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Original poster

AIBU - washing

105 replies

IWasBornInAThunderstorm · 03/09/2021 16:29

I told DH I was fed up of doing their washing as work's got busier so I don't have time to help out with it. He said that's fine I'll do it - can you remind me. No, because that just makes it my mental load. So.. DSC arriving tonight and he still hasn't twigged that he hasn't done it!

Am I being really mean to not remind him? I feel like if I do then I'm only enabling his uselessness.

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Original poster
IWasBornInAThunderstorm · 03/09/2021 19:22

@Tattler2 I'll get some post-its for his christmas stocking

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Tattler2 · 03/09/2021 19:57

@IWasBornInAThunderstorm

Post its may sound very simplistic, but in our house they provide a solution rather than an argument or angry feelings. Few things get forgotten and no one has simmering anger over easily resolvable issues.

MarcelineMissouri · 03/09/2021 20:07

It’s the principal as well really.
My dsd is mid teens. If she’s coming to stay it’s me that makes sure there’s fresh bedding and a clean towel. If she’s here longer than a few days it’s me that sees if she needs some washing doing (she’s doesn’t leave clothes here) Its me that replenishes toiletries and makes sure she has a new tooth brush every few months.

One time I forgot to leave towels out for her and she asked dh for one. He gave her a used towel from our bathroom. There are plenty of clean unused towels available.

It’s not that I particularly mind doing it it’s just that it never even seems to cross his mind that these things need doing or perhaps he just completely takes for granted the fact that I will do it.

RedMarauder · 03/09/2021 20:16

@MarcelineMissouri your partner is disgusting.

Probably worth showing the teen were the clean towels, toiletries etc are and telling her when it is acceptable for her to help herself to new ones. As a frequent guest of a couple of my friends I know where stuff is, plus I make and strip my bed.

Original poster
IWasBornInAThunderstorm · 03/09/2021 20:31

[quote Tattler2]@IWasBornInAThunderstorm

Post its may sound very simplistic, but in our house they provide a solution rather than an argument or angry feelings. Few things get forgotten and no one has simmering anger over easily resolvable issues.[/quote]
No arguments have been had and I'm not angry! It's a whole lot more, oh that's a bit annoying.

I'm pretty sure my DH would forget about the post it note but it's worth a go. He's good at putting things off until later as he gets distracted usually by something that doesn't need doing and could actually wait until later.

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Original poster
IWasBornInAThunderstorm · 03/09/2021 20:36

@MarcelineMissouri wow that's bad. DH manages most of the supplies etc (he just buys them automatically when he does his online so if anything we end up with too much shampoo and then I have to tell him it's not really a good idea to invest all our money in Treseme!) The only thing I do there is deodorant and sanitary products as OH ends up with completely the wrong thing or a brand they don't use.

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Original poster
IWasBornInAThunderstorm · 03/09/2021 20:36

Oh..but I should probably check their toothbrushes

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THisbackwithavengeance · 03/09/2021 20:37

I feel sorry for kids in a family where nobody can be arsed to ensure they have clean clothes or not.

Would it really have hurt to have either reminded your DH or to have shoved a load in with your own stuff? You have time to post a thread on MN about it though...

The whole thing is so unnecessary.

Original poster
IWasBornInAThunderstorm · 03/09/2021 20:43

@THisbackwithavengeance

I did remind him..clothes have been washed and are hanging up, and I've found some clean pants for everyone in the airing cupboard.

I could have shoved a load in with my stuff but then I'd have to then spend ages sorting it out and I don't know which clothes are whose as it gets handed down hence the one basket per person system.

Also, why should I be arsed if their own father can't?! I've been helping him for the last few months with it but I've been doing LO's and my own.

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aSofaNearYou · 03/09/2021 20:43

@THisbackwithavengeance

I feel sorry for kids in a family where nobody can be arsed to ensure they have clean clothes or not.

Would it really have hurt to have either reminded your DH or to have shoved a load in with your own stuff? You have time to post a thread on MN about it though...

The whole thing is so unnecessary.

You wouldn't have to feel sorry for them if their dad could be bothered.
Changemusthappen · 03/09/2021 20:47

It's interesting that you felt guilty that your SDC wouldn't have clean clothes yet clearly your DH does not. Presumably if you hadn't reminded him then it would have been your fault.

I wonder if he tells his boss to 'remind' him about something when he is asked to do something!

For all those saying 'fgs it's only putting a wash on', absolutely so why can't their own father do it?

I just think that as these things don't affect them directly men just don't give a shit. SDC going out in dirty clothes/havent got anything to wear - gosh what an awful step mum they must have. SDC needs a towel - any scabby used one will do. But when it comes to their hobbies/needs etc only the best. These men are just selfish and the only way to break the cycle is to say 'no more'.

RandomMess · 03/09/2021 20:48

On the dry washing front our DC have always sorted out the clean dry stuff after dinner together. Works a treat.

Original poster
IWasBornInAThunderstorm · 03/09/2021 20:57

For all those saying 'fgs it's only putting a wash on', absolutely so why can't their own father do it?

It also involves going through ALL the pockets checking for rocks/bits of lego/tissue (when I do it anyway)

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Original poster
IWasBornInAThunderstorm · 03/09/2021 20:58

@RandomMess that's a good idea! I might try and sell that to DH.

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RandomMess · 03/09/2021 21:04

It started because we have 4 girls close in age and I'm short so poor DH had no clue whose was whose...

Fubitch · 03/09/2021 21:05

I think lose their baskets and they use his basket.

RandomMess · 03/09/2021 21:08

@Fubitch absolutely!

moynomore · 03/09/2021 21:09

Totally with you OP. I get saddened by some of the step-parenting posts - probably projecting as I was a step child. But there is not way this is your sole responsibility. He's lucky you've done as much as you have.

Wallywobbles · 03/09/2021 21:21

I don't do anyone over 8s laundry. It's not hard. A few weeks of dirty clothes hurts no one. But makes a decent lesson.

Came home to 12 loads of washing to do, after 2 weeks away recently. Massively unimpressed. Everyone was on holiday. It's not my job normally so why the fuck was it my job when I was away? Plus I came home having done all my washing while away. But really I'm the stupid one. Why the fuck did I do it?

Tigertealeaves · 03/09/2021 21:21

Yeah I'm with you too OP. The trouble with stuff like this is, it adds up, and you can feel it when you are picking up someone else's slack. But it is often an accumulation of lots of small things. So if you take a stand on any one of them individually, it looks petty. Hence the posters saying "why don't you just put the wash on".

You could go on though couldn't you... why don't you just cook a 2nd or 3rd dinner in a row while dad sticks on a computer game with his teen boy (real example from my life this week). Why don't you just wash up the dirty saucepan DSC left lying around since yesterday. Why don't you just accept that nobody else is ever going to hoover.

Because - we are setting an example to the next generation that's bloody why! Wink

Tigertealeaves · 03/09/2021 21:24

Also, if OP's partner was proactively doing his share, they wouldn't need a rigid 'yours and mine' chores system. I wish we had one in this house sometimes.

Wallywobbles · 03/09/2021 21:25

@RandomMess

On the dry washing front our DC have always sorted out the clean dry stuff after dinner together. Works a treat.
How about putting the clean washing mound on the table before supper. Then they need to clear it and then lay the table before they can eat. Carrot and stick.
Original poster
IWasBornInAThunderstorm · 03/09/2021 22:13

@Tigertealeaves that's it exactly! Yes, one wash by itself, what's the harm but if DH wants to be able to be proud of his parenting of them then he needs to parent them, laundry and all.

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Original poster
IWasBornInAThunderstorm · 03/09/2021 22:16

@Fubitch

I think lose their baskets and they use his basket.
I did think of this but they liked having their own. It would help him see the sheer quality building up though, especially in the holidays.
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Fubitch · 03/09/2021 22:24

Me and dh had a separate basket to the kids and it's They could have their own, but then when they leave it gets tipped into his.