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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Should they pay to replace it?

280 replies

CamelotPudding · 30/01/2022 11:12

I'm pretty furious right now.

It was my DD's birthday a couple of days ago. She's only 2. She got a ride on elephant toy thing which she was really excited about when she saw it.

It's specifically designed for young toddlers (up to 36 months) and is only small. There is a seat on it big enough for small children but definitely not designed for older children / adults.

My SS can play a bit roughly sometimes and was trying to joke around and sit in/climb over it when playing with DD. I repeatedly said to him to stop because it wasn't his and was not designed for older children (he's 11) and he would break it.

Anyway lo and behold he's done it again and the side of the seat has broken and now my daughter can't sit in it properly.

I am so pissed off. We don't have loads of spare money. This was £60 and her main present. It's been two fucking days for Godsake.

I've said to DH I think we should tell SS he has to pay to replace it with the money he got at Christmas (he got over £200 from relatives). I repeatedly told him, he is old enough to know better and I am sick of him just getting away with everything (DH is a pushover).

So AIBU? I'm really annoyed.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

SpongebobNoPants · 30/01/2022 11:53

OP my children (biological, not step) are 11 and 7.
If my 11 year old broke something of her younger brother’s after I repeatedly told her to stop, then yes, I would 100% make her replace it.

CheesusWept · 30/01/2022 11:54

@feelsobadfeltsogood

Yes put your foot down and make him pay to replace it It might make him think and have some respect for her things

I'd be livid aswell
He sounds selfish and jealous

Sounds selfish and jealous? The OP said he was joking around whilst playing with his sister.

Unless he has a habit of breaking all of DD’s things/things in general then, as annoying as it is, I couldn’t get too worked up about this. 11 year old kids aren’t known for being the most careful.

LindaEllen · 30/01/2022 11:56

You asked him to stop several times. He didn't, and then broke it. 11 years old is perfectly old enough to do as you're told. He should 100% pay. If he got £200 for Christmas, £60 is a decent amount to still leave him with a good amount of spending money, while being a chunk that he will miss. The perfect lesson, and absolutely his own fault.

Lovemylittlebear · 30/01/2022 11:57

For me it depends on the context and the child…if he didn’t stop because he was playing with and making his baby sister laugh but is now sad that he has broken her toy and that consequence in itself is enough to learn then no I wouldn’t I would chalk it up as a learning experience. However if he couldn’t give a shit that it’s broken and something similar is likely to happen again then yes I would explain that a contribution is needed and why.

BananaBlue · 30/01/2022 11:57

What’s DH saying about this?

Because really you are powerless unless he is onboard.

All kids/adults make mistakes/don’t listen to instructions and consequences should be faced for that.
I would ask SS what he thinks should happen - was he remorseful?

I’d want SS to him pay a contribution and DH the rest. Ideally I’d want SS to offer.

Might be worth calling manufacturer to find out if you can get a replacement part, which SS/DH can pay for.

Bakewelltart987 · 30/01/2022 11:57

If dh doesn't want his child to pay then he should replace it himself.

Itsalmostanaccessory · 30/01/2022 11:57

This reply has been deleted

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Itsalmostanaccessory · 30/01/2022 12:00

@felulageller

I have 2 children. Do you think my first child should always come first, always matter before my second child?

Because if you do, then I hope you do not have more than one child. That isnt how parenting works. Your first child does not always come first, they dont not always come above their siblings.

MooSakah · 30/01/2022 12:02

Was he at least remorseful and apologetic about it? If not you've got big issues.

SpongebobNoPants · 30/01/2022 12:02

But you chose to marry someone with a DC and that DC will always come first

I literally cannot believe this comment. Some people should just not be parents at all if they actually believe this nonsense. Utterly vile.

Prinnny · 30/01/2022 12:03

Of course he should pay! He was warned multiple times and told his actions would break the toy and he continued.

Can’t believe some posters thinks it’s okay for a pre teen to destroy two years olds main present 48hrs after it being given. No wonder there’s so many feral kids around 🙄

Marcipex · 30/01/2022 12:03

I would make him pay up.
He might take more notice of you another time.
I suspect it was accidentally-on-purpose anyway. He’s jealous, isn’t he.

Perhaps DSS needs more exercise/outdoor activities to burn off some energy.
His father needs to take him jogging/skate park/tennis/swimming so he isn’t spending a lot of time indoors with a toddler. 11 and 2 aren’t good ages to play together really.

OnceUponAThread · 30/01/2022 12:03

Absolutely needs to be consequences here.

I'd think of perhaps a mix between Christmas money and chores to earn the cash to fix it.

I think with Christmas money they never had it in their hands so it doesn't fully work as a consequence. Earning the money to replace helps them see that link between money and work better at the same time.

The chores need to be outside what is normally expected day to day.

So for instance take £30 from Christmas money and the rest could be things like:

clean the car thoroughly - £5
Sweep leaves in garden and bag up £3
Help with all meal prep for a week £5

And so on.

Would be nice if some of the chores also benefited DD who has been most negatively affected.

For instance 15 mins reading to DD each day.

You might also give the opportunity to earn back the £30 from the Christmas money with extra chores if he wants.

Please ignore all the bonkers people calling you nasty and so on. Total nonsense.

MooSakah · 30/01/2022 12:05

@felulageller

Kids break stuff. You dd will break other kids stuff.

It's part of childhood/ parenting.

You obviously dont like SS. But you chose to marry someone with a DC and that DC will always come first.

This is one of the consequences of your decision.

I don't see your marriage lasting.

Are you some kind of parody account?

jackstini · 30/01/2022 12:07

I would expect an apology and a contribution to replace

What was he like with dad when she was upset?

Step has nothing to do with it - I would be the same with any sibling

SpongebobNoPants · 30/01/2022 12:08

@MooSakah I thought the same 😂
Honestly, nobody marries a parent and thinks
“I will allow this child to break things and behave badly, and come before his sibling because he was born first. This is a consequence of loving their dad”.
Jesus fucking wept 🤣🤣

Gardengates · 30/01/2022 12:09

I would make DS1 pay in these circumstances. Or I would make him "earn" the money by doing jobs. It is a good opportunity for natural consequences. And all out kids are both my and DH's bio children.

I think by specifying that one child is your SS, you have muddied the waters on this.

BoredZelda · 30/01/2022 12:09

Kids break stuff. You dd will break other kids stuff.

My kid hasn’t broken stuff. Because she knows there will be a consequence, so if she is warned something will break, she stops doing it.

It's part of childhood/ parenting.

Parenting is teaching children how to behave. That includes setting firm boundaries.

You obviously dont like SS. But you chose to marry someone with a DC and that DC will always come first.

This is a big leap from what she has written. But regardless, her husband has two children. Are you suggesting second born children always come second? Or only the ones with different mothers?

This is one of the consequences of your decision.

So the OP has to face consequences for her choices but not her 11 year old stepson?

I don't see your marriage lasting.

Another massive leap. Give it a rest.

MrsSkylerWhite · 30/01/2022 12:12

felulageller

Kids break stuff. You dd will break other kids stuff.

It's part of childhood/ parenting.

You obviously dont like SS. But you chose to marry someone with a DC and that DC will always come first.

This is one of the consequences of your decision.

I don't see your marriage lasting“

What twaddle. Dad will love both children equally.

SS should certainly contribute to replacement. Must be nice to have an easy life where a £60 toy is neither here nor there.

AndAnotherNewOne · 30/01/2022 12:15

Of course he should pay. Ignore the wailing of the first wives who hate stepmothers. They are so transparent and very unpleasant.

KurtWilde · 30/01/2022 12:15

@Prinnny

Of course he should pay! He was warned multiple times and told his actions would break the toy and he continued.

Can’t believe some posters thinks it’s okay for a pre teen to destroy two years olds main present 48hrs after it being given. No wonder there’s so many feral kids around 🙄

Feral 😂

trumpisagit · 30/01/2022 12:15

Can he help his Dad mend it?
The side if the seat broken off sounds repairable.
But no I wouldn't make him pay.

Jossbow · 30/01/2022 12:17

Can you not obtain a replacement seat from the manufacturer and make him pay?

User310 · 30/01/2022 12:20

I would absolutely insist he paid at least half and even then that’s only because I’m a push over, he SHOULD use his own money to replace it. It didn’t belong to him and he’s ruined his siblings toy.

MrsSkylerWhite · 30/01/2022 12:20

Jossbow

Can you not obtain a replacement seat from the manufacturer and make him pay?“

Very fair solution, if possible.

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