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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Reasonable timeline new partner

113 replies

Nedclarity · 10/12/2021 23:18

After divorce and with children aged between 7-11, what is a reasonable timeline to:

  1. Introduce new partner to children
  2. Have new partner move in
OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 10/12/2021 23:20

Depends on many things.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 10/12/2021 23:25

There are a lot of factors that would play into this so it’s hard to say without context. For example how long the parents were separated before the divorce. Also whether it is the resident or non-resident parent moving a partner in.

NeedAHoliday2021 · 10/12/2021 23:28

Everyone is different. Depends on the break up, dc personalities and your personality. I don’t think there’s a magic right answer. Df had her ex tell dc “mum’s off with her boyfriend while you’re with me” so dc asked to meet boyfriend even though it was only 3 months in. They hated thinking she had a separate other life to them. It wasn’t how she planned it initially but 8 months on everyone is happy and dc know mum is dating this guy and this i is s how relationships develop with some working out and others less successful but only time will tell. Another poster will probably say to wait 2 years. I personally couldn’t date someone for a long period without seeing how they are with the dc because that is such a massive part of my life and who I am.

KylieKoKo · 11/12/2021 01:12

Everyone is different. Depends on the break up, dc personalities and your personality. I don’t think there’s a magic right answer.

This with bells on!

Nothing magical happens after 6 months or a year that means it will definitely be ok then.

I actually met dsds before me and dp started seeing each other because we had mutual friends. We all get on great 9 years later!

candlelightsatdawn · 11/12/2021 08:16

There isn't a set time frame regardless of how slow or fast you will do it, on here MN at least one person will come along and say it was too fast you should have waited until your children were adults in their 30s before dating. I suspect those people are the ones who don't want any risk of a new child being created by second family but that maybe me being jaded.

2 years is bandied around as the golden timeframe but I have seen people be bashed for that too so how knows.

Whatever works for you and your situation. It's really dependent on all the factors at play and in a blended family there are a lot of them.

Original poster
Nedclarity · 11/12/2021 09:59

Thank you. I realise there are so many factors playing into this but I’ve seen people getting repeatedly bashed on here for moving too fast so I wondered if there was some magic unspoken formula 😂

OP posts:
candlelightsatdawn · 11/12/2021 10:53

@Nedclarity if your a stepmom just usually expect most people to flame for you having a child period on here and you will be fine.

It's usually the first question that's asked and usually once response is given the bashing starts. Once saw a women who waited a whole 10 years into a relationship get bashed for considering trying for a baby, so I wouldn't be overtly worried.

Most people use there common sense in RL but MN is a different beast.

Sowhatifiam · 11/12/2021 11:56

Also whether it is the resident or non-resident parent moving a partner in

Why does that matter? Both are parents, both should consider the impact of their relationship on their children.

Woodmarsh · 11/12/2021 17:02

@sowhatifiam yes they should but the impact of eow will be less than a main home

MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 11/12/2021 17:08

I would be questioning why having them move in is on the cards at all. It’s not necessary. Children grow and move out- partners can move in then.

skipperjonce · 11/12/2021 17:27

I'd say 3 - 6 months for introducing. Moving in no earlier than 2 - 3 years.

candlelightsatdawn · 11/12/2021 17:29

Awww bingo. Gosh that was quick

SpaceshiptoMars · 11/12/2021 17:39

@MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry

I would be questioning why having them move in is on the cards at all. It’s not necessary. Children grow and move out- partners can move in then.
Children do not necessarily move out! One of my DSC needed to stay until 30, and some will want longer (special needs). And then there are plenty who move out, their relationship breaks down, and they'd like to move back in for a while.

Take it gently, don't try and make an instant family. If you can afford to do it, a transition over a few years as you all get comfortable with each other would be less stressful. Jam everyone together with nowhere to escape and you'll get problems. Plan for there to be boltholes for each of you to hide for a while...

Sowhatifiam · 11/12/2021 17:40

the I mpact of eow will be less than a main home

Far too simplistic a view.

CheesyFootballsAreEvil · 11/12/2021 18:27

I think introducing is fine after about 6 months if it's been established it's a serious relationship. If moving in etc it's best to either do it before the difficult 12-teenageryness kicks in or wait until they are much much older

aSofaNearYou · 11/12/2021 18:33

@MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry

I would be questioning why having them move in is on the cards at all. It’s not necessary. Children grow and move out- partners can move in then.
Necessary? I wouldn't have waited around for 15+ years for DSS to stop visiting DP EOW. That's the simple answer.
MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 11/12/2021 18:37

I think that’s quite a different situation if your DSS was only a visitor to his fathers home.

inmyslippers · 11/12/2021 18:37

I would be questioning why having them move in is on the cards at all. It’s not necessary. Children grow and move out- partners can move in then.

^^ agreed I'm dating but my kids home life and my dating life are oil and water. They do not mix.

candlelightsatdawn · 11/12/2021 18:42

@MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry why would DSC be only a Vistor to their dads home ? 😵‍💫They would have a room, and live there even if usually part time.

MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 11/12/2021 18:48

[quote candlelightsatdawn]@MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry why would DSC be only a Vistor to their dads home ? 😵‍💫They would have a room, and live there even if usually part time. [/quote]
Because PP said “I wouldn't have waited around for 15+ years for DSS to stop visiting DP EOW.”

Which suggests he was a visitor rather than a resident of the home.

aSofaNearYou · 11/12/2021 18:56

@MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry

I think that’s quite a different situation if your DSS was only a visitor to his fathers home.
Do you mean if my DP is the NRP instead RP?
Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 11/12/2021 18:59

I met dh one November.. Met older dc (adult) within a few weeks.. Younger ones soon after. Moved in together 14 months later. Married with a dc now.

MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 11/12/2021 18:59

No I mean if the child is a visitor rather than a resident in the home. You said he visited.

Wizzbangfizz · 11/12/2021 19:02

Personally my view would be go meet when it feels right - moving in never, I wouldn't want my children to live with anyone not directly related to them but that is my personal view.

Theremoresefulday · 11/12/2021 19:03

It really depends. There’s no set formula.