TCC Pregnancy and step parenting support thread

[candlelightsatdawn]

✨ Hi all ✨

Just thought I would start this thread as there's not always a lot of support for SM in TCC or pregnancy and we all know being a SM can add a whole fun element to pregnancy/TCC journeys . Just thought might be nice to have a safe space for us to chat, I maybe the only SM who's prego at the moment so this thread maybe redundant !

My past history 8 losses, one stillborn and one DD and pregnant with DC due early March. This pregnancy has been incredibly bumpy as many of you may know so if anyone want to ask about genetic testing/cvs/anmio and needs a hand hold I'm here !

Come join in share as much or as little as you want. Any vipers that come along will be dealt with with the fury of a pregnant women who hasn't had wine/full nights sleep for a long time.

Thanks for the welcome. ❤️ I'm sorry it's taken me so long @candlelightsatdawn I'm just a bit scared of talking openly about pregnancy in this part of Mumsnet. It's enough just feeling anxious about the pregnancy every day without the nastiness. :(

@Glitterygreen my advice would be to do this 1 day at a time and try not to get too worried about it all. There's already enough to worry about.

At first, those weekends will be tough but you will manage. Even all on your own, you will manage (but even better if you can tap up a friend or relative to come and help!)

It's best to limit long car journeys for baby in the first year. And a routine will be slow to settle into because every week will have different challenges. Babies aren't predictable!

Eventually, when you and baby both feel ready, joining your DH for some or all of the weekend will be possible.

It does mean that for the first year, real bonding time might be limited.

2 logistical questions:

1. Do they come for extended visits in school hols? The extended visits are the best time!
2. Is mum so so far away that it's impossible for them to come all the way sometimes?

If bonding time is limited, it's a real, real shame but try not to fret too much about it. Kids are resilient and they will all bond just fine once you and baby are up to the travel. And anyway, the first few months are the less interesting bit where they can't interact that much. I was 9 when one of my brothers was born and I literally can't even remember him being that small. Think I just dismissed him as "boring".

@PeeAche never apologise for doing anything that protects your mental well-being to me or anyone else. You have been smashed on here before and it wasn't deserved. ❤️❤️ I have been cheering for you silently but haven't want to say anything until you were ready !

@candlelightsatdawn haha thank you! It has taken a lot of will power to not just say what I really think 🤣

I haven't spoken to him yet no. We had a dinner party last night and we have his daughter for the weekend so timing is not the best however something usually comes out the wood work due to built up anxieties. So we will see how it goes. Yes I absolutely will share anything with you however I don't seem to be getting it right myself yet. Same here if ever I mention anything a bomb goes off or I'm attention seeking/causing issues... you know the drill. It's great to interact with you and hopefully we can continue to support each other along the way 🥰 xx

Oh thank you both so much for taking the time to write those responses @candlelightsatdawn and @PeeAche, I really appreciate it. And you are so right that I shouldn't think too much into it at the moment, it's so far away and so much can change.

Interesting that you say my idea would be the mumsnet ideal candlelights, I assumed I'd be bollocked for not wanting us all squished into our flat and making SCs miss out on time with the baby!

To answer a few points:

• Luckily my own family and friends are local to me, so even if DP wasn't around, it wouldn't need be a case of me flying solo all weekend. I have mum & dad, sister, friends etc who would all be glad to drop in and help, luckily :)

• SCs do come here for the weekend sometimes and did all through lockdown, so it's not an impossible distance by any means. I think it's about 3.5 hours from their house to ours, or 2.5 from theirs to PIL's, which is why they tend to go there. Also, DP lived with PIL before moving in with me so it's basically a 2nd home to them all. It would only be an hour's drive for me to go there for the day. I am always welcome to stay but usually prefer not to, though I sometimes do.

• Yes they do and will still come for longer in the school holidays :) It's only the EOW rotation that I'm thinking about this for really, as it would be quite an upheaval for them to start coming here EOW instead of PIL's, not to mention it could be stressful if the baby is a cryer as everyone will be awake and there isn't space to escape. But I appreciate DP may want to be at home with all of his children, so we'll have to see I guess.

Maybe alternating one weekend at PIL's and then the next here could be an option too.

@Glitterygreen

Aw *@Hannabanana2021* that is so hard, I'm so sorry for your losses x

I completely appreciate how you must be feeling around your SS at the moment, I think it's totally natural. It's a very hard thing to see that your husband still has his child to keep him going when you're feeling so much loss.

Could you make other plans sometime when SS is around, go and do something nice for yourself? Hopefully you will feel better with time but at the moment I think you really need to take care of yourself x

Unfortunately I'm supposed to be resting as much as possible until the ectopic is clear. I only started treatment 2 days ago and I'm in so much pain. DH has gone to collect his son for 2 nights and I'm hoping I can keep it all together 😮‍💨 I think it's going to hit hard when DH starts work again on Monday and I'm alone. I think I'll need to reach out for support with an organisation

@PeeAche
Thank you for your kind words and I am so sorry for your losses 😔
And I also wanted to apologise to any woman in the early stages or TTC if I've caused any anxiety or worry over my post.
I know the day will come where we TTC again, and it's such a scary thought. I can't help but think there might be something wrong which means I'll never be able to carry DH baby.
DH has gone to collect his son for 2 nights and I hope I can keep it together 😔

@candlelightsatdawn
Thank you for your reply
I was going to look into Tommys as I'm local to Coventry I'm allowed a referral after 2 consecutive losses and I may need further support when Dah goes back to work. It's extremely difficult because I'm only 2 days past my treatment so things aren't over yet. Just beginning. I'm hoping my emotions settle when I know my body is back to normal. Then we have to wait for 3 months to resume TTC which also feels like a lifetime away. DH has gone to pick up his son for 2 nights and I'm hoping I can keep it together. Although I know when everyone's gone to bed I'm going to breakdown 😢

@north2south I would cheers to that 🍷 but since we can't let's eat all the cake 🍰
You aren't alone how is it all these blokes say the same thing in response no matter what. Honestly your comments have make me chuckle no end !

@Glitterygreen well I say ideal, I imagine because they are some contrary 🛎 end on here - you would have people saying you hate your SC but that would be like that no matter what you put but it's supposedly the ideal they all mention 😂😂 but someone would come pick holes in it I'm sure. Needless to say though there is several people who will have feelings on it so best to adapt and suit to your needs !
I'm glad you have support around you that's a massive bonus ! I think keep it like a open negotiation ! Always to be amended !

@Hannabanana2021 ectopics are so hard on the body. Bed please and make sure you have everything you need ! If you need to seal off from the world then do. Don't try and keep it in !!