AIBU - washing

[IWasBornInAThunderstorm]

I told DH I was fed up of doing their washing as work's got busier so I don't have time to help out with it. He said that's fine I'll do it - can you remind me. No, because that just makes it my mental load. So.. DSC arriving tonight and he still hasn't twigged that he hasn't done it!

Am I being really mean to not remind him? I feel like if I do then I'm only enabling his uselessness.

They could have their own, but then when they leave it gets tipped into his.

Meant to type this.

Definitely don't remind him. Why would you. I'm sure he isn't so strategically incompetent at work. Sounds like the ex had a lucky escape!

@Changemusthappen

It's interesting that you felt guilty that your SDC wouldn't have clean clothes yet clearly your DH does not. Presumably if you hadn't reminded him then it would have been your fault.

I wonder if he tells his boss to 'remind' him about something when he is asked to do something!

For all those saying 'fgs it's only putting a wash on', absolutely so why can't their own father do it?

I just think that as these things don't affect them directly men just don't give a shit. SDC going out in dirty clothes/havent got anything to wear - gosh what an awful step mum they must have. SDC needs a towel - any scabby used one will do. But when it comes to their hobbies/needs etc only the best. These men are just selfish and the only way to break the cycle is to say 'no more'.

This x 1000

I don’t know if most posters believe that all housework is women’s work, or they just have low standards for the men in their own lives, so do not comprehend why someone else would expect more, but it really depresses me, on thread after thread, that a predominantly women’s forum, always takes the man’s side.

If my husband ever says “remind me to do x” I interpret that as a figure of speech as a reminder given aloud to himself. Wouldn’t occur to me to actually remind him to do a task on his list. I’m too busy forgetting/procrastinating all the ones on mine.

@Fubitch

They could have their own, but then when they leave it gets tipped into his.

Meant to type this.

Perfect!

@Hapoydayz

Definitely don't remind him. Why would you. I'm sure he isn't so strategically incompetent at work. Sounds like the ex had a lucky escape!

Strangely enough he has an ideasy job where it's almost accepted no one does what they are "meant to"!

I don't know why you're dragging the ex into it. It's nothing to do with her.

@MiddleParking

If my husband ever says “remind me to do x” I interpret that as a figure of speech as a reminder given aloud to himself. Wouldn’t occur to me to actually remind him to do a task on his list. I’m too busy forgetting/procrastinating all the ones on mine.

This has given me a great idea -Maybe I need to get him an Alexa for Christmas!

Yep, we got an Alexa for this reason. Every time DP asks me to remind him to do something, I tell him he has to tell Alexa. The account is linked to his phone, so he gets all the reminders on his phone.

I used to work 12 hour shifts and come home around 9pm, get cleaned up and do all my kids washing- inc DSC, then get packed lunches ready for school the next day. Didn't take long and didn't bother me

I could Not single out my DSC. They've done nothing wrong ?

They could have their own, but then when they leave it gets tipped into his.

Perfect!

You'd rather go to the effort of emptying their laundry basket into his than simply say "don't forget to go the SC's laundry." ?

@everythingbutthesink

I used to work 12 hour shifts and come home around 9pm, get cleaned up and do all my kids washing- inc DSC, then get packed lunches ready for school the next day. Didn't take long and didn't bother me

I could Not single out my DSC. They've done nothing wrong ?

What was their dad doing at the time?

@SoupDragon

They could have their own, but then when they leave it gets tipped into his.

Perfect!

You'd rather go to the effort of emptying their laundry basket into his than simply say "don't forget to go the SC's laundry." ?

I'm not emptying it. He can or they can. Or he could ask them to put it in the machine or bring their baskets out their rooms. I don't care. I'm not doing it and I don't want to be reminding him to do it.

I'm going to get him an Alexa for Christmas so I can stop being his PA.

@everythingbutthesink

I used to work 12 hour shifts and come home around 9pm, get cleaned up and do all my kids washing- inc DSC, then get packed lunches ready for school the next day. Didn't take long and didn't bother me

I could Not single out my DSC. They've done nothing wrong ?

Good for you. Last time I made packed lunch I got told of for overstepping and showing the ex up by making all the sandwiches cute shapes. So it bothers me.

Just leave it up to him to tell Alexa about reminders rather than being his PA and you telling Alexa to remind him.

You seriously need to step back from being his PA and carrying his mental load.

@RandomMess yes I'll just tell him to tell Alexa not me each time

🤣

I'm not sour or miserable perhaps because my DH has always down his fair share including his share of the mental load!

I have always known if something happened to me (and tbf it did last year and it could have been a fatal outcome) he could successfully run the household and look after the DC including school and medical stuff.

Save your pity for people who actually need it.

@essentialhealing

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

🤣🤣🤣

It’s not about the actual task it’s about the mental load too, if OP wasn’t there to do it or remind him what would he have done? I’m pretty sure he would have learnt to remember eventually especially when he has children whinging at him, it’s called taking responsibility for your kids. Why is it men are always let off lightly? It’s not woman’s work to take the brunt of the mental load and it’s a real shift back to the bloody 1950s to think so.

Is this for real? Seriously some of these threads.
Don’t remind him, don’t do the washing. FFS. And so many people wonder why there are so man childs amongst us. His kids, their clothes, HIS responsibility.

I don’t even do this with my own children. It’s their responsibility to check their wardrobes and check their kits/ uniforms are clean/ ready. If theyre not, it’s their job to check ‘does a wash need putting on/ are they in the ironing basket/ drying). They then get the iron out/ fold / put clothes away.

And they’re teenagers. If they wake up and clothes are dirty - then they have to wear dirty clothes and it’s a lesson for them for next time.

Once people are a certain age, certain responsibilities are theirs. I say that as a mother. I’ll be fucked if I’m then running around catering to a man child and his children.

@aSofaNearYou
Please don't jump to the conclusions he just sits their and does fuck all
He worked nights. I worked days, he came home as I left for the school run and work. he slept whilst kids were at school then would pick them up. Do homework, clubs if they had any on, do tea and then bath and bed. Would occasionally do a wash but I preferred to do it when I got in so I could put my clothes in to!

@sassbott yes it's for real. That's why I'm trying to change it and I was simply wondering if I was being mean to not remind him. I did in the end. I told him I won't next time.