It's 8.30pm on a Sunday night, so let's play my favourite game...

[NinaBernina]

Every other weekend after we've had the children, we drop them back home to mum's at about 7pm.
Usually by 9pm we've had a snarky text message about some heinous crime that's been committed by me/us at some point over the weekend.

Particular highlights have previously included: an inside out sock in the washing; an unfolded clean T-shirt in the clean clothes, 1 missing bog standard hair grip, an incorrect answer in the maths homework and other unforgiveable offences!

Does anyone want to guess what this weekends will be?
I will be back to let you all know tomorrow!

@PeeAche

I'm not supposed to help with homework either. They just don't do any homework. It's a shame because they both can't stick maths and I'm a maths graduate so I could actually be really useful.

Both of my SC are really behind in school. One of them can't hold a pencil and they're almost 8.

I'm in a similar situation. I have a degree in a subject one of them struggles with..but nope. Not even a pandemic and disruption to their schooling would let her "allow" me to help. (I do it anyway now).

All this shows is the RP insecurities and shows she is emotional abusive.

@NorthernSpirit

My SC aren’t allowed to call their dad ‘dad’ or talk about him or refer to him at all at home. Apparently it upsets their mum. They are only allowed to call him ‘him’.

God there are some f*cked up EW’s out there.

The name thing is similiar with us. Dad is called Jon by DSS in his mums house and step dad is dad. I think the fact that step dad is a prick makes this one hurt even more.

That's so nasty. Kids should be able to call their own dad Dad.

Ours tends to be first thing on a sat/Sunday morning. 7am this morning repeated text messages waking us up (Kids are a bit older and self sufficient in morning with breakfast etc). Really passive aggressive endless reels of info about how apparently DSS doesn’t like coming to see us, is too worn out so we must drop him back by 2pm (?!?!) and that he doesn’t like playing with DD (even though they get on great and can’t wait to see each other!) . I’m at my wits end knowing how to manage my feelings about it, DP is very calm and says just ignore it but it makes my blood boil and I find it so intrusive. I can’t remember the last time I thought to go on a rant at DD’s Dad but it happens at least once a week without fail. Tips anyone ? At times it os coming between me and DP and I don’t want that to happen.

Are the messages doing to DP's phone? I'd ask him to not tell you about the messages unless it's something you need to know. And maybe he can mute her until a better time? Then just ignore.

Yep to DPs phone but the annoying endless buzz wakes us both up. Muting is a great suggestion!! Unfortunately she now has my number due to organising a surprise bday event for DP that I needed to inform her of and she’s already started messaging me about pointless things 🙄

@SlothMamaToBe

Yep to DPs phone but the annoying endless buzz wakes us both up. Muting is a great suggestion!! Unfortunately she now has my number due to organising a surprise bday event for DP that I needed to inform her of and she’s already started messaging me about pointless things 🙄

Block her.

@GoldChick

Are the messages doing to DP's phone? I'd ask him to not tell you about the messages unless it's something you need to know. And maybe he can mute her until a better time? Then just ignore.

This is what I’ve done. I ask DH not to relay the endless drivel.

I’m afraid I’m on the other side:

DD returned with greasy hair every single time
Her ‘SM’ taking every opportunity possible to sneer at me
Telling DD that I’m a dirty and bad mum
Hints that I’m a gold digger

Encouraging DD to call her grand mother ‘mother’
Rumours spread about me at the school gates

On and on

We’ve muted her woohoo! I just need to find a way to rise above the rubbish she spouts.

Your post made me laugh op.

We used to have similar every sunday, we still do from time to time. But as dsc are getting older and have thier own opinions and mind it's becoming less.

Thier mum hates it if dsc seem to have a good time with us, God forbid they have a interest that is similar to thier dad's.

Once thier dad dared taking dsc for a covid test because they become unwell when in his care. Well that caused ww3.

Me and dp just laugh at it between us, never say anything to dsc about anything.

I'm both an ex-SM and now have a DC with my ex. As I've been at both ends I'm quite chilled with ex's partner. Never met her but don't have any rules she has to abide by like I used to have to. I want my DS to be happy with them. Only thing I've asked is that DS doesn't stay over at hers as she has a studio flat and nowhere appropriate for him to sleep.

This has made me feel bad that I've asked ex not to wash clothes at his though - but again tbf thats because he has contact at ex-MILs house (he moved in with his partner very quickly so goes back to ex-MIL one night a week for contact) and she's a heavy smoker, so the clothes come back stinking. And also because DS is mucky and will get felt stains everywhere that I can get out whereas ex will chuck it all on a hot wash which just seems to make them more permanent!

@KoreyBay18 I think if you've explained why he'd be fine with that? And it's not like you've said he is incapable or you do it better, just that you don't like them smelling of smoke.

@SlothMamaToBe

Ours tends to be first thing on a sat/Sunday morning. 7am this morning repeated text messages waking us up (Kids are a bit older and self sufficient in morning with breakfast etc). Really passive aggressive endless reels of info about how apparently DSS doesn’t like coming to see us, is too worn out so we must drop him back by 2pm (?!?!) and that he doesn’t like playing with DD (even though they get on great and can’t wait to see each other!) . I’m at my wits end knowing how to manage my feelings about it, DP is very calm and says just ignore it but it makes my blood boil and I find it so intrusive. I can’t remember the last time I thought to go on a rant at DD’s Dad but it happens at least once a week without fail. Tips anyone ? At times it os coming between me and DP and I don’t want that to happen.

Nachoing if your friend here OP. It's harder than it looks and takes a fair amount of active idgaf tries for it to stick.

Usually if people are ranting it's because they don't feel heard and need to vent or they want action to be taken. If it's ranting about the situation to DH (no action to be taken) try nachoing or talking to someone who's not in thick of it (aka anyone other than DH) or if it's the latter give very clear directions to him what you want to stop and work together for a solution.

So easy to type. Harder to do but I promise it will help improve your mental well-being if nothing else xx

Oh we have the same every weekend.

Missing hair clips, bobbles, her socks, the odd jacket, trainers (even though handover takes place at school), going ballistic over a hair trim, because she's got a spot on her face, because we don't brush her teeth with an electric toothbrush (it must be electric!), because I've picked her up from school, because she did her homework here, because her nan looked after her when we was ill, because use her nan took her to the cinema, because she camped out in her nans garden (she didn't )

It's always something and if it wasn't anything she'd still find something to blame. Meanwhile every single thing we have sent over there has gone missing, including stolen money.

My dsd had nits, we treated them, went to mum's for a week with the lotion we'd provided, came back the next weekend untreated.

We were due to go on holiday the same day but instead we tag-teamed combing nit cream through wet hair. We left the following day, only to discover by the end of the week all 4 kids had visitors.

Yy to brushing teeth, no uniform returned/washed, no school shoes returned. So frustrating.

Oh the nit saga! I few years ago, when we didn't have our shared DC, the kids went back to mums and then she found they had nits so blamed me! Said I must have passed them on to them. Even though their school had sent out nit warnings for the weeks previously she couldn't believe they hadn't caught them over one weekend.

I once got a message (the first one ever sent to me from DSS's mum) saying it wasn't my place to be looking over DSS's coursework and talking him through what he should correct. It's her place and I need to step back.

It was his psychology A Level coursework. I have a degree in psychology. She didn't get any GCSEs and left school as soon as she could. I don't say that to be snotty - she's done well for herself - I just mean surely I was in a better position to assist with coursework .. and he asked because he was with us the night before it had to be handed in! I wasn't going to say no, I'm not sharing my degree level knowledge, go home to your mum who has never studied psychology and ask her to help you.

@LindaEllen we've had similar, if I wasn't stepmum and was an aunt she'd be biting my hand off to help them.

@LindaEllen ignore ignore the bitter woman.

The boy is old enough to ask adults other than his parents to help him with things.

@SlothMamaToBe

We’ve muted her woohoo! I just need to find a way to rise above the rubbish she spouts.

I treat it as comedy now. It used to really get to me, but these days the more batshit it is (and oh my word there have been some corkers) the funnier I'm finding it.

DP even gives me the edited version, presented as a comedy skit. It helps me keep my powder dry for the occasional awful shit that needs my full attention.

@YesitsBess that sounds like a great way to deal with it!! I will definitely try to do the same. It doesn’t feel healthy to get so affected by something/someone you can’t control.

It was his psychology A Level coursework. I have a degree in psychology. She didn't get any GCSEs and left school as soon as she could

You may have superior knowledge, even more so than the teacher, but you don’t have a grip on what exam boards want to see to award the best grades and I can assure you that many a piece of coursework is sent off track by well meaning adults around a child. Ditto teaching maths to children - they don’t necessarily teach it how we were taught things and if you introduce a new methodology you risk confusing the child even more. Worse still, they now understand it but are forced to do and present their work as the teacher wants in class to get the necessary grades causing all sorts of hassle and upset. I’m not suggesting don’t help, but do get the children concerned to talk you through what they have been doing and in the case of coursework, why they have been doing it in a particular way prior to wading in.

@Getawaywithit what you ranting about?

I'm sure LindaEllen as a degree educated person is well aware that you teach to the exam.