know if it's repairable or not?

@MooSakah

He is a CHILD.

He is 11 perfectly old enough to learn if he breas someone else's toy he has to sort out replacing it same as if it were a schoolmate.

Then the ADULT should have stepped in and adulted and removed said toy if it was so apparent to her it was about to be broken.

[quote ChoiceMummy]@CamelotPudding
@aSofaNearYou
But they don't have much money to spare, whereas the person that actually caused the problem has over £200. In these circumstances it really doesn't make sense to only charge him £20, he would barely even notice that was gone.

He is a CHILD.

So by the same logic, because he has the money at this point, should he pay the utilities bills too if he leaves a light on when told not to or leaves the tap running?

It's absolutely barking mad that he is liable and the ADULT in the situation did f all to prevent it if this toy was so fragile.[/quote]
He is a child that is old enough to know better.
To know a toy for his sister isn't suitable for him.
To know it might break.
To know he is too big for it.
To know to listen to instructions, and if he doesn't there will be consequences.

This time it was something that could've been removed (but that meant his little sister would miss out on playing with it). What if he was jumping on a bed instead? Remove that?

Kids need to learn how to listen and behave eventually and that doesn't happen if you just remove opportunities to misbehave away from them.

*He is a CHILD.

So by the same logic, because he has the money at this point, should he pay the utilities bills too if he leaves a light on when told not to or leaves the tap running?

It's absolutely barking mad that he is liable and the ADULT in the situation did f all to prevent it if this toy was so fragile.*

Him being a CHILD makes no difference, he is of the age where these kind of consequences are appropriate because he should have known better, he should have listened.

The only thing that's barking mad is that you think you should have to hide fragile things from an 11 year old rather than simply ask them not to mess with it, which OP did repeatedly (clearly not doing F all to prevent it). Respectfully, you sound absolutely ridiculous.

Then the ADULT should have stepped in and adulted and removed said toy if it was so apparent to her it was about to be broken. the ADULT was probably busy thinking about the million and one ADULT things they had to do and assumed the 11 year old would do what they are told.

An 11 year old can get in trouble with the police so they need to learn fast that they can't just destroy stuff and say oops and that make it all OK.