Ss stays up with us

[kjack17]

Ss is 13, so he is older then my ds who goes to bed at 8.

I just think after 9pm he should go to his room, hasnt got to go to bed but if im being honest, i dont want him around after 9. Weve been with them all day i just want chill out time.

Mean or not?

And if he won’t wear earphones he needs to turn the video off. You’re a bit unreasonable to say it’s every night though - he doesn’t live with you so it isn’t every night.

I totally understand where you are coming from. My two step children stay twice or three times a week, and they stay up downstairs until 10pm and it drives me insane. I wouldn't tell them they have to go upstairs but I wish they wanted too

Some of the sanctimonious responses on here. Mine are teen/ pre teen and they have been up later than me on hols! And yes, I tell them to go into another room when watching their devices. Or to leave me be while I watch a movie that is not appropriate for them. FGS I’m more than entitled to an odd night of wind down even though I’m a mother. Mine wouldn’t bat an eyelid at being asked to give me some quiet time. They’re children not mini deities.

@sassbott and do your teens live with you all the time? This teen doesn’t live with OP so I am sure she gets more than the odd night away from him

They live with me 60% of the time. So I get plenty of nights off. Shocker alert, i still ask for downtime even when they’re with me from time to time. They’re zoned out watching some nonsense on their devices. I prefer them to not become over reliant on headphones so I ask them to go to another room or turn them off. They don’t traumatised as of yet

My ds is 13 and in school hols goes to bed at 10pm. I'll be honest, it's a huge adjustment from having small children who go to bed early thus giving you a.lovely childfree evening to having them sitting with you. I think you're being unreasonable but I feel your pain!

@Comedycook give it a couple of years and you will hardly ever see them unless food is involved!

[quote toomuchlaundry]@Comedycook give it a couple of years and you will hardly ever see them unless food is involved![/quote]

From about 12 you don't get to send them to bed at 9pm any more, perhaps on a school night it's reasonable to say 9.30 until about 14 but after that they go when they are ready not at your convenience. We have 2 young adults here and one even comes to the pub with us!

I find it on threads like this, that when posters disagree with the OP, subsequent posts seem to reveal more detail to justify their feelings/point and as they are quite relevant, I wonder why they were not included in the opening post.

It starts with I just don't want him in the room > he's watching rubbish > He just stares at his phone and might as well do that in his room > he doesn't like headphones

I think anyone would be irritated by someone watching stuff on their phone and disturbing others.

It seems like even if he sat there as quiet as a mouse, you still wouldn't want him in the room, because you feel unable to relax.

I didn't send my teens out of the living room, but they really wouldn't sit in there the whole day with us anyway. That's quite unusual for teenagers IMO.

Does he have his own room? And is it done up nicely and a place he would like to be in?

Is he wanting to engage with you and his dad all evening or just happens to be in the same room?

I'd have thought it was quite normal for the boy to be in his own sitting room during the evening.

I head off to my room come 9pm. It's their home, too and if I want alone time then that's what my room is for. If they want alone time, that's what their room is for.

Surely a thirteen year old won't be wanting to do things with you all day, every day, in the holidays anyway.

It wouldn't bother me if my teenage child was sitting in the same room, doing their own thing, of an evening.

It wouldn't bother me if my teenage child was sitting in the same room, doing their own thing, of an evening.

I agree. I don't know any 13 year old who wants to sit with their parents all day. Most times when mine were that age I barely knew they were in until it was time to eat.

One reason why marriages break up is because of the undiagnosed special needs of the children. Hence stepparents collect a higher proportion of challenging stepkids than intact families tend to experience. Hanging around adults can be part of that picture - they don't relate to/are rejected by their peer group, don't go out with their mates and use adults for company instead.

I think it’s mean to banish him. But I understand how you feel. You just want some time alone without him being right there. I felt the same about my ex’s kids and I must admit my own dd at times. 😂 But I’m a huge introvert so I like my own space

I just go and sit in my room if I feel like a bit of space when DSDs are here. I wouldn't expect them to vacate the living room as it's communal space.

@sassbott

Some of the sanctimonious responses on here. Mine are teen/ pre teen and they have been up later than me on hols! And yes, I tell them to go into another room when watching their devices. Or to leave me be while I watch a movie that is not appropriate for them. FGS I’m more than entitled to an odd night of wind down even though I’m a mother. Mine wouldn’t bat an eyelid at being asked to give me some quiet time. They’re children not mini deities.

At last a reasonble answer. Let me tell you what permissive parenting leads to especially if the SC are full time. I have a major issue with bedtimes as SS13 (who is full time) has not had a bedtime since he was around 7 years old. He will not and I repeat will not, go up those stairs until DP does. Not even when DP is switching off lights and making sure doors are locked. SS will wait. Not one foot is put on the stairs until DP does. Then joy of joys there is the half hour to 45 mins tucking in. DP & I do not get a single moment of adult time and of course with us all going up at the same time no intimacy either 'in case SS hears anything'. DP has now taken to booking a hotel room maybe 3 or 4 times a year for date nights. It is getting to the stage where I may as well be a certain type of lady as he is paying for it in a roundabout way. And don't get me started on appropriate viewing. SS has seen it all. The only time DP will turn of a film if is there is too much nudity or scenes that are sexual in nature, but somehow violence, and swearing are perfectly acceptable. So for all those who are being a little judgemental because the OP quite rightly would like some time with her partner, this is what it leads too. It is very difficult to try and maintain some sort of romance when there is a 13 year old 'chaperone'. Another thing is, is that sometimes I do want to watch something that is not appropriate for SS, I dont see why I, as an adult, who works full time, pays the bills and cooks, cleans and maintains the home should be subjected to the decisions of a child.

Not one little bit of this is the child's fault however. This is all on DP

Idiot

I think it’s fine to say ‘if you are watching that without headphones can you take it upstairs so that we can watch XXXX’.

It isn’t fine to say ‘you have to spend your evening in your room after 9pm’,

If he isn't with you all the time I'd think you could put up with it when he is. Do the children not do things apart from you during the day?

They will be back at school soon anyway which will change matters.

I just tell ds that I'm putting an 18 film on and could he go upstairs? It's no biggie he's downstairs plenty.

I do this with my own teens, during the week but they are allowed to come and chat if they need to, as its not always easy with younger dcs.

Katie 9998: Then joy of joys there is the half hour to 45 mins tucking in.
.........
Why does a thirteen year old need that?

If I was you I'd cash in on the date nights in hotels, you could make a bomb .

@Plumtree391

Katie 9998: Then joy of joys there is the half hour to 45 mins tucking in. ......... Why does a thirteen year old need that?

If I was you I'd cash in on the date nights in hotels, you could make a bomb .

👏😁 the 13 year old demands complete and total attention and with DP desperate to be his BFF then he’s going to get it. Trust me I’m seriously considering upping the date nights to 5 or 6 a year, I’m in need of a new car 😉

Good idea, you're sitting on a gold mine.

Does step son stay with you all the time (sorry if you've said)?