Step dad and my son

[Crazycazza]

Aibu? My youngest son (18) just started uni, he is living in halls but only an hour away by train. My partner was pleased when he left as he dislikes him. My son has been home one night in his first week and is on the train to come home tonight just for one night to watch the fight with his mate from home. My partner is furious ad says I should not let him and make him get used to uni life! How do I say he can't come home? I want to give him the choice, am I wrong?

Its your sons home. He should be 100% welcome at all times. University is temporary, It sounds to me like your partner should be the one you turn away, not an 18 year old needing a safe and secure base to learn to be an adult from

You're not wrong. Your partner sounds like a knob.

Please don't let your partner drive your son away. Your son might be struggling to get into Uni life completely but it's still early days.

Are you married to the man you actively dislikes your son?

If he is your partner, he is not your sons step-dad (as per your title), luckily. He sounds awful!

Being away at uni is really stressful in the first few weeks as everything is so unfamiliar. Coming home will be a welcome break. Soon enough he will fly the nest and so you need to make the most of this time. That's your son's home. If your son feels unwelcome it may put him off ever coming home when he has problems or needs support. Good luck with this issue OP, your partner is a dick

Why are you with a man who dislikes your son?

I'm assuming there's a massive back story about why your partner thinks it's ok to openly dislike your ds. But regardless, your DP is being obnoxious and childish and frankly I'd probably ask him to leave.

You don’t say to your son he can’t come home. Your his Mum & that’s his home.

The fact you already have stayed with someone as you said disliked your son & pleased he left - he doesn’t really feel my with confidence as the nicest person. I couldn’t imagine being with anyone who said that about my own children.

Having been the child in this situation I can say that I no longer have a relationship with my mother. Do not put your partner before your son.

Thank you, thats what I'm trying to give him

Throw your 'partner' out!

How could you even entertain the company of a man who dislikes your son so much.

Oh and there is a big back story, my partner left his wife when his kids were young so never brough up teens so doesn't seem to get the whole parenting role and my son has smoked cannabis and my partner thinks I'm a bad mother for not stopping him.

@GiveMyHeadPeaceffs

I'm assuming there's a massive back story about why your partner thinks it's ok to openly dislike your ds. But regardless, your DP is being obnoxious and childish and frankly I'd probably ask him to leave.

100%

Get rid of your partner and let your Ds come home.

So he's walked away from his own kids? Don't take parenting advice from this man.

Supercalifragilistic

Yes as did the dads of both my sons ..I clearly can't pick a good man

Your partner is unreasonable to make your son feel unwanted in his own home. However he is reasonable to not want your son to do drugs and especially so if he did them in the house.
I feel there might be more to this story.

How do I say he can't come home?

You absolutely don't say that. It shouldn't even be a question.

What is the living set up with you and this partner? Who moved in? Did you buy somewhere together?

*How do I say he can't come home??
You dont.
You tell you're partner to get to fuck as his knowledge of parenting skills could be typed on a back of a stamp.
Why are you not giving your partner some home truths when he think you are the bad parent.
You need to kick his sorry ass in to touch.
Once youve done that do something nice for your son, favourite meal, get a favourite treat or whatever in and be made up to see him when he arrives.
Why would you do anything else?

You make good points, my son has been hard work and my oh was looking forward to the break I guess. He can be really good with my son but is stricter than me.

Oh moved in to our home that I brought my boys up in...I hold all the cards really.

Please don't tell your son he can't come home. Make it very clear to your boyfriend that this is your son's home for as long as he needs it to be and if he doesn't like it he can find somewhere else to live.

Thank you all you have given me strength

When you say he’s on his way home with his mate to watch the match, does this involve taking over the family TV with his mates or would this be in his room / own space?