Should they pay to replace it?

[CamelotPudding]

I'm pretty furious right now.

It was my DD's birthday a couple of days ago. She's only 2. She got a ride on elephant toy thing which she was really excited about when she saw it.

It's specifically designed for young toddlers (up to 36 months) and is only small. There is a seat on it big enough for small children but definitely not designed for older children / adults.

My SS can play a bit roughly sometimes and was trying to joke around and sit in/climb over it when playing with DD. I repeatedly said to him to stop because it wasn't his and was not designed for older children (he's 11) and he would break it.

Anyway lo and behold he's done it again and the side of the seat has broken and now my daughter can't sit in it properly.

I am so pissed off. We don't have loads of spare money. This was £60 and her main present. It's been two fucking days for Godsake.

I've said to DH I think we should tell SS he has to pay to replace it with the money he got at Christmas (he got over £200 from relatives). I repeatedly told him, he is old enough to know better and I am sick of him just getting away with everything (DH is a pushover).

So AIBU? I'm really annoyed.

I assume this is a plastic seat, in which case I’d attempt a repair. I don’t think it’s necessary to replace - that’s pretty wasteful. But I would want some form of punishment. Maybe £20 from the SS as punishment for breaking it. Or something more current - like taking away a privilege short term.

He is old enough to know what he was doing and had been warned enough times so should definitely contribute to a replacement.
In my experience as a SM if you don’t enforce rules/rewards/consequences or at least get your DH to the behaviours just continue and most likely escalate.

Yanbu. If it was a total accident that’s one thing, but here he took a toy from a younger girl, refused to give it back even though told to by an adult, was told he’d break it, and then broke it. I would absolutely make him pay for it.

This isn’t even really about the toy. It’s about respect: for you, for younger children and women in general. Top priority her is to teach him respect asap before he grows up into one of the many many entitled men who treat women like crap. By ignoring your instruction he was challenging your authority in the family.

Give him chores or withdraw privileges or make him pay from his own birthday money if it’s soon. Do not leave it or the teen years are gonna be bad.

If an adult told my son to leave something alone, he wouldn’t touch it again. It is perfectly possible to teach boys respect.

I made my oldest child pay for a replacement at the age of 8. He had been told repeatedly that if he did something particular, it would break his siblings toy. Like you it was his siblings main present. Low and behold he did it again and it broke. So I discussed with him and explained he would now have to replace it. It cost £45 and he had to use some of his Christmas money to replace it. He actually handed it over and therefore actually saw it going, when the new one arrived he didn’t go near the new one. So I’m hoping he learnt his lesson. These are both my biological children. Maybe discuss and have him pay half and your partner pay the other half? But if it happens again to the replacement or something else (and he’s been warned) he covers the full cost?

@Toanewstart22

*Furious* *so pissed off* *very annoyed*

Over a broken toy

That is an entirely normal reason when something expensive is broken.

100% he should pay, this is a clear related consequence and teaches him the value of things. You couldn’t get any better

but here he took a toy from a younger girl, refused to give it back even though told to by an adult,

@Thirtytimesround when did this happen? Not excusing him but didn’t see where he refused to give it back.

@felulageller

Kids break stuff. You dd will break other kids stuff.

It's part of childhood/ parenting.

You obviously dont like SS. But you chose to marry someone with a DC and that DC will always come first.

This is one of the consequences of your decision.

I don't see your marriage lasting.

I find it utterly fucking hilarious what people will say is a step parents fault because you married someone with kids 🤣🤣

So my daughter's toy getting broken two days after her birthday is my fault because I married a man with a child?

What a leap.

It's a wooden seat. With fabric around it. It broke and ripped out of the fabric. My daughter cannot sit on it now

I’d pass this onto dh to be fair. Tell him it needs replacing, you’re not paying for it, he and dss can organise it between themselves but it must replaced by the end of the week or whatever. Step back. I agree that dss should pay something towards it, even if £20. Kids break things. ALL THE TIME. despite repeated warnings. If he were older with a p/t job I might make him pay the lot, but he’s 11. Pushing boundaries and all that. He can pay something out of his Christmas money. Luckily you don’t have to get involved - pass it to dh. It will be a pricey lesson for him if he keeps bailing his son out.

I completely agree with you, he is 11 and that is old enough to understand that he is too big to play with baby toys and that he should have listened to you. Doesnt matter he is your SS, if I had an 11 year old that had ignored me and continued doing it, I would make him replace the toy.

Yes kids break stuff but when they're much younger they don't have the understanding to stop before they do. An 11 year old does and should have listened. Its a life lesson, hopefully he won't do it again if made to pay!

So if you’re a step-child you can do as you please? Mustn’t be upset. Not punished although very clearly in the wrong.

Yes it needs to come from DH/SS.

@felulageller

Kids break stuff. You dd will break other kids stuff.

It's part of childhood/ parenting.

You obviously dont like SS. But you chose to marry someone with a DC and that DC will always come first.

This is one of the consequences of your decision.

I don't see your marriage lasting.

What a crock of shit.

She repeatedly asked an 11 year old not to sit on the toy. He didn't losten
Repeatedly. He then broke the toy. Giving him a consequence does mean she hates him

Op I would be furious too! Where was dh while this was happening as it really should have been him that dealt with SS?

However, if dh wasn’t there, I can’t understand why you didn’t stop SS playing with it? Your SS obviously ignores you so you knew it was a waste of time telling him off. You should have either removed the toy or calmly moved between dd and SS, not letting him touch it!

11 is old enough to know better. He should pay for it and be taught that actions have consequences. I would do this with my own child. If DH wants to keep being a pushover, he can pay for it himself.

@MissMaple82

wow, just wow. He's a child, you're an adult. You were responsible for this, not him, you should have taken it away if it was a causing a problem. I actually think it's a disgusting thing to do! You pay it snd be more responsible for the kids in your care in future

So the 2yo isn't able to have her toys around at all then in case older brother wants to play with them but will break them?

11 is not a little kid making poor decisions when told not to do something. 11 is when kids start secondary school catching buses/trains in some areas, riding bikes/walking to school and making decisions regarding road safety, ensuring they have their books/homework, PE kit to avoid detention. They are capable of huge amounts of responsibility, sometimes cock it up but not always.
If it was my 11 yo breaking his baby cousins toy he would be offering money and apologies and if I have to force him to do so he would be in no end if trouble.
I would be not impressed with your DH bringing his DS up to not care about breaking his little sisters things and getting away with it.

A child breaking something by accident is an accident.
A child of 11 breaking something after repeatedly being told to leave it alone should face consequences. At 11, he is old enough to understand what is being said and asked of him.

And whoever it was who said "dc come first", does that mean the oldest child should be allowed to do as they please with their siblings things and not have to deal with the consequences? And younger siblings just have to put up with it? Such an idiotic thing to say!

@CamelotPudding
Not deliberate?! I told him repeatedly he would break it if he didn't stop.

No, he didn't deliberately set out to break the toy.
He was doing what kids do. Playing around with his sister and not listening or taking on bo8what you'd said.
Yes it's not great that it's broken, but it was an accident.
Taking money off him to make you feel better about the situation is shitty when it was an accident. Had it been purposeful different situation.
Atm you've never experienced your 2yo breaking things. She will. Does that mean she'll have to pay for your mobile, furniture, etc, when it happens?
Get to grips. Matters not whether he's a ss or not, you're reacting like the child not the adult.

There are some incredibly insane responses on here!
OP here is what I would do. I would be clear to DP about what I expected the outcome to be and then I would leave it to him to sort out how to do it.

I would definitely expect for the toy to be replaced by DH. It's up to him if he makes DS pay for all of it,half or nothing at all. If he's a good parent , he'll make DS contribute.

[quote ChoiceMummy]@CamelotPudding
Not deliberate?! I told him repeatedly he would break it if he didn't stop.

No, he didn't deliberately set out to break the toy.
He was doing what kids do. Playing around with his sister and not listening or taking on bo8what you'd said.
Yes it's not great that it's broken, but it was an accident.
Taking money off him to make you feel better about the situation is shitty when it was an accident. Had it been purposeful different situation.
Atm you've never experienced your 2yo breaking things. She will. Does that mean she'll have to pay for your mobile, furniture, etc, when it happens?
Get to grips. Matters not whether he's a ss or not, you're reacting like the child not the adult.[/quote]
Another batshit response 🙄
He was told stop ....he was told stop again and again....he didn’t....toy got broke.....he pays up....he’s 11 not 3

@ldontWanna

I would definitely expect for the toy to be replaced by DH. It's up to him if he makes DS pay for all of it,half or nothing at all. If he's a good parent , he'll make DS contribute.

If that's your logic, then ss has a father and a sm, 2 parents who should be sharing the cost as parents. so both pay £30 each for a replacement.

I would have been annoyed if I had given him money for Christmas and he used it to replace the toy. So I don't think he should use his Christmas money.
To be honest I think you should have removed the you if it was causing problems. You say he was playing with his sister on the toy children do get carried away.
If you do want him to pay it should be so much a week using his pocket money or you could get him to do jobs around the house to pay for it but I don't think it's appropriate to use his Christmas money