Ss stays up with us

[kjack17]

Ss is 13, so he is older then my ds who goes to bed at 8.

I just think after 9pm he should go to his room, hasnt got to go to bed but if im being honest, i dont want him around after 9. Weve been with them all day i just want chill out time.

Mean or not?

May as well get used to it, the older they get you can't really just send them to bed.

Mine (14 and 17) stay up later than me at weekends and in the holidays. It's their own home, they can go where they like in it.

I’m sorry but mumsnet deleted my post supporting the OP’s request to have alone time with her SO but don’t delete other posts bashing her for wanting time alone? This website is whack and anti-stepparent.

@GlitterCupcakes

I’m sorry but mumsnet deleted my post supporting the OP’s request to have alone time with her SO but don’t delete other posts bashing her for wanting time alone? This website is whack and anti-stepparent.

I remember your post as I posted just after you. I doubt it was the support for the OP and more the comment you started with, something about ignoring the Holier than thou person before you

Put yourself in his shoes, how would you feel if you were told to disappear to your bedroom at 9pm?

He's part of your family. Your home is his home. He's spending much needed time with his dad.

You need to accept that this will be true for probably the next five years and just look for your shared likes - popcorn, WWII films, chess, whatever. Find the up side.

Will you feel the same way about your son when he turns 13?

We have a mom and dad are off the clock time, but our 13 year old is definitely not sent to her room. It just means all not quite emergency, let’s call them not important requests are done for the night. No helping her find something. No making her something in her kitchen. If she makes herself something she better clean it up because I’ve already finished the kitchen chores for the night. It allows me to mentally wind down. We have entered the recreation and relaxation time.

We have plenty of spaces on the house where people can watch tv, play a game or read a book. During this time we use them in all sorts of combinations. Sometimes 13 yo ends up in her room. Sometimes I end up in mine. It just depends on everyone’s mood.

Mean.

Teenagers stay up late and often later than their parents.

This is one reason to check you actually like/tolerate talking to your OH's children before you are with your OH long term, as you will be sharing the front-room with the children at night for the rest of your life.

If you want alone time with your OH you both need to go to your bedroom.

My grandparents had a rule that applied to all the grandchildren where after a certain time at night they and other adult family members enjoyed adult time. We were not made to stay in our bedrooms we could use the rest of the house freely but we were to leave the adults alone to enjoy ‘adult time ‘ and could only interrupt if there was an emergency. We were not confined to one room, we could go into the kitchen, other lounge room, bathroom etc.

If your dh is on board with that and it applied to all the kids, that could be something you could do.

However, it also depends on how often dss gets to see his dad. If he only comes every other weekend then he is not getting that much time with his dad and you are getting plenty of adult only evenings for most of the fortnight.

If he is only coming every other weekend then I think you can tolerate your dss staying up a bit and hanging out with you both.

Or, maybe you could go out, have some fun, meet up with friends while your dh stays home with his kids and bonds with his teenager.

@GlitterCupcakes

I’m sorry but mumsnet deleted my post supporting the OP’s request to have alone time with her SO but don’t delete other posts bashing her for wanting time alone? This website is whack and anti-stepparent.

Someone complained so they just pulled the post and didn't bother checking that it was a legit reply to the board it was on.

MN however leave anti-vaxx, racist, anti-Semitic and homophobic posts even if they are reported a few times. Sometimes the moderators claim they aid discussion other times they don't bother replying.

I never had to banish my Son or Daughter to bed at that age. they always went to bed at about 9pm, did some reading in bed, and fell asleep quite early.

Your feelings of needing chill time are completely reasonable but unfortunately the proposed method of achieving it (sending 13yo to their room) probably isn't- as PP said this is just part of their transition to adulthood; anyone who is old enough to be up in the evening gets to share the family living spaces if they want to. It is entirely OK for you to take yourself off for some chill time though if you need it - eg a book and glass of wine in the bath, or lie on your bed and face time a friend or something. I totally get how you feel- I had a similar wtf moment when my own kids started staying up - but lots of family things are about compromise and this just becomes another one!

Awful to banish a teenager to their room because you want to chill out. Surely in a family, you spend time together no matter what their age . I don't get the idea that parents need time away from the kids .

@ShippingNews

Awful to banish a teenager to their room because you want to chill out. Surely in a family, you spend time together no matter what their age . I don't get the idea that parents need time away from the kids .

It is actually normal for parents to have time away from kids to do their own thing e.g. read, watch something different, listen to music, talk on the phone, and vice versa.

However you don't banish the kids from a shared room in the house. You just go to a room that isn't shared.

@oldestmumaintheworld

Oh dear. You are going to have to get used to this. He is going to be around an awful lot more over the next five or six years. It's the transition from childhood to young adulthood. At 13 I'd expect him to be up til 9.30 and by 16 he's going to be going to bed later than you. I don't think you are being mean, but you are going to have to accept it.

Rubbish. It's perfectly acceptable to insist on adult time in the evening. When ours were teenagers we'd have some evenings when we did family stuff but other nights we would pack them off upstairs so we could watch a film on our own. At 13 they're able to entertain themselves for a couple of ours before going to sleep.

No he doesnt live with us full time.
Lol how has this gone to being a bad parent lol mumsnet does make me laugh sometimes.

Yes pf course id send mine to his room. Its. Or about which kid, i just want them out my hair after seeing them all day.

@stepleftorright well i was which is why i feel like whats the big deal. He just sits on his phone watching rubbish and it interferes with what we watch anyway

@Driftingblue love that

@RedMarauder lol theres no way we are going to our room over a child

Yes of course he stays up later than us im just staying go stare at your phone in your room instead

I hope not all step mothers are like you.

@Leibham Thanks

@WaterIsBest because im sick of them by then. I just want peace which i dont get until theyre both not in the front room

Yes pf course id send mine to his room
Are you sure? Because I don't know any of my kids' friends who were told they were banned from the family room after 9pm at 13yo. It's very unusual. If it is indeed a rule you are absolutely certain you will enforce with your own child, and your OH is happy with it, then it's not mean.

Be prepared for your SS to not forget though and pick up if you indeed apply that same rule with your child at the same age and challenge you if you don't and hold it against you if you find excuses why it is different for them.

Why does him staring at his phone impact you?

I have a 13 year old. He's welcome to stay down. I just ask that headphones are used if his phone impacts the TV....I ask the same of my husband!!!

Very very occasionally I ask him to go upstairs if I want to watch an unsuitable programme. Equally I go upstairs if he/or my husband want to watch something I find unsuitable- e.g. a noisy film or an animated comedy.

Enjoy then fact he wants to be with you. It won't be for long.