It's 8.30pm on a Sunday night, so let's play my favourite game...

[NinaBernina]

Every other weekend after we've had the children, we drop them back home to mum's at about 7pm.
Usually by 9pm we've had a snarky text message about some heinous crime that's been committed by me/us at some point over the weekend.

Particular highlights have previously included: an inside out sock in the washing; an unfolded clean T-shirt in the clean clothes, 1 missing bog standard hair grip, an incorrect answer in the maths homework and other unforgiveable offences!

Does anyone want to guess what this weekends will be?
I will be back to let you all know tomorrow!

@Pandaly

I think this is where pragmatism and choosing your battles comes in. Pants: no. Schools shoes: yes. I agree mostly but I think you still have to choose your battles according to the ex wife DH is dealt.

Definitely.

Although I’d phrase it as the exW your idiot DH chose. 🤣

Although I’d phrase it as the exW your idiot DH chose. 🤣

Is there any need for that?

I can't imagine dps ex was as Vile as she is now. Well, I know she wasn't. She seemed like a reasonable woman and a good mum in the start. She is neither of those things now.

Although I’d phrase it as the exW your idiot DH chose. 🤣 she wasn't nasty when they got together funnily enough..

I've never understood the weird possessive people have over SC's clothing. DSDs clothes have always flowed between households as they wanted to. If there ends up being a build up at one place then they just take more stuff back with them.

“Please send the children with an extra pair of pants to return home in or I will be washing the ones they come in for them to return to you”

ExH bought my DC new pants and one of them loves the design of one particular pair so much he’s twice fished them out the laundry bin to wear dirty into school and once wore them damp off the drying rack. I hope ExH doesn’t think I’m making some petty point sending him back wearing them most weeks, I didn’t realise pants were such a battle ground

@sassbott

I cannot believe what I am reading. 🤦🏽‍♀️.

What is wrong with some women? Underpants? Seriously? Now I’ve actually heard it all. OP.

No you haven't.

Unfortunately.

There are lots more depths separated parents can sink too.

Threads will appear here, AIBU, lone parents, relationships and legal matters with more notable lows....

@KylieKoKo

I've never understood the weird possessive people have over SC's clothing. DSDs clothes have always flowed between households as they wanted to. If there ends up being a build up at one place then they just take more stuff back with them.

We try not to let clothes wind us up, because we do buy them for the kids, not us, and that's what matters. Sometimes the missing clothes do build up though and it can be a logistical nightmare. My DSD informed me just yesterday that we have no "warm clothes" for her. I checked, and she's right. So we have to replace them all again because they're all at her mums. They've just made their way over to hers slowly on Sunday handovers. They come to us in uniform.

We do sometimes ask for them back. But it's not a great idea.
Last time we asked for them back, mum sent them back with felt tip scribbled all over them. Think the name of the town where we live, scrawled in felt tip over the front of the shirts and front of the legs of the trousers. Ruined a lot of perfectly good stuff. "Mummy says it's so we all know what belongs at Daddy's house"

We also recently had a bag of clothes back for my DSD that were aged 5-6. She's 10.

DSS's clothes that are kept usually go to his step brother instead of back to us. (Mum's boyfriend's kid)

Just have to take a deep breath and remind ourselves that they're just clothes.

God clothes gate…. Where do I start…..

Mum won’t let anything from her house come to ours (and vice versa). She won’t allow any Christmas or birthday presents the kids get here into her house. My OH has no problem with it as he views clothes / possessions as belonging to the kids and they can do what they want with them.

When my OH asked mum if she could possibly return some of the clothes that had gone back to hers (at one point there was hardly anything left here). The response from mum was something along the lines of ‘the kids will no longer be collected in my clothes as I will be stripping them naked when they leave the house. You can dress them in your car’.

The kids were 11 & 14 at the time.

Last time we asked for them back, mum sent them back with felt tip scribbled all over them. Think the name of the town where we live, scrawled in felt tip over the front of the shirts and front of the legs of the trousers. Ruined a lot of perfectly good stuff. "Mummy says it's so we all know what belongs at Daddy's house"

That is absolutely insane! I just don't get why anyone would behave like that.

She won’t allow any Christmas or birthday presents the kids get here into her house we have this too. Anything sent by DH's relatives to their mum's house so they can open them on the day get shoved in a bag and sent here. It's so sad.

‘the kids will no longer be collected in my clothes as I will be stripping them naked when they leave the house. You can dress them in your car’.

@NorthernSpirit please say that she didn't actually follow through with this

@KylieKoKo - no she didn’t follow through after my OH said he would send her email onto social services (he had previously been in touch with them regarding her parental alienation) and she could explain to them how stripping 2 children aged 11 & 14 naked to walk across a communal area to get to dads car was in the best interests of the children.

I’m her mind she thinks she’s mother of the year. She’s an absolute nut case.

@RedMarauder

OP the trick is to buy all clothing, especially under pants and socks, that may end up at their mum's house from Primark or Asda.

Yes it does mean your OH has to intervene to ensure they aren't taking or wearing stuff he's brought from more expensive shops to their mum's but the amount of crap it saves is worth it.

to be honest, I buy all my own everyday underwear (bar a few nicer bits) from Tesco - so I think if it's good enough for me...! (the kids however like Nike and DKNY clothes...!)

[quote SpaceshiptoMars]@NinaBernina

I would have got her to change back into the dirty pair Mum sent her in - possibly aired on the line over the weekend. Perhaps I'm mean, but at least she wouldn't get any of the blame for them going missing.[/quote]
I do understand the logic in this - but I just couldn't do it to the child, it would be massively degrading and it's not her fault her mother is a pain in the arse!

I do understand the logic in this - but I just couldn't do it to the child, it would be massively degrading and it's not her fault her mother is a pain in the arse!

I'm kind of assuming the knickers have been worn just the once? Back when I was a child, they had to last several days... (Too skinny to sweat!) Alternatively, DSD handwashes them and they dry overnight for her return?

@Getyourarseofffthequattro

It's not getting one over on the mum though is it *@HogDogKetchup*? That's what she wants. She doesn't want them to wash the pants. She wants the pants back, but she cannot manage to return the other set of pants back?

Personally I would probably just cut my losses and buy endless pants but then I do think we should call out knob head parents for being knob head parents so... I dunno!

@Getyourarseofffthequattro @HogDogKetchup @selflove @BadlyFormedQuestion I agree, I think the replacement buying of pants is the most sensible thing to do - I might get OH to get a job lot at the beginning of the year and dish them out weekly...! and at least I'm wasting no brain space and not getting my knickers in a knot on a Sunday night about knickers! (bad pun - sorry!)

@SpaceshiptoMars

A friend had the DSCs for the main holidays. They turned up with living hair and in old clothes. The cases were full of unwashed garments that were all too small/torn etc. She ceremonially burnt everything and bought new.

It happened every time...

I have no complaints about the clothes Mum sends with them - they are always dressed immaculately, right down to the matching shoes/hairbands/clips/overtops. And I completely understand why she wants everything back - she doesn't want to be buying new clothes left right and centre either.

@5thnonblonde

ExH bought my DC new pants and one of them loves the design of one particular pair so much he’s twice fished them out the laundry bin to wear dirty into school and once wore them damp off the drying rack. I hope ExH doesn’t think I’m making some petty point sending him back wearing them most weeks, I didn’t realise pants were such a battle ground

I'm sure your exH doesn't even notice which pants they are! And I had no idea it was an issue either until Mum just randomly decided to stop sending them!

@SlothMamaToBe

Yep to DPs phone but the annoying endless buzz wakes us both up. Muting is a great suggestion!! Unfortunately she now has my number due to organising a surprise bday event for DP that I needed to inform her of and she’s already started messaging me about pointless things 🙄

Block her. And then just ignore her

Phones off or muted so no messages got through

Or if iPhone - programmed to set to disturb until the sort of time you want to get up

NEVER EVER reward these emotional terrorists with a response on their terms

We used to get told what tv to watch with DSD, and not to include her in any prearranged thing my ds was doing.

Told the ex to mind her own business and worry about what she was doing/not doing and that we’d spend the time however we liked as she was also entitled to.

Why doesn't she just send her to dad's house in dad's knickers? She comes back in clean dad's knickers and she can then send her back in them? It's rediculous.

We have spare clothes here and always send DSD back with her clothes from the night before and just ask for the clothes back from here otherwise she has nowt to change into.

We used to have kick offs but my DH is really good at stone walling now and we just stopped caring so she doesn't get the reaction she wants. He is way more patient than me. I had to nacho it all and so much better off for it!

I made school lunch once. Got a right telling off via DH as it was too "fancy"

And pantsgate was a thing here too.

@SlugRose

I made school lunch once. Got a right telling off via DH as it was too "fancy"

Did you cut the sandwiches into hearts??

Did you cut the sandwiches into hearts??

Nah, it was the houmus and grilled pepper filling that did it