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Original poster

It's 8.30pm on a Sunday night, so let's play my favourite game...

144 replies

NinaBernina · 10/10/2021 20:34

Every other weekend after we've had the children, we drop them back home to mum's at about 7pm.
Usually by 9pm we've had a snarky text message about some heinous crime that's been committed by me/us at some point over the weekend.

Particular highlights have previously included: an inside out sock in the washing; an unfolded clean T-shirt in the clean clothes, 1 missing bog standard hair grip, an incorrect answer in the maths homework and other unforgiveable offences!

Does anyone want to guess what this weekends will be?
I will be back to let you all know tomorrow!

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Ffs2020 · 11/10/2021 11:58

I could have written your post. Our dramas this week are a 'missing' pair of socks - apparently dp deliberately hid them in the bag to make her think they're missing, a pair of socks the dc took from our home without anyone knowing (ongoing issue of one of the dc taking things) and dp washed the uniforms - this is a job only for mothers and he's trying to remove her from their lives when he does this.

I don't know how she thinks of this madness, or where she finds the time or energy to be bothered.

Bluebell878275 · 11/10/2021 12:34

YES! We had this too...practically every Sunday evening. I could almost time it - by 9:20pm there would ALWAYS be something wrong. I had a chat with my DSD fairly recently and she said that her mum used to quiz her about everything that happened over the weekend. Her mum apparently does the same with her younger brother (different dad) now.

Children know and they don't forget!

Coffeey · 11/10/2021 17:37

Our crime this weekend...a couple of jaffa cakes in their lunch box for today.

I feel like we should keep a notebook of these and present them to the kids should they ever moan about us not trying enough when they are older.

Coffeey · 11/10/2021 17:49

dp washed the uniforms - this is a job only for mothers and he's trying to remove her from their lives when he does this.

We had similar only I wasn't allowed to iron the hallowed uniforms

HogDogKetchup · 11/10/2021 21:25

This thread has been highly amusing!

Ffs2020 · 12/10/2021 00:02

@Coffeey, I should mention the time one of them left a stained hoodie at ours. I washed it, and got the stains out. Murderers would have gotten less vitriol. I was overstepping, it's her job to wash them, I was trying to make her seem like a bad mother, I must have bought an identical hoodie and sent the new one back to show her up.

SnowWhitesSM · 12/10/2021 09:52

I love this thread!

We haven't had dss for two weeks as he's had covid. Previous example that is quite funny - crying that dh doesn't roll dss socks up into matching balls. Actual tears over that. Dh used to get upset about these type of things and his dad guilt would come out, he has started putting better boundaries down and not entertaining the drama lama.

Willyoujustbequiet · 12/10/2021 10:44

I sympathise. I was on the other side of the coin.....

Uniform from the Friday not returned or filthy and clearly washing was my job.
No homework ever done so had to start it 9pm on a Sunday.
No baths or hair washed
No tea given.
Other clothes never returned
Kids returned barefoot in Winter.
No teeth cleaned for the entire weekend.
Essentially no responsibility ever taken.

All of this made for very late Sunday nights and very grumpy kids on a Monday morning. Wholly unfair on the resident parent. I suspect there are thousands of mums in that position.

Its interesting to hear the other side. Thankfully our deadbeat hasnt had contact in years now and life is so much easier.

It's very sad when parents cant be decent.

KylieKoKo · 12/10/2021 11:28

No teeth cleaned for the entire weekend.

That is absolutely shocking. Poor kids!

This thread is making me appreciate DSDs mum.

PeeAche · 12/10/2021 11:37

Oh we get these all the time too. We just ignore them.

Once my (very upset) DSD told her dad she's "sorry" that when she's at her mum's she joins in on "games" where they pretend my DH is dead and talk about what they would do about it and how happy it would make them.

After the handover, he received an angry text accusing him of "grilling" her for information about this. Naturally, he had not been grilling her for info on the Daddy is Dead Game because...y'know... it's hardly a well known game.

Or is it?

Anyway, to summarise, my DSD is being trained to wish my DH was dead. And that's also his fault.

RedMarauder · 12/10/2021 13:02

@PeeAche nope I didn't do that game with my mother, my friends with separated parents didn't say they played that game, and my DC doesn't play that game either.....

PeeAche · 12/10/2021 14:12

[quote RedMarauder]@PeeAche nope I didn't do that game with my mother, my friends with separated parents didn't say they played that game, and my DC doesn't play that game either.....[/quote]
I think you'd probably need to be operating on zero empathy to say to your kids "pretend Daddy is dead!"

(For what it's worth, my DH sees his kids very regularly. He's not one of the bad ones.)

ReginaaPhalange · 12/10/2021 15:20

@PeeAche that's absolutely awful!!

Ive never experienced that! DSD mum always refers to new boyfriends as "DSDs new Dad". Done it in front of me too when I bumped into her whilst she was on a date and I was on a night out...... Hmm

NorthernSpirit · 12/10/2021 16:01

My SC aren’t allowed to call their dad ‘dad’ or talk about him or refer to him at all at home. Apparently it upsets their mum. They are only allowed to call him ‘him’.

God there are some f*cked up EW’s out there.

Aimee1987 · 12/10/2021 16:17

@peeache I think that is up there with some of the worst stuff I've read on this forum. That poor child

Aimee1987 · 12/10/2021 16:18

By this forum I meant mumsnet in general not specifically the step parenting part

Coffeey · 12/10/2021 16:19

@PeeAche why would anyone want to screw up their child like that?!

Coffeey · 12/10/2021 16:20

[quote Aimee1987]@peeache I think that is up there with some of the worst stuff I've read on this forum. That poor child[/quote]
It's really disturbing

Redscarfjamjar · 12/10/2021 16:27

Can confirm that game is not an isolated case unfortunately, we had that for a while until SS was old enough to challenge it. Huge loyalty binds too the poor kid.

If it's any consolation @PeeAche she's now moved on from all that and started outrageously flirting instead....so that's fun Grin

PeeAche · 12/10/2021 20:47

@NorthernSpirit

My SC aren’t allowed to call their dad ‘dad’ or talk about him or refer to him at all at home. Apparently it upsets their mum. They are only allowed to call him ‘him’.

God there are some f*cked up EW’s out there.

We have that too. They call her boyfriends Dad and my DH has to be known by his first name in her house. If you didn't laugh, you'd cry.

My DH takes solace in being the only "dad" that lasts more than 2 years. He'll always be there! All your partners need to try and find some comfort in the same. Kids know who really means it.

Youseethethingis · 12/10/2021 21:21

This is all so alien and baffling.
Why would any "mother" go out of her way to make her kids hate 50% of themselves?
The ones that deserve it will get there at the child's pace and the ones that don't deserve it don't deserve it!

Original poster
NinaBernina · 13/10/2021 12:28

@Ffs2020, @Bluebell878275, @Coffeey
It's the petty things that get me - the things that we just let go at this end. eg SD arrives with no hair clips/bands - we don't send a message to point out the deficiency, I just get some out of the cupboard and give them to her - she's gone through a whole pack of plain black hairbands! no socks? I just get a pair of mine and give them to her...

@Willyoujustbequiet - they all sound like completely valid moans! I could understand a backlash if these things were repeatedly not being done - but they are showered every other day - this will soon need to move to every day IMO due to their ages, teeth cleaned morning and night, Sunday mornings are spent doing homework, usually fed a roast dinner (cooked by my OH) on a Sunday for either lunch or tea.
I know there are deadbeat Dads out there (believe me I have had similar stories from friends about their exH) but he really isn't one of them - I couldn't be with him if he treated the kids like that!
Kids returned barefoot in Winter. this is really bad - especially if they were sent in shoes? Confused

@PeeAche - I'm so sorry your husband is having to deal with this - it's horrendous and completely unforgiveable behaviour from their mother - if it's any consolation, it sounds as though the children are starting to realise though, which they usually do - eventually!

Thanks everyone for engaging - interesting to hear the other side of the coin and I'm so sorry any of your partners/stepchildren are getting put through some of the ridiculousness I've read!

OP posts:
Getyourarseofffthequattro · 13/10/2021 12:50

We used to have this. I cannot tell you how much happier I am now we don't.

We used to get "he's too tired" at 9pm on a Sunday night because that's when she specified she wanted him back. We also used to get "he's fallen asleep in his clothes why would you keep him in his clothes" ooh I don't know because when we returned him home in jamas (in the car!) You shouted at us about that too!

My name isn't allowed to be mentioned in their house at all ever. I am "her".

Used to get all sorts about homework and how I wasn't allowed to help him with it.

Complains abouts what he'd had for tea

All sorts. All baseless and moronic.

Coffeey · 13/10/2021 14:21

Used to get all sorts about homework and how I wasn't allowed to help him with it.

DH got told I wasn't to help with their home schooling!

PeeAche · 13/10/2021 14:30

I'm not supposed to help with homework either. They just don't do any homework. It's a shame because they both can't stick maths and I'm a maths graduate so I could actually be really useful.

Both of my SC are really behind in school. One of them can't hold a pencil and they're almost 8.