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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Ss stays up with us

122 replies

kjack17 · 26/08/2021 20:43

Ss is 13, so he is older then my ds who goes to bed at 8.

I just think after 9pm he should go to his room, hasnt got to go to bed but if im being honest, i dont want him around after 9. Weve been with them all day i just want chill out time.

Mean or not?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

oldestmumaintheworld · 26/08/2021 20:51

Oh dear. You are going to have to get used to this. He is going to be around an awful lot more over the next five or six years. It's the transition from childhood to young adulthood. At 13 I'd expect him to be up til 9.30 and by 16 he's going to be going to bed later than you.

I don't think you are being mean, but you are going to have to accept it.

GlitterCupcakes · 26/08/2021 21:14

This reply has been deleted

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NailsNeedDoing · 26/08/2021 21:20

Does he live with you full time?

If not, and he is allowed to go to bed when he wants at home, especially in the school holidays, then it’s going to be more fight than it’s worth to make him go to bed early. It would only be for a couple of years maximum even if you do push on this and win, you can’t force a 15 year old to go to bed that early.

bogoffmda · 26/08/2021 21:21

How often does he stay?

Peakypolly · 26/08/2021 21:25

Mean

howtodealwithit · 26/08/2021 21:27

Assuming the same rule will apply to your younger one then I don't see a huge issue. What time is your younger one going to bed? How old are they?

Kanaloa · 26/08/2021 21:27

How often is he with you? If it’s an every other weekend situation then I think you’re being very unreasonable. If it’s a full time thing, then I’m not as sure. Surely a 13 year old isn’t stopping you chilling out just by being in the same room?

howtodealwithit · 26/08/2021 21:28

@howtodealwithit

Assuming the same rule will apply to your younger one then I don't see a huge issue. What time is your younger one going to bed? How old are they?

Sorry I see you said what time your youngest goes to bed

Bbq1 · 26/08/2021 21:31

@GlitterCupcakes

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Never in 15 years in our nuclear family have we "sent' our ds to his room. He goes freely a lot of the time anyway to do his hobby upstairs but equally he has (and is) always been welcome to sit in the living room with us and watch TV etc. It's not like a toddler running around at 13. Maybe ss misses dad and equally wants some alone time with his df without sm there? Surely Op's ss sits quietly watching TV or reading anyway?How does that really impact on an adult relaxing?

toomuchlaundry · 26/08/2021 21:32

Teenagers stay up later, especially on holiday. In a few years he probably won't grace you with his presence at all. We never sent DS at that age to his room so we had time to ourselves in the lounge.

I assume if he doesn't live with you all the time you get more free time in the evening than most families who have children living with them all the time do

Bananarama21 · 26/08/2021 21:36

Does he have his own bedroom with his xbox I have a 13 year old and he has his own space but sometimes stays downstairs.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 26/08/2021 21:36

What will you do when he’s 18? My teens sat with me at night if they wanted to.

Brollypackedforscottishholiday · 26/08/2021 21:38

3 teens here... Watch TV with the oldies?? Mm def not!!

TweedePrik · 26/08/2021 21:39

Never ever sent our dd to bed past 13 or so. She would stay if she was interested in what was on TV or go to her room if not. How does it affect chill time? Unless he is dictating the activities which is something different.

Apeirogon · 26/08/2021 21:40

I think it's a bit mean to banish him to his room before bedtime, but on the other hand I have a 13yo and she goes to bed around 9.30. When is his bedtime?

Apeirogon · 26/08/2021 21:40

That's on a school night - later in the holidays.

SnarkyBag · 26/08/2021 21:46

This is just the way it is when they get to this age. I couldn’t imagine banishing my teens to their room at 9pm. I do understand the need for some time and space alone but I think you have to accept this as part and parcel of family life

DGFB · 26/08/2021 21:50

Mean to send him upstairs, you need to get used to this

Pallisers · 26/08/2021 21:50

will you send your own child to their room at 9 when they are older because you've been with them all day and want to chill without them? I doubt it. And if you do, you'd be a poor parent.

This is what happens with teens in a family. They stay up later and sit with you. Find a show you all want to watch maybe? in a couple of years or less you won't be able to get them out of their room for any time together.

Voice0fReason · 26/08/2021 21:56

I don't think teens should be banished to their room before they are going to bed, just because you don't like having them around.

lunar1 · 26/08/2021 22:01

He's 13 and it's the holidays, why does he need to be banished at 9?

tiredanddangerous · 26/08/2021 22:03

I don't think you can banish a teenager to their room at 9pm. I get that the child free evenings are hard to let go of but the answer isn't to treat him like an 8 year old.

purplejungle · 26/08/2021 22:03

His house too. Go to your own room if you need alone time.

Stormyequine · 26/08/2021 22:04

Definitely mean. My DS is 13 and while I miss the days when he was in bed at 8,I have to deal with the fact that he is growing up and that includes staying up later. It is just one of those things that you have to live with.

WaterIsBest · 26/08/2021 22:09

Why cant you chill with him in the front room?

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