DS sleeping arrangements at his Dad's

[rossandrachel]

My DS7 shares a room with his 9 year old step sister at his Dad's house. He doesn't like her much, he says she's mean to him, has physically hurt him on the odd occasion (I've seen the marks) and she never gets told off.

He started saying on the odd occasion that he doesn't want to go to his Dad's if she is there that day. He's now saying this every single time he is due to go to his Dad's.

I don't have a good relationship with my ex so am unable to talk to him about it (anything at all, actually) and the times the step sister has hurt him I've had a chat with her mum (my ex's partner), and she has just brushed it off.

Am I just going to have to say to my son that he's going to have to accept that she is his step sister and I will not be agreeing that he can stay at home? I always try and encourage the relationship with his Dad but he just looks so sad about the thought of going if he knows she will be there.

Don’t make him go if he doesn’t want to. The lack of his own room and privacy is only going to get more of an issue as he gets older and I’d not spend time with others I didn’t like or get in with so wouldn’t expect my children to do so either.

I'd be photographing the marks and emailing them to the ex and telling him that this treatment of your DS by his SDS has to be sorted and stopped. Immediately, otherwise there would be no more visits.

Your boy is not old enough to stand up for himself amongst strangers in a strange house- which basically is what this situation is. You are the Adult. You need to stand up for him. Your child needs to see that you have listened to him. Heard him, and are damn well going to show him that he matters - to you anyway.

@MeridianB From what DS tells me, he doesn't get any 1-2-1 time with his Dad as there are 3 other children there.

@respecttheforum Yes I do have his email address so I will compose something to send. I know the amount of abuse I'll get back though

[quote rossandrachel]@MeridianB From what DS tells me, he doesn't get any 1-2-1 time with his Dad as there are 3 other children there. [/quote]
So his dad needs to carve some time out for his DS. Even if some of the other three children are his, he could surely find an hour or two each weekend.

But from what you say, this sounds unlikely to happen.

As the contact time is for benefit of your son, it’s hard to see any upside for him.

If he has half siblings at the house and still wants to see the, then he could he go for a shorter time and not do overnights?

Is it possible your ex is keen to maintain overnights because they reduce his maintenance payments?

@rossandrachel
At most you may receive an offensive email response, from what you say, your son is experiencing actual physical abuse. If he is coming home with bruises that is a situation that needs to be dealt with by the parents.

If the dad is voluntarily paying you some elective amount of child support, he will probably cease . However, you can then do the legally appropriate thing and file for child support.

@MeridianB That's exactly why he doesn't want to reduce overnights.

so he's happy for his son to be bullied by his DSSis just to save himself money - what a lovely chap! OP that is no judgement on you i know what it can be like to have a difficult and abusive ex.

It doesn’t sound like he gets any benefit from going, I’d stop making him go as often as he does.

Stop sending your son. If your ex wants to take you to court so be it. He'll have to explain why your Ds comes home with bruises.

That's exactly why he doesn't want to reduce overnights

Your child's happiness is more important than the money. Leave CS as it is and reduce visitation.